What's so pitiful about u?

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Sea
Sea's picture
What's so pitiful about u?

I got this remark from a friend today.

It begin with her asking why i split up with narcky. I just said he's not treating me right like sudden disappearing (ST), devalue me etc. She frowned and said "huh? U left him because of this? What's so pitiful about u? There are millions of battered women"

I am so used to hearing stuff like this. They are clueless to NPD emotional abuse. I know many of us will face people like this somewhere down the road. I know it hurts, just ignore them. Dont let them affect u. Come here to talk and vent. This place is a healing heaven.

Sumiko

Sea
Sea's picture
Dear friends thanks for all
Dear friends thanks for all your replies. I am so lucky to be here. I would have cried to death literally without help here. As for this friend who made this comment. She is one of the many. It puzzles people why i was suffering so much. They dont know the pain we have to endure knowing our narc never loved us! All was a fake. And that he would gaslight us, control us, punish us for every little thing. He would devalue and discard us like we never existed. I think u need to meet one to know it! So friends, if u happen to get such remarks - ignore them. They just dont get it. Hugs Sumiko
jackguy
jackguy's picture
Ignorant, dumb & cruel
That's what I think of her remark-don't waste time on her.
kizzy72
kizzy72's picture
The "Friend"
Needs some evaluation of whether they deserve the title.
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture
There is NOTHING pitiful
There is NOTHING pitiful about someone who can recognize that they are in an abusive relationship and wants out! Never allow anyone to speak to you in that manner. Next time someone asks you about Narky, just say "he isn't worth my breath to discuss" and change the subject. You are doing good! Don't let anyone come along and side-swipe you! Stay the course! Pitiful...........she is the pitiful one. Why doesn't she date him then?
Hermes
Hermes's picture
Sea
Well, Sea, there's a friend to remove at once from your address book. Right? No one with the slightest understanding would say a thing like that, and besides it beggards the question, in what kind of milieu does SHE live?. Pay no heed Sea. Zero tolerance for abuse of any kind, emotional, psychological and physical. Hermes
darling.girl
darling.girl's picture
How some friends have reacted to my story
One friend said she felt sad that I held onto him when she saw he was giving me so little, almost nothing. Maybe I'm projecting something onto her, but I heard a judgement in her statement: How could you stay with someone who is clearly pulling one over on you? It was sad, but we all fell for it. Another friend is glad I'm finally done with the narc, but has distanced herself from me because I was married and had an affair with the narc. This friend knows how I struggled for years to make my marriage work. I sobbed in pain in front of her in my frustration that I couldn't make my marriage be want it once had been. She knew I was extremely emotionally vulnerable. So, when the narc came after me from my long ago past and several states away, I was a sitting duck. People say: "It takes two." Yes, it does, but unless you've been the victim of the narc, you don't know what a spell of evil magic they can cast. So, anyway, my friend still talks to me but nothing like it used to be. I've essentially lost my best friend because of my decision to engage in an affair with the narc. I've paid over and over for this affair.
ordinarycourage
ordinarycourage's picture
Who needs friends
like that? There shouldn't be millions of battered women. One is too many. And abuse isn't just a physical thing.... Some abusers are too "sophisticated" to leave a physical mark on you.
needing2know
needing2know's picture
there are times I wish he did
there are times I wish he did just beat the living shit out of me , because the bruises and scars go away the menatal abuse stays forever. He did pysically abuse too but not to an exteme of putting me in a hospital, he was a prison guard so he knew how to RESTRAIN me ASSHOLE!
blueworld
blueworld's picture
mine was physical
you dont want to experience that on top of emotional and mental spiritual abuse. mine choked me all the time he was raging felt threatened or idk know why. he has thrown me and grabbed me too. mine was only 23. but he is 6'4" . he has thrown me in the kitchen sink and sprayed me with the sprayer. grabbed me one handed by the throat and thrown me. has thrown me on the bed after grabbing me. chased me, blocked me, backed me into corners or even once i climbed into the shower because he kept backing me further into the bathroom. it is not something you would have rather had on top of compulsive lying, emotional cheating, accusations, cut downs, name calling, and all the other wonderful gifts they bring to your relationship. im having a very hard time getting over the fact he is so young and says i brought it out of him that he only did and will do this with me
needing2know
needing2know's picture
Sea
whats so pitiful about you?? Are you kidding me?? she must like being walked on and treated like shit! The only thing pitiful about you and I and anyone is that we let theses pieces of shit take over our lives, our self esteem and drug us through the dirt! Whats NOT pitiful about us is that WE WERE STRONG ENOUGH TO GET UT AND STAY OUT!! I hate people who think it is ok for someone to treat others like shit! Makes you wonder if they are just like our exes! Well if she thinks there is nothing wrong with the way he treated you tell her to have at it!
lana22
lana22's picture
What planet is she from?????
What planet is she from????? There are actual countries where it is culturally accepted to abuse women but hello, its not in America.