When he goes NC

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Scoop
Scoop's picture
When he goes NC

How about this ?...When the narc goes No contact with you , just refuses to take youre calls and cuts you off it is a VIOLENT ACT ..How do i know ? because i am in no contact with him , i know that no contact is fuled by anger (and that i was going insane )
Look a normal guy after a break up will be polite , would talk to you .. His no contact is designed to cause maximum pain . Am i right on this ?

herlatestvictim
herlatestvictim's picture
NC out of anger
My N would go NC out of anger, usually a perceived slight that I had no idea occurred. It would always result in the N seeking NS from someone else. Funny thing is that as my N has become more and more predictable, I don't acknowledge the NC anymore. It's to the point where my N will call me and say, "... that is why I was not talking to you today! You needed to be punished."
happydaysahead
happydaysahead's picture
Yep.........
I got that too. "I am punishing you and I am not done yet. After everything you did to me you have a whole lot of punishment coming you way." WHAT THE HELL?? What did I do ?? Nothing, oh wait, I breathed !! He is such a total asshole and the skanky OW he is with right now is exactly where he deserves to be. Maybe the next time she gets arrested for a drug felony he will call me again !! YUCK--I am kidding, by the way, about wanting him to call me but not about the Felony laiden, coke addicted little white trash whore he is with now !! Do I sound bitter !?!? LOL Seriously, they are a match made in heaven or should I say HELL !!
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture
Doesnt it make you feel a
Doesnt it make you feel a little bit better knowing he is with someone like that!? After my first d&d mine went to some white trash girl! She was NASTY, was heavy, and no one would want to be with her. He used to always say how much of a down grade it would be if he left me and went for someone like that, but then he did it! This time he went after a 17 year old and took her to PROM!!!! I cant help but laugh. You think that they would upgrade wouldnt you?

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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

trying2overcome
trying2overcome's picture
oh yea ...
the only time mine goes NC (and it doesn't last) is when I call him out on something he goes into a rage and will not try to contact me for a while. (and sometimes when he is seeing someone, but he is usally still trying to get with me while he is seeing other people) Everything is a punishment it seems with them .. I felt like a child trying to please and unhappy parent all the time. One injustice I think we do ourselves when we let them get in contact with us is that we ALLOW him to be on his best behavior with OW because he is still focused on us and he dumps all his ugly on us and can probably wear his good guy mask with them that much longer. I really believe that my N can probably keep the mask on longer with OW because until he is totally focused on you he seems like a great guy. I don't think he has become fixated on anyone else yet because he is still too focused on me. I might be wrong .. but I do believe they keep the good guy image up with someone else longer when they can still contact and try to manipulate us .. sorry that was a bit off the subject.
Happy1
Happy1's picture
trying2overcome
I agree with you. I feel like a child as well and he tells me over and over that I am a child and he needs to punish me. I know my N goes out immediately and seeks other women when he breaks up with me when I confront him on something or stand up for myself and breaks up with me with no contact. He seeks out other women and puts on a great act. I've read texts when we get back together and it doesn't sound like the man I know at all. He tells them how much he loves them and misses them and can't wait to see them again. These are all things I've said to him in the past but he has not uttered to me at all. It has been shocking to read these texts. I have to understand that it's an act on his part but shocking still. He gets back with me and tells me that he breaks up with so many women to be with me each and every time we break up. He gives them up for me he says like I'm supposed to feel so special now or something. wow!
Scoop
Scoop's picture
Sad1
Hows the no contact going ? Im having a hard time this week as i feel like im missing out on the fun , there are lots of partys and events going on this week that i can go to due to no contact . Its beautiful weather here and i use to love hot evenings at the pub , it makes it harder that friends are inviting me to things am i feel like im letting them down too but simply cant see him . When i boil it down we share nearly all the same friends . James the guy who has been taking me out is away and so is my best girlfriend . I know my narc would love me to come out with everyone but that would say to him that all is forgiven and it never will be forgiven .I have a nice cold beer in the fridge so i will have a party here with my cat .Big Love Scoop x
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture
Oh Scoop
I know how you feel. I share all of the same friends as my XN as well. I have been trying to hang out with other people but I feel like I miss out on fun alot of the time. It also hurts because I know he thinks it is funny. One of his friends asked my room mate the other day what I have been doing or up to since I havent been with that group of people, I am sure the N told him to ask this. He also has laughed at me that he "gets" all of our friends.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Scoop
Scoop's picture
Rainbow
We will have our day in the sun again .. I was just thinking that my narc loves to be center of attention (suprise suprise ) i just couldnt stomach him fliting his way round the group with his fake laugh and loud voice and dont get me started on his dancing , he thinks he is so cool ,he does this "rave " type moves which make him looks like a puppet lol ..xx
Happy1
Happy1's picture
a Puppet on strings? haha
a Puppet on strings? haha
Cgrl
Cgrl's picture
god yes
Maximum slam. The more pain they cause the more delight they take in it. My narc would tell people all kinds of crap about me after fifteen years of being together- I will never get married. He loves me but not "in love" with me ... Yak yak yak. Thank god he leaves you alone. Some day when you become indifferent you will be greatful. Right now you see it as punishment. Actually- its a gift.
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture
hi Scoop...
Yes mine did it and is still doing it to me...Only in the begginning he would go online on Skype (he only used that account with me i know that as afact, i peeked in his pc while i was there)but would not call me....he was really testing me to see if i would call him thinking he was talking to somebody else.....and i felt into this trap ! After begging him to tell me if he was having conversations with somebody else already,things went down hill...he blocked me but i have a way to see if he really had blocked me but he didn't he is on invisible...he can see me on Skype but i cannot see him....But i don't care anymore,it wouldn''t last anyways...his lif e is soooooo shitty the new woman wont last long...he doesn't gave money,he gained weight ,and he is moody and impatient....he cannot keep the mask on long anymore,he has 3 kids and ED and a porn addiction...But i am sorry if i went off the track with the subject but yes NC hurts like hell..is been a year and 3 months since he last sent me an email....i broke NC and i got to hear the most horrifying things that still plays in my head...i always thought i could get some closure,but i always felt that his NC towards me is a punishment because i saw trough his mask and told him what i saw,and now you confirm mine suspitions about if a Narcissist goes NC is a form of punishment and thats how it feels to me....i wish i had the power to have started it myself....but i was shocked by the way he D&D mme then...(please read my story) Hughs

Aceonelady

hitandrun
hitandrun's picture
Yep-Scoop
Mine went no contact on me 3 weeks after the D&D. The only reason we were in contact via email was to straighten out some legal issues(still not straight). He's avoiding being served RIGHT NOW! Yes, it is cruel. To be told you are the love of his life, he can't wait to marry you, and then BAM---cut you off. Erase you from his Universe. Normal break-ups are not like this. They don't leave you feeling like a worthless slug for months and you do not obsess about your ex, like you do when you've been brainwashed.