when I go NC

22 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 30 - 9AM

Happy1

when I go NC

I'm trying and I haven't gone NC yet. But I have been thinking of ways I would do it. I would say all these great things about him and build him up and the go NC. I know it's wrong to try to mess with another person but isn't that what they do? He will forever wonder what happened at least. Where all his great supply ran off to. I have been a predictable person to him so far with running and begging him constantly to take me back. He breaks up and I beg. It's all very pathetic. What do you think? Not end things in a fight but go NC after praising.

#2 Jun 30 - 2PM

ewa

Yes he will

He will wonder. I did what you wrote here. Mine emailed me immediately asking what happened. He sent at least 6 emails that day. Not everybody, or maybe i should write not every N, is the same of course. I think mine started to wonder if somebody didnt say sth bad about him. Here is our email conversation: N:You are behaving a bit strange lately, May I ask about the underlying reasons? One day you are very friendly, then on the other one you do not even reply, to my reply to you. Then today you do not say hello. Hmmm... What happened? Me: Please do not contact me again. Remove my phone number so you don't make accidental phone calls. I managed to stop thinking of you and forgot our relationship totally and pls do same. N:Oh, Not before you tell me what is happening. I only want to understand. Me: I am sorry, but i don't see the reason for it. N:Dont worry, sooner or later you will. You can contact me anytime, btw. He did not leave me alone he started to send emails how much he missed me etc etc, but please do not notice at that time his secondary supply has left him. I hope it helps :)

#3 Jun 30 - 1PM

Steph

"He will forever wonder what

"He will forever wonder what happened at least." No. He won't. They like things on their terms, yes. And if something strays from what they like and is out of their control, yeah, they don't like it. But it won't change anything. He won't think about it forever and start reflecting on himself. He will either say, "oh well" and carry on with the next source....or he'll kiss up but once he has you showing weakness again.....he'll turn cold again. Been there done that. All of us. They are all essentially the same. Nothing you do will change him or deeply affect him. period. What you do WILL deeply affect YOU though. Stay in contact...get ready to be shit on over and over again. Go No Contact right now....get ready to start feeling better. Slowly, but it WILL happen. xoxo

#4 Jun 30 - 12PM

rainbow1

sad1

It wont work. It is as simple as that. I went NC last week and it felt great, then I broke it.... I ended it last time not answering his calls, not responding to his texts and it felt so good. I broke it yesterday and now I feel horrible again. I tried to get my diginity back today and say good bye to him and that we cant be friends (basically trying to get the last word in) and do you know what he did? He told me that he doesnt care either way if we are friends or not and it is my decision! And now he wont respond to me anymore. He got the last word! Playing games with these guys are bound to fail. Each and everytime. They always win and have the last word if you try playing. Just go NC without warning and you will be the one with the last word!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#5 Jun 30 - 1PM (Reply to #14)

Happy1

I'm sorry rainbow 1. I know

I'm sorry rainbow 1. I know how hard it is to hear these painful words because my N says them to me all the time. He told me last weekend that he wouldn't miss me for a second if I was out of his life and I have ruined everything with my jealousy. He doesn't feel a thing for me he says. It's hard to hear and I have a hard to accepting such hurtful and cruel words. Who says crap like this? No one human!

#6 Jun 30 - 1PM (Reply to #15)

rainbow1

Thanks sad1. I wish that I

Thanks sad1. I wish that I would have stayed NC because now I feel like I am going crazy again. I want him to respond to me so that I can ignore him now! The only problem is that I get sucked back in every single time. He knows the exact thing to say to me to make me respond. He knows what will make me mad and go crazy and blow up his phone. He pretends like he doesnt do this and then I am the "crazy" one that cant walk away from him. It is so crazy-making!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#7 Jun 30 - 1PM (Reply to #19)

Steph

rainbow1

"He knows the exact thing to say to me to make me respond. He knows what will make me mad and go crazy and blow up his phone. He pretends like he doesnt do this and then I am the "crazy" one that cant walk away from him. It is so crazy-making!" I know you already know this, but this is EXACTLY why you have to go no contact!

#8 Jun 30 - 1PM (Reply to #16)

Happy1

I know what you mean

I know what you mean rainbow1. I have the same problem and my N knows just what to say to make me chase him and he knows how to hurt my like no other man. But he doesn't know how to love me like no other either. He's a great lover and a super great abuser!!! What a great life!

#9 Jun 30 - 1PM (Reply to #17)

rainbow1

sad1

I am so sorry that we are BOTH going through this! We both just need to take back our power and go NC. This is the only way to have power. Whether they try to contact you again or not. They are just lurking and waiting for you to break, DONT! Sometimes we have got to learn the hard way and I think it is safe to say that we have. Why put ourselves through more? The last thing that I said to him and the last thing that I plan on saying was "you drive me crazy and make me so angry but you know this dont you?" I am sure that he is thrilled that he has caused all of these emotions in me. I am sure that he is expecting to hear from me soon but he wont!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#10 Jun 30 - 2PM (Reply to #18)

NinjaGirl

I'm sorry you're both going through this, too

I say both of you just immediately go NC. Don't reply, don't email, don't call, don't return calls, etc. THAT will show strength. It will take time, but it will show strength. And I mean primarily to yourself. He may or may not care, but you shouldn't care if he cares. Know what I mean, or am I rambling again? ;)

#11 Jun 30 - 10AM

lynn61

just say no!!

those head games will make you crazy sad1. i agree with the others-just cut off all communication on your end. i started NC two weeks ago and it turned out to be an incredible gift to myself. i also have so many things i'd like to leave ringing in his ears but taking the higher road brings more peace. it will be harder than almost anything you do but i know you wont regret it. good luck!!

really??

#12 Jun 30 - 10AM

Lisa E. Scott

sad

Smileyface and Ninjagirl are right on. Just go NC. Playing games will only cause your head to spin too. Not worth it.

#13 Jun 30 - 10AM (Reply to #5)

Happy1

I know he can't feel but I

I know he can't feel but I guess I just want something. I want him to always wonder. Something. I want to matter and that's why I can't get out. I don't want this rejection and not mattering after all I've given to him. I've given him too much I know because I lost myself. I just want to matter.

#14 Jun 30 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

NinjaGirl

Why does it matter if you matter to him?

Why is he on a pedestal and you've dug a ditch for yourself? Why don't you matter to yourself? He's a dirt bag who USED YOU. Sweetie, until you start putting yourself first, you will never escape from this nightmare. Until you get angry and find resolve (and believe me, I KNOW it's really hard), you will never find your way out of this. I know you just want him to wonder about you, think about you, contact you, and everything will be wonderful again, right? That's not how it happens. He wonders about you, he contacts you for a booty call or to stroke his ego, you comply, and he drops you and the cycle starts all over again. Seriously, enough with that crap. Aren't you worth more than that? I don't care how much I love my ex. He told me he doesn't want to be with me, and I had had enough of the abuse anyway. Believe it or not, this is NOT about him. This has EVERYTHING to do with how you feel about yourself. Trust me on this. You want his validation because it makes you feel good about yourself, but you can do all sorts of things to feel good about yourself that have nothing to do with him! Please just trust me on this, because I'm THERE. I'm living my life, trying new things, re-trying old things, and starting to have fun again. I feel free again, and like myself again. I feel like I have self-worth again, and it's not tied to how HE feels about me. If you make him your everything, and he leaves, you have nothing left. If you make YOURSELF your everything, everyone in the world could leave, and you still have everything. It sounds really abstract, but just trust me on this.

#15 Jun 30 - 7PM (Reply to #11)

Happy1

thank you ninjagirl

I'm going to try to do things I like. I have to figure out what they are now. 8-)

#16 Jun 30 - 7PM (Reply to #10)

NancyM

NinjaGirl

Awesome post agree, agree, agree. Well said.

Nevergoback

#17 Jun 30 - 2PM (Reply to #8)

rhiannon

Your last paragraph...

Your last paragraph really made me think. You just pinpointed and put into words something that I'm feeling, but haven't exactly been able to articulate. I've made my N my everything. I feel like I have nothing left when he's not with me (which, in reality, isn't the case). Your second sentence made me realize that he's made HIMSELF his everything... that's why he can just not care and leave me... he still has everything (in his own little psycho world).

#18 Jun 30 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

NinjaGirl

Bingo!

You got it! :) I say, become as selfish as they are in one way: put yourself FIRST. They have. Normal, healthy people do. Just like on an airplane: assist yourself before helping others. If you aren't in a good and healthy place, you can't be there for others anyway.

#19 Jun 30 - 10AM (Reply to #6)

lynn61

sad

i hear the pain in your words and you don't deserve it. we all want to matter-every person on the face of the earth. and that's the thing...you do matter. please know you are more valuable than needing to matter to a sick and self-absorbed person. you are loved.

really??

#20 Jun 30 - 9AM

NinjaGirl

I wouldn't do it

Just go NC. Make yourself a promise that starting right this very moment, you will no longer email him, respond to his emails, call him, text him, respond to his texts/calls, etc. Don't bother with the games. You're too vulnerable right now. Block him if you have to. I've been NC for a week now, and it feels SO FREAKING GOOD. Every day that I keep up NC, I feel myself getting stronger and find myself thinking about him less. Please don't set yourself up by trying the tactic of building him up and then going NC. It will only backfire and hurt you more in the long run. Build YOURSELF up. And stop contacting him.

#21 Jun 30 - 9AM

smileyfacepr

I say!!

Dont waste ur breath....just go NC..nothing can say more!!!! He will know ur playing games if u do what ur thinking!! If u just go NC ...he wont know what the hell is going on!! They dont care anyway!! And if u really wanted to go NC..u wouldnt think of how to do it..ud just STOP!! Its the quickest road to recovery beleive me Iv tried it all!!

smileyfacepr

#22 Jun 30 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

Janet

Amen to all of the above.

Amen to all of the above. Sadly, they remember no one fondly or wonder if they were "the one". They live in the moment and move on. Close the door and move on to a better life. Peace. J

Peace. J

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