Who Here Has Children with a Narcissist?

I can't say that I am co-parenting with him because I refuse to have anything to do with him. We have a teenager together and he has a cell phone. I will not have contact with him unless it is an absolute emergency and so far so good. I have not spoken a word to him in over 16 months and when we were getting divorced I refused to be in the same room with hi during mediation and his lawyer asked my lawyer why didn't I want to be in the same room with him and we talk all of the time. When it was my turn with the mediators, my lawyer put on the record that I haven't seen or spoken a word to him in 15 months. I just thank God that I do not have to have contact with him or I will go crazy. Good luck to you all that have to have some contact with these monsters.

When i was married to my N he was a teacher and so when the kids were on school vacation so was he, i was working during that time....he would complain "its not fair that i have to do childcare while im supposed to be on vacation"... childcare for his own children...oy!

THANK YOU LISA FOR THIS .. I AM CURRENTLY TRYING TO GET MY LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE AND IN THERAPY LEARNING THAT ITS NOT ALL ME.. ITS MOSTLY THIS SOB I HAVE BEEN WITH FOR 24 YEARS. I WANT TO JUST SAY IF HE POPS HIS HEAD IN HERE ONE MORE TIME TO SEE IF I AM DRESSED APPROPRIATELY YOU ALL WILL BE VISITING ME IN JAIL.. "YOU DON'T SEEM TO INTERESTED IN ME" UGH!! OH YEAH .. WE HAVE 4 CHILDREN TOGETHER AND 2 OF THEM WALK IN DADDYS FOOTSTEPS~!~ I DON'T MEAN TO SHOUT.. I JUST REALIZED I WAS TYPING IN ALL CAPS.. I think I did mean to yell.. this is liberating~ Hugz to people who deserve them.. D

Co-Parenting with my ex is so difficult...and i use the word parenting lightly because i am the one raising the children (14 and 11) and he visits. He moved out 7 years ago and was initially 3 hours away. Almost 3 yrs ago he moved 5.5 hours away. He claims that his relationship with the kids is as close as it would be if he lived nearby and that his moving farther would better their lives. (go figure) Ironically he actually works with children (he was a teacher and now is director of a camp) and feels that he has superior knowledge (shocking right...lol) about what is best for children and yet his fathering skills are so minimal. In his professional life he is very respected and the kids all love him and think he is so amazing. Which he actually is since in that capacity he only needs to have a perceived connection to these kids and not any deep emotional bond. With his own childen he is disengaged. He naps or brings others along to help entertain them. His visits and phone calls are erratic and a number of times he has told me that he is unable to visit the kids because he cannot afford gas money. When he does visit he spends money on things like video arcades and movies and he posts entries of their activities on facebook to show his "friends" what a great father he is. There are times when he will not call for a week or not visit for many weeks on end and others when he is more attentive. Generally he is more attentive when he has someone he wants to impress. Currently he has a girlfriend (poor thing has no idea what he is) and is trying to insinuate her into their lives full-force. He is on his best behavior since she has money which he desperately needs. (he had written me long letters of how financially destitute he was just before they began dating and then again just before they got back together again after a breakup) The second time she met my daughter he allowed her to take my daughter out alone for a mani/pedi, apparently neither adult has bounderies. He spends so little time with them you would think (yep i still occasionally try to believe) that he would want to build on his relationship with them alone. When the children get upset about his actions and i talk to him he is either defensive or totally emotionless and tells me things like "thank you for your communication i will try to be more thoughtful" or "i am working very hard on that" and then ignores whatever the concerns were. In the end we are the ones who end up looking like a shrew when we get upset and frustrated. Occasionally the kids understand what is going on, and i try to explain to them that he is their father and they should love him but he is somewhat limited. My daughter has actually told me she thinks of him as more of an uncle than a father. Handling having children with this man is a day to day process and i feel guilty that i have given my children this man for a father...will he care, wont he care, im never sure...and after all this time i have to say i still keep expecting more than i know the kids will ever get.... It would be easier for us if we could have NC, and healthier, but unfortunately its not a possibility. Although i struggle with trying not to engage, i advocate for my kids so they at least can see i try, i try not to get too frustrated with his actions though im not always very good at that and i count down the years till my youngest is 18 and i dont have to deal with him anymore...lol i give you lots of credit for not letting him get the best of you!!

This is also my biggest area of struggle. I like the idea of Low Contact (LC) as a way of reconsidering NC - which is virtually impossible when children are involved. I have 2 boys; 4 and 6 y/o. I am the primary custodian and have total say over when, how, and where he sees my boys. In 8 months, he has not taken them overnight 1x nor spent more than 6 hours with them on any given occasion. I am at a point where I feel like a true single parent. I feel like I make all of the decisions about what the kids do, in terms of sports and extra-ciricular activities without him because I can't have a rationale conversation with him about anything anymore - he is constantly defensive and nothing is his fault. Sound familiar? And, when he is with my boys it is a mixed blessing. I think they need to see their father, but he also seems to use them as a dumping ground at times for his bypassed shame as he projects his own miserable beliefs onto them. So, I don't really want him to spend much time with them. My therapist said, "When you look at him you see a 61 y/o man; but you must remove the mask and realize that you are really dealing with a 4 or 5 y/o." And what happens when young children spend too much time together - they fight or disagree after several hours - and need to go home. That is how we need to think about their parenting capabilities. Maybe I'm lucky afterall that I'm not in a full custody battle with this incompetant "man," who likes to claim to be their father when its conveinent or helps to make him "look better." It is a journey isn't it? Maybe it will take us longer to fully "heal" from our wounds because we will get triggered more often due to LC vs NC. I would love to kick his ass to the curb for good.... Blessings to you!

3 kids, but he doesn't give me any child support. He says I am whore and I need to learn a lesson. He is mad because he fled the country for stuff he has done and now its somehow my fault i wont run to him because to him im a "whore of a wife"..the way i handle him is a nice big hang up. sorry i know thats not really helpful in ur situation..

I have 3 kids (15, 12 & 10) with exN#1 after a 13 year marriage. I have 1 child (2) with stbxN/P who I have known 4 years and been married to for 2 1/2 years. I am currently going thru a nasty divorce from stbxN/P and he is trying to get custody of our daughter. I practice LC (low contact) and communicate via email only with both exN#1 and stbxN/P. I follow the parenting plan/court order to the letter and do not allow any variance unless there is a death in the family. I did not do this in the beginning with exN#1 and paid for it with numerous trips to court. Now there is no leeway given for either of them. There are still surprises from both of them and there always will be. Its the nature of the beast but it still sucks. They've each been thru various girlfriends who have had varying influence on the kids. ExN#1 is the biggest pain in my ass currently but my older kids are finally getting old enough that they are standing up against him. I have a restraining order against stbxN and he just generally gives me the silent treatment.