who's crazy?

We miss the image of the perfect guy, that's all - when you think about all the evil he did, do you miss that? Bet you don't....we miss the promise of being with someone who would do anything for us, but in reality, stomped on our hearts and lied, cheated, deceived etc.... It will get better but nc is the only way. I'm only now (after 5 months of dumping his ass) getting to the point I don't want to hear from him. I can honestly say now.....I DO NOT want to ever hear from him again - and this is a man I was planning on moving country for and built my life around. I didn't think I could live without him, but I am, and you will to...it takes time and there's no timeframe but I guarantee this, if you go back, it'll be worse the next time around - I never went back, dumped him the minute I discovered the real him, but I know so many people who have and they NEVER change xxx

I'm in exactly the same position as you. I've even come to the conclusion that I want to move away from the town I was born and raised, just to get myself away from him physically. Even when and especially when they give you the silent treatment, it makes your mind go crazy. How could you be sitting here wondering what he's doing, wishing he would care, wishing he would call and just say 'hey how is your day going?' and really care, wishing he would think of you the way you're thinking of him, wishing his heart could be just as invested as yours. Over and over again they prove to you that this will never happen. They will always give you just enough to keep you holding on emotionally. My Narc took away my stability in every way. Emotionally, financially, and mentally he drained everything. By the time I was fed up, all I needed was him. His plan worked and I fell into his trap so easily. Ignoring my gut feelings from day one. The best thing for me that works, is to keep a support system strongly in tact. Whether it be a small group or a large group of close friends and family or even this website. Especially this website. There will be that strong urge to contact him and miss him and reach out to him. My sister told me 'why give him another second that. Think that each second you give him now, is going to take you that many more hours, days, months, or years to get yourself back. Each time you come into contact with your ex Narc, the more of your life that you are handing to him. We have all already given them enough. Time, money, heart and sometimes entire lives. Why continue to hand the small amount of nothing you have left? And that's just it, when we continue with exNArc's, we are handing them everything they want. Everything we need for ourselves to live as normal functioning human beings. I have a journal that has saved my life as well. My journal has been turned into a self educating dictionary about narcissism. EVerything new I learn about this personality disorder, I write it on the next blank page of my journal. This along with all terrible memories and even some good ones of exNarc and I, keep me sane and pushing forward. Which is all we can do. Stay strong and continue pushing forward. No more steps back! NO MORE

It is crazy, but it is the effect of loving what the mask presented them to be even after seeing what's behind it. Mine was so good at keeping the mask on most of the time and that's what makes it so hard for me. Its what puts seeds of doubt in my mind that he is really a narc. Then he'll do or say something that confirms it again now that I know what to look for. Cognitive Dissonance. I've got it bad. There is another recent thread that explains it very well. I'm so far away from loving anyone new and its not because I want to that I wish I did, but just to stop the horrible pain of missing N when common sense tells me I'm better off with him gone. Journey on...

Me, too, to all of this - knowing I deserved better, hating what he put me through, trying to understand what happened, where he went, why he wouldn't just tell me it was over, hating him, loving him, missing him so much, praying I would hear from him, getting anxious all over again when I did, wanting him to stay away so I could start trying to move on, NOT wanting him to stay away because I still wanted him in my life. It's hell.

...and it really freaking sucks, I know exactly what you mean. For me, it's the puzzle thing. Like my mind, in it's state of dissonance, is itching, DYING to make this uncomfortable-assed feeling go away, wants to solve the puzzle. By deferring back to our original take on these guys, that they were really decent people somewhere inside (also I think it's human nature to want to see the good in people over the bad), let that play out again and see if we can rearrange the maddening contradiction that way. Like maybe good will triumph, especially since we tend to want to trust ourselves and we once believed he was good. Plus it hurts so bad, we want the pain to stop, our mind will try and fixate on the good things in an attempt to self-soothe. Mixed with a bit of denial. It's going to take some time to arrive at indifference, but we'll get there. These assholes don't deserve one more minute of our precious time or one more ounce of our energy. They're soul-stealers. Fakers. Life-takers.

Everyone here experiences this that's how we ended up here we know there is something terribly wrong when we begin to feel this way. Its their disorder projected on to us The sweetest supply source to the narc is the one he can make "crazy" nothing makes him feel more powerful