Why does everything have to remind you of them?

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#1 Sep 28 - 10PM
hooklineandsinker
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Why does everything have to remind you of them?

Was out tonight just to meet a work associate to have a "cure"from being out the night before, and ended up meeting these other guys who were fun and cool and all. One of them was a bar manager and invited us back to his bar after hours for some drinks and chat and music. Totally genuine guys - I knew I was in no danger of any kind. Anyway turns out one of them is a huge Pink Floyd fan and he started playing loads of Pink Floyd tunes while we were having after hours drinks. The ex N is a MASSIVE Pink Floyd fan and it just gave me such memories and such goosebumps listening to the likes of "Comfortably Numb" and "Wish you were here".

I guess my question is: can narcs actually be passionate about things like music? and movies? because mine totally was. And I suppose I'm thinking: if they are capable of being totally into x type of music, as in passionate about it, or totally into x type of movies, surely that demonstrates that they are somewhat normal in that they can demonstrate enthusiasm/passion/emotion for music/movies etc? Am I just grasping at straws here? Am I just fooling myself? Is it possible to be a narc but still actually really care about stuff like this?

Your thoughts please!

Sep 29 - 5PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

music and movies

They love the drama and the pretend and the happily ever after. I was so shocked because mine did not like anything but romantic comedies and comedy/dramas. This is a hard-ass Chicago judge, likely from a mob family of three generations. His favorite movie was "Tin Cup." I found out later that someone once told him he looks like Kevin Costner (yeah, Kevin Costner with AIDS) and he was in love with Renee Russo. So I guess he just liked to play out his fantasy that someday he would meet Renee Russon on the golf course and convince her to leave her proper boyfriend for antisocial HIM. So freaking weird and sick. So pathetic. I mean, Jeez, my favorite movie is "Apocalypse Now." Embarrassing. I showed him so many movies, from that to documentaries about Chicago serial killers to comedies like "School of Rock" and "Napolean Dynamite" and "Raising Arizona." Nothing. Everything was "stupid." As for music, I know he had songs in his head that he thought about but wouldn't listen to anything. He always asked me to turn off music, and I swear I am convinced that it is too evocative of emotion and he WOULD NOT HAVE THAT.
Sep 29 - 6PM (Reply to #15)
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

Weirdness. How can anyone

Weirdness. How can anyone not like music? I recommended Raising Arizona to mine as well - he didn't like it either! I thought it was hilarious. Mine had kind of strange taste in movies too. His very favourite was about a serial killer. He watches extremely violent horror and porn. Yet when hungover and feeling "the fear" as he called it, he would watch kiddy shit like Home Alone, etc. I had always thought the lyrics to "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd were about a musician suffering from deep depression and needing a shot from his doctor just to be able to go on stage, but the x maintained that no, it was about life, about how you become more and more numb as you get older.
Sep 29 - 5PM (Reply to #12)
kiwi10
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Kevin Costner with AIDS

lol!! ooooo... hot...
Sep 29 - 5PM (Reply to #13)
helldweller
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fierflie

I'll post his photo for a half hour. Be right back.
Sep 29 - 5PM (Reply to #14)
kiwi10
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helldweller

let me know if that works for you, i can't upload any pics :(
Sep 28 - 10PM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Sure they can care...

about music and movies...they tend to like drama, they are actors after all. They often borrow music lyrics and movie lines (wasn't "you complete me" from...what was that Tom Cruise/Renee Zelwegger movie?) They're actors and they like new material. And they may like things like music, movies, books. But from that you can't extrapolate that they're normal when it comes to dealing with living, breathing human beings. They just don't operate the same way you and I might. So...you're reaching pretty far there, but I understand the need to figure this stuff all out. Hang in there darlin. xoxo
Sep 28 - 11PM (Reply to #2)
better off
better off's picture

Wow, I was just talking

Wow, I was just talking about this with someone else tonight! I was watching the movie Capote recently (which is kind of boring, but definitely a narc portrayal) and I realized something about them and their "emotions." They don't really relate to us as real people, we're objects, dolls, toys... characters in their play. So, I think that they can "feel" things but it's still not real, it's manufactured. Like, we can all relate to characters in movies and books, and you can have experience actual emotions watching a film, even to the point of CRYING. And you feel really sad when you're crying over those imaginary people. Or you can feel happy and joyful when the guy gets the girl at the end, or someone triumphs over adversity. But it's all vicarious and not real, because the characters aren't real. You can go from crying in grief at the end of a movie, to outside in the daylight to discuss where to go eat lunch. It's forgotten. The grief wasn't real grief, it's over. Let's have sushi!! Somehow that's the only analogy I can think of.. they can "feel" these pretend feelings with us, and act out the scene... and cry or be joyful or whatever the scene requires, and it's sort of a real feeling... and then walk out of the theater. (And into someone else's, they seem to like double features) It's over, it's done, the "feeling" is gone and forgotten, because we aren't real to them. No one is real. Everyone is an object.
Sep 29 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

Oh god, that's so damn

Oh god, that's so damn depressing. Mine used to say a lot "when I'm done with something, I'm done with it" All of these chilling prases he used, and it never ever crossed my mind that one day I would be the object of them. I mean, he bitched a lot about people (family, work colleagues, whoever) and I suppose that should have been a red flag but he made ME feel so special that I felt fully sure that I would never become the butt of his hatred. And we all know how that one turned out. I'm just going through a phase of really really missing him at the moment, hence all the "grasping at straws" posts. If he came back I know I would entertain him - I mean, I would be very cold and upfront with him about the way in which he trashed our relationship, but I know I would at least deal with him. Unless of course I fall madly in love with a normal, sane guy in the meantime and this wipes him out of my heart and mind completely....
Sep 29 - 6PM (Reply to #7)
tynk3377
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wow hook

"when I'm done with something, I'm done with it" word for word...your not on the east coast by any chance are you?
Sep 29 - 6PM (Reply to #8)
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

Tynk:

On the east coast of Ireland, yes! I have to admit I'm kind of jealous of those whose exes come back. I've been NC for a month now and there hasn't been a sniff of him. I feel he doesn't care whether I live or die. Even if you felt someone wasn't right for you in the relationship sense, you'd still miss them and feel fondness for them and want to know how they were doing from time to time, no? Or is that just a normal man?
Sep 29 - 7PM (Reply to #10)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

sometimes i think normal men

sometimes i think normal men cut off contact. i mean i'm best friends with my x... so... i don't know. here's the thing, if they are friends with all of their x's, it's weird. either way... i haven't read your story, but does he deserve your friendship? mine wants to be friendly with me so he looks good, but he's a piece of dog shit on my shoe. they feel fondness because they think they own you or because they want something from you. thats not real fondness, but i totally understand why you feel the way you do hon
Sep 29 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
tynk3377
tynk3377's picture

don't be jealous

after being dumped over and over and foolishly believing the BS lies of I love you and can't live without you crap,being hoovered and going back, I finally wised up and left for the last time. N made a few hoover attempts, I called the police, went to court and haven't heard from him since...like he fell off the face of the earth. Actually this is a WONDERFUL thing...I know it hurts and if I am totally honest I do understand where you are coming from...but trust me when I say, it's so nice to think clearly without fearing the phone ringing,or is he going to show up and just BE there, will I turn around and he is just standing there out of no where...scary creepy shit and you can not heal when you live on the edge of fear. Be happy, not jealous...it hurts, I understand, but you are so much better off when they go away and leave you alone to heal.
Sep 29 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

mine was a divorce attorney

mine was a divorce attorney and i was say isn't it sad to divorce all these people? 'no' why are they divorcing 'they don't like eachother anymore' lol 'unconditional love is unhealthy'
Sep 29 - 4AM (Reply to #4)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Yes

I think they can feel the pretend feelings in the moment but thats it. They have no ability to sustain just like they need Supply to maintain their self worth they have no ability to sustain it on thier own. Its like there is a whole in the gas tank - its leaking and you just have to keep filling it up
Sep 28 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

yeah

good analogy.