Why get married?

If a man is unmarried in his 40s or older, it doesn't always mean he's an N/P. Leo Tolstoy, a N, married Sofia Behrs when he was 34 and she was 18... there were times when he questioned himself whether he was more in love with a woman or enamored of the concept of marriage. He strung Sofia&her sisters along... finally writing a letter of proposal on September 14th. He settled on Sofia&they had a strong sexual attraction. After a weeklong courtship, they married. Leo no longer went to brothels, but he did treat Sofia as a prostitute&bragged to Anton Chekhov&Ivan Turgenev that she was at the mercy of his immense sexual appetites. He went from being the womanizing soldier to the stable family man&father... but it was ALL ABOUT HIM and ALL ABOUT IMAGE. Sofia was heartbroken, when after many years of marriage, she read in his diary (they read each other's diaries daily, instead of really communicating) that he didn't believe in love, but that marriage merely satisfied his needs for sex&companionship. They stayed married for 48 years. Pablo Picasso and Frank Lloyd Wright married several times. They also had mistresses. Boris Pasternak, the author of "Doctor Zhivago" stayed married to his wife, despite the fact he'd see his mistress (the inspiration for Lara) in the daytime. He'd be with his mistress in the daytime, with his wife at night. He refused to leave his wife. The mistress was imprisoned TWICE by the Soviet government because of her connections with Pasternak, and eventually died from cancer. The ex-Psych professor D&D'd me for a woman 5 years his junior, a curator (I was 15 years younger, a student) I think she gave him prestige. She may also have been lesbian, so her having sexual demands might not have been that big a deal. He impregnated her around the time I left NM. Not long after she gave birth to the twins (or while she was expectant),he married her. She was 32;he was 37. I think he got married to look NORMAL. People had come to think of him as a confirmed bachelor, that he'd never marry or have kids. The ex-P expected to marry me quickly. He was talking about marriage when I barely knew him. Of course I didn't marry him ;))))

I think mine did it because it looked normal and it is just what people did. He would be just fine living seperately and staying "married" to make everything "look" okay. As long as I just went to things with him sometimes. This I know.

Because for a narc it is all about image and society looks upon marriage as the thing to do... Have a house, kids, etc.. Even if it's a broke narc...an unattached narc... begs of the question... "What's wrong with him that he isn't married" Especially when they can emulate the good guy charm... So the "marriage" helps complete the "image"

Constant source of N Supply to fall back on when the world in general doesn't give them enough. It's a secured source. Makes perfect sense. Listen to that segment of Lisa's radio blog of an excellent explanation!

From what i researched to make them appear normal to the outside world, my narc was married 3 times, first for 19 years and had 3 kids, it is all about appearing NORMAl, which they are far from.

to us because we are functional people who think with logic, something they totally lack. My XN is getting married for the 3rd time July 1 a year and 3 months after he left me, me I have been married once, single since 33, now I'm 51. I take marriage very seriously and not going to put what I worked for my entire life at risk. My XN tried to discuss marriage with me the first six months we dated, ladies if someone you are dating brings up marriage the first few months you are togehter that is a hugh red flag, pay attention!! The N's need that constant supply so that is why they do it, they also fantasize about "ideal" love also my XN's new supply has a little money she got from her last relationship, a little over $100K which won't last too long but I'm sure this is another motivator as they are users and will take whatever you offer. N's need to have their divorce laywer on a constant "retainer" ha ha!!!

they have poor impulse control. They go from one extreme interest to another. And they are intense about it. But the intensity or interest doesn't last. Example: the exN got a farm and raised animals, then decided he wanted to serve other people so started looking into a degree in social work, he also wanted marriage so he spent time looking for love both online and off, then it was foreclosed homes, now he's raising sheep for market. He tends not to finish what he started. An additional answer is, and I quote my former/late H who was not a N, "It seemed like the thing to do at the time!" And, yes, he was referring to why he got married.