Why the narcissist cannot survive without others.

Hi Everyone,

Here are my own personal thoughts on why the narcissist cannot survive without others.

As children, we are all reliant on our parents or caregivers to provide us with what we need for healthy emotional development. When we were infants our parents would have told us if we were doing something wrong and we would have been made to feel that we had done wrong. We didn't know this at the time - we had to be told by them. In the same way, if we had done something good then they would tell us how proud they were of us which would make us feel really good about ourselves and proud of what we had acheived. Again, we did not realise our how well we had done - we had to be told by them.

As we grew older we developed emotionally in a healthy way and began to develop our own conscience (superego) and were able to tell ourselves these things. As adults, we know when we have done well and we feel good automatically without anyone else having to tell us that we should. In the same way, we know in our hearts when we have done the wrong thing and we feel guilty about it. Eeven if no one else knows about it, our conscience makes us feel bad and guilty.

The conscience (superego) is basically the voice of our parents that we can still hear, even when they are not there, telling us that we should feel proud or that we should feel guilty.

But the narcissist never had this type of parenting. His caregivers were incompetent in this role and let him down
badly when he was a small child. He did not develop a healthy superego like the rest of us did. Consequently, as an adult, he is not able to feel bad when he hurts others. Just like a toddler whose parents are not there to correct him when he is naughty he goes on and on behaving badly and doing exaclty what he likes without any sense of remorse. In the same way, he is not able to feel proud of himself without other people constantly telling him how wonderful he is. Without this, he would be forced to face the truth about himself, that he is not perfect, and he would not be able to cope with the shame attached to this realisation. Having to face this would most likely lead to a complete breakdown.

This explains why the narcissist cannot survive without us. They feel their dependence on us for their own survival and it horrifies them. As a result, they try to project this feeling onto us, thus making us feel that we are dependent on them in order to make themselves feel better.

We must recognise this for what it is - PROJECTION.

Narcissists are bullies. All bullies have the same motto, which is: "The easiest way to make yourself feel strong is by making someone else feel weak". Narcissists are lazy. They will achieve their goal in the easiest way that they can, regardless of how their methods adversely affect the wellbeing of others.

We do not need other people's constant input to make us feel proud of ourselves. We have this knowledge already within ourselves because our parents gave it to us. Sometimes, when we are feeling down and depressed we may forget that we have this ability to verify our worth to ourselves, but it is still there and if we try hard enough we feel find it again. This is our prescious gift from our parents that the narcissist will never own.

Always remember:

The narcissist needs other people (us) far MORE than we ever needed them.

We are strong and they are the weak ones!!!

Love to you all my friends,
Nemesis