WORDS OF WISDOM TO SHARE

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#1 Aug 11 - 10AM

neverlookback

WORDS OF WISDOM TO SHARE

It has been a long time my recovering friends since I have posted on this site. I periodically follow your progress and am always so pleased when I read that someone has reached the other side.

In order to free yourself from the power of a psychopathic bond you must allow the illusion of what he appeared to you as to DIE; you must see the reality of what he is and what he will always be and recognize this person suffers from a Cluster B personality disorder. Whatever betrayal pain and destruction he brought into your life was because he is inflicted with this disorder and he only pursued you and all your wonderful glory to only feed this disorder.

With a psychopath you cannot win by expressing your anger at the callous and or complete emotionless disregard for the impact he had on your life. They do not know, cannot comprehend, and they do not care on any emotional level whatsoever. They feed off your emotional energy whether it is love or anger you express. It has always been and forever will be all about them and their perceived needs at any given moment. Psychopaths will not feel remorse, regret, and sadness after you vent to them; neither will they reflect on what you have said and empathize with you. Jekyll was a persona; and they will drop the persona and you with it once you begin to see through their mask.

Someone once stated: "A encounter with a psychopath plants the seed to our salvation" In all my research, education and through my personal journey to recovery I have never read anything quite so inspirational and true as that statement. For truly our salvation from such an experience is to save ourselves from harm, risk, loss and deliverance from the power and penalty of sin; morally and ethically.

Imagine a world without love, never knowing what it feels like to love and care for someone; in all its bitter sweetness- love is the emotion that we are here for. Imagine never being capable of a personal narrative, a personal story that charts our growth towards being more than what we are- by that I mean the wisdom that our own weaknesses, vulnerabilities, faults, and flaws that moves and pushes us towards knowing ourselves better.

In my personal recovery this has been MY salvation and it saved me from further destruction by a psychopath. My salvation has brought me to a place of serenity and the great wisdom to know the difference.

#2 Aug 12 - 4AM

Layla

Beautiful TRUTH.

Every word of this post.....loved this! Thank you! The spirtual aspect you have brought up hit a cord with me....I completely agreed with what your wrote.... "For truly our salvation from such an experience is to save ourselves from harm, risk, loss and deliverance from the power and penalty of sin; morally and ethically." Just WOW. I was nodding my head in agreement big time reading that......

#3 Aug 12 - 2AM

Hunter

Excellent!! Miss you Hunter

#4 Aug 12 - 2AM

sara-smile

NLB

So good to see you again! Sounds like you are in a good place! I'm so happy for you! Sara

#5 Aug 11 - 11PM

fear for my sanity

Thank God for the ability to feel

even though all of us here have at times wished we didn't feel the pain and hurt and anger about the abuse and betrayal we have suffered! I went to a friend's wedding this weekend and I cried with happiness for them and it felt so good to feel love and joy and pride and to be able to share in their happiness. Imagine not being able to do that! What an empty, lonely life (if you can call it that!) we would lead! Ns are constantly absorbed by their own need to feel good about themselves that they are never able to share in anybody else's feelings and they miss out on everything that makes us feel truly alive. I came across a quote from T S Eliot which in my opinion describes the N's life must be like: Half the harm that is done in this world Is due to people who want to feel important They don't mean to do harm But the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it Because they are absorbed in the endless struggle To think well of themselves. T. S. Eliot What a miserable existence! We might hurt like hell after the damage done to us but we are the lucky ones, there is hope for us, not only to regain our lives, but to have better lives as a result of what we've learnt. Neverlookback, I'm so glad you have reached this stage in your recovery! I'm not sure I'm quite there yet but at least I think I'm heading in the right direction. I hope you continue to feel this serenity in the weeks and months to come.

#6 Aug 12 - 6AM (Reply to #4)

Susan32

Not living life

I remember telling the ex-Psych prof that he was sooo afraid of life (let alone death) One of his favorite literary characters, Prince Andrei in "War and Peace",realizes on his deathbed that he hasn't really lived, and as he's dying, he realizes the meaning of life... but it's too late. Prince Andrei has lived his life so afraid of being happy, of being sad, of being compassionate on another's pain, of his own body... that his death is a sudden shock. He has spent so much of his life looking down on others he rages at his sister&his former fiancee when they're weeping over him. It's life as an "endless struggle" or as Buddhists speak of it "hungry ghosts." Singer KD Lang is a Buddhist, and her album "Constant Craving" describes an N's/P's life. The ex-P was NEVER content with anything. His life was of constant complaints. Complaining about getting mail from former colleagues, he HATED getting the mail at work. Complaining that his colleagues didn't appreciate his greatness. Complaining about his "stupid students" (he was mimicking Wittgenstein on that one) He never expressed contentment or appreciation with anything. Not even after his girlfriend had moved&changed jobs to be with him. He doesn't even acknowledge his own children. If you read about his twins, one would assume that their grandparents are raising them because they're orphans (however, both parents are married to each other&are both alive) The ex-P would talk about how he was indifferent to everything, that it was somehow a good thing. He said he was a Quietist that practiced passivity. But Quietism is about peacefulness, accepting life as it is... he was NEITHER.

#7 Aug 11 - 10PM

freaked

Nobody loved me..

I am awash with a deep grief and sorrow on reading your post dear Neverlookback... you say.... do you know I live in such a world? NOBODY has loved me ever... and now I have to be a voyeur in my own Narc Husband's relationship with OW and observe how he is genuinely in LOVE WITH HER. I can't understand this...he has checked positive for every single charecteristic of a full blown Narc... but when it comes to this GF...he is flouting his own NArc Rules and has fallen in love with her. Now, I the wife of 20+ years... who was once strikingly beautiful..slender, honest, loving, faithful. excellent home keeper, star cook and perfect mom... was NEVER given the Adoration which this latest OW is getting...NH picked her up last year ..and she is a divorcee and barely a few years younger than i am. I can't understand WHAT my NH sees in her??? He has been discussing his dream marriage with her..and he has not yet even told me he wants a divorce...he plan bigamy perhaps.

#8 Aug 12 - 6AM (Reply to #2)

ordinarycourage

Dearest artist

Your story touches my heart. Our stories are almost identical. After a 20 year relationship, with 16 years of marriage and two beautiful daughters, my now ExN had an affair with a somewhat younger divorcee and now has been "in relationship" with her for several years. They have bought a house together and taken trips to Hawaii, Costa Rica and Mexico. All this wonderful stuff for her...never for me, the loving beautiful faithful wife. The only thing that helps is the knowledge that he is not really capable of loving someone the way we do. Everything is a wonderful fantasy = idealization phase. The narcs fall "in love" with someone who has something they want - power, money...whatever. Your children will observe all of this and put two and two together. Love yourself and be glad he is gone. Feel pity for the OW as she will have to put up with his bizarre behavior and blaming ways. XXOO

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