the thought of going back to a constant state of anxiety does not sound appealing to me at all!! Sometimes when I think mm maybe I made a mistake, all I have to do is think about the bad stuff and say to myself I would rather be alone and have great friends than be constantly miserable and walking around on egg shells because I never know how he is going to react!
He may be good looking and fun but his personality just plain sucks and is so unattractive now :-)
Right on Lost! thank you! I needed you all these last few days a lot. Thanks for reminding me to get out that list and start re-writing all the gross shit he said and did. Reality snap is what I need.
I am almost where you are Ruby and I think it;s awesome what you just posted. It still would make me so happy to be a fly on the wall watching women in a line one by one walk by him sticking their tongues out at him.
I'm 100% sure no one else wants him.
He has no social life outside of work.
He used to whine that no one hit on him at work like some of the other guys got hit on.
So yeah... I'm an idiot. lol
It's funny how my narc seems so unattractive to me now. I think it's the many attempts at NC, and all the healing that took place each time. I wouldn't wish him on anyone, even if it was to get rid of him. Now that I'm not under his spell, I wonder if other women can see him for what he is? Maybe they can, maybe they're safe.
Or at least not so badly. It might be easier to let him go. Perhaps its pride or my ego or just plain jealousy but even though I've seen his worst and experienced how truly unhappy he can make me, the thought of him being with someone else fills me with dread and utter heartbreak. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't feel that way because I know he won't keep up the good behaviour for long and he is such hard work. She will either have to bow down to his control in which case he will get bored or she will just keep fighting like I did in which case she will constantly be on the receiving end of his rages. Either way its so tiring and soul destroying so why is it that the thought of him being with someone else makes me want to hold onto him ?
indenial that was my whole point...that you are so destroyed by him being with someone else that it makes you want to hold onto him more tightly. I am in a similar boat that you are right now, but then I thought about what it would look like to see all of these women look at him in disgust as he walks by them and guess what? A lot of them do who know who he is. I have to, have to, HAVE TO keep that vision in my mind.
I think its part of the brainwashing and mind control. They put themselves on a pedestal in our heads and they convince us that they are special and every woman wants them and we are lucky to have them but that's not true as we now know, they are nothing special or none of us would be here on this board would we ? Sure there may be women that want them but I bet there are more men who want us and at the end of the day they will do to every woman what they have to us in one form or another. Looks attract the eye but personality attracts the heart. Because they know they are rotten to the core they know they have nothing to keep anyone with them other than toatal brain washing and control. It just sucks that other women may want them cos they don't know how fucked up they are behind the mask. But if they are unfortunate enough to get sucked in they will soon learn. We have to work on getting over other women wanting them and the fear that they will treat them better than us. I get stuck on that one al the time. Consumes me with jealousy :( I have to stop seeing his future with anyone in a positive light and focus on my own future without him in a positive light. Wish he would just disappear. I wish we lived miles apart because then I wouldn't have to ever see or hear of him faking it with someone else. Bloody narcs suck. Hugs to you x
indenial everything you said speaks so much to me...you are so right...they really do make us as jealous and mindf-cked as possible about other women by talking about them all the time to us, comparing us to them, and in my case, even showing me photos of someone he had just had a beer with. Isn't that lovely? I would always be like what the f--k is this??? And then he would casually say oh just someone I met lastnight not a big deal. Then after a month of this when I finally get furious, he blew up and said I was jealous and controlling and INSECURE!!!!!!!!!!! ARRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!! Such brainwashing! Must remember they do it to all women. OMG thank you for reminding me of this. What abuse I have suffered and all of us have at the hands of these poor miserable souls.
I feel your pain totally. It is enough to drive a person to the brink of sanity. Sorry sounds like you are in the same place I am right now. Peace Rose
It is painful. And it does drive you to the brink of insanity. He made me feel so paranoid and helpless that there was a time when I thought every woman we passed in the street wanted him ! Lol I think CD has a big part to play. He really is nothing special but he's done a good job of convincing me he is. Well if so many women want him why the hell doesn't he leave me alone if I'm apparently such a headf**k and have treated him so badly ! Just move on and let me !! Grrrr angry and fed up today. hugs x
Nope. I know what xnh truly is like underneath his narc illusion. It wouldn't matter to me if all the other women in the universe wanted him or didn't want him. *I* don't.
There is absolutely nothing he could do that would entice me back to him. Therefore, if other women don't want him...oh well. That's his problem to figure out. I guess he'd better go live somewhere far, far away from me, all alone with his "Rosie Palm". I'll never participate in xnh's little narc games ever again. :)
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God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.
I don't know how to start my own blog or questions on here at all... I lost all my good talking friends because it seems I am not talking narc related stuff. But I know it is all narc related... Right now my two boys came back, I was alone for a while, and just when I started to enjoy life a bit, I got upset about the group and someone complaining that I put too much music on there and that none of it relates to the discussion about a narcissist. Everything I do is covered up by them. The fathers of my three children (2 dads, 3 kids) and my latest romance, my past, my career as a musician, or singer - is all covered up, it is like living with heavy rap music all the time even though you love classical.... yes, I am living with a steady virus like pac man, and some of the things can't be disconnected unless you want to totally forget that you ever had children. Nobody seems to get how important it was to me, to be able to create a small presence... for myself, and of course someone like me, half popular, on stage a lot, would be accused of trespassing and not sticking to the rules. well, I created a woman whom i stuck my last narc to, I pasted him to her, and nailed him to his own lies. I am not going back, but being alone will make it much tougher. Now I am in the forum like a blind chick who will be unable to find her way around. I don't have a compass to figure out who is who, I cared about the women who told me about their lives. Through the compassion I felt, I felt like I was released, and of course miracles only last for a few days, actually even shorter, a miracle happened fast... I was redeemed through the empathy and compassion I felt for others. There is no other or better way.... but now I am all covered up again and infested by what the narcs left me with: Two screwed up children left for me to bend back to normal, with love to suck out of my innermost walls of nothingness. I am not sure if i can ever get them to function and become compassionate, respectful people. I want to give up on motherhood, and leave. I want to leave them to the narcs and leave my kids with them, like the narcs left them, and then they returned, the narcs manipulated their lives and mine.... the mess is so indescribable sometimes!
yes, I have done so, I told him as well, I said he can be theirs now. He said: "Maybe I just want to be without either of you" very hurtful, I said "Fine, you have nothing to give, not to either of us, so maybe you are right. You can actually do whatever you want from here on out.. you are lying and cheating already again, and know it. I am no longer INTERESTED in knowing what or who you will be with, or talk to. It costs too much. I can't afford for anyone to sit on TOP of me and enjoy life. I am not your support system for more contacts with women or whatever else it is you have to do behind my back. I am no longer interested, my account is depleted, goodbye." I know it made no difference to him probably, in the long run my little speech made no difference, have held the same speech before. It's what comes after that makes a difference. Let them enjoy my narc!
I'd create the OW (the girlfriend who married him&still is), if I had to! I'd mold some sand into her form and breathe the life force into her nostrils.
I'd take the ex-Psych prof to other MEN because he preferred them. If there were no other women, I doubt he'd care. I think he liked the guys.
Not at all ...
Right on Lost! thank you! I
It doesn't make any difference
I am almost where you are
No. At this point I just
I'm 100% sure no one else
Nope
not even if they do!
no i probably wouldnt
indenial that was my whole
arwen
indenial everything you said
indenial
rose
Nope. I know what xnh truly
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God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.
other women
I wouldn't want either one of
Oh sure Sparrow! Regifting a
That is what I have to do now
NO!!!!