Yesterday morning fireworks went off in my head and it hit home that ...
Yesterday morning fireworks went off in my head and it hit home that ...
This man has not and, will never, love any of the women in his life - past, present or, future. We are all just a source of supply/comfort for HIM.
That is why he can walk away without a backwards glance because for him there will never be any real attachment in respect of emotional commitment in any relationship - it is all just a process for him and a means to an end. And every time, he is very aware that he will emotionally suck her dry and then pass by, he knows that he will evenutally move on right from the outset, so there is no reason for him to invest anything of himself in it.
I now realise and accept that this is why he and I, never went through the normal relationship stages. It only ever just spun between the honeymoon, break up, and back to honeymoon stage over and over. Never any true intimacy,
commitment or stability. Lack of trust (with justification) kept me constantly insecure.
Each supply's lifespan is max 5 years (in any one continuous period including the on/off episodes) during which time there is always other NS (either old, new or future cultivation). There is ALWAYS an alternative form of supply(ies) in the background so that once the current
main supply is either D&D or dumps him, the NP has someone to immediately turn to. They can NEVER be alone because they can't face their demons.
Absolutely nothing was real about him or our relationship. It just stopped me in my tracks (like being kicked in the stomach) with the realisation of it all and it made me feel profoundly sad. For ME, not him.
I have also dreamt about him the last 2 nights - haven't done that in ages. One where I receive a call on my mobile from him and am faced with the dilemma of answering (glad to say I ignored). And the other where I am defending myself to his mother - details a little hazy. Both plausible scenarios - I so hope they are not premonitions.
I was feeling so positive and calm and now the sadness and anxiety has returned, so hope it is only temporary.
Dee x
uk lady...
fireworks
Hi Rose
Another insight was ..
Your insights are amazing!
Hi Girlies
uklady
Dee, this is all so very
Dee, I love your posts. You
I feels the same period of