days I want to go back so the pain goes away

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Happy1
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Alisa
Thank you! 4 months out and I know his birthday is a trigger. I will continue, but this is a long process. I just know it's going to be worth it to someday to appreciate me before any other man. I need to build on myself and not worry about a guy right now...especially the one man that has put me in a vulnerable state. Thanks for your support today!
spinning
spinning's picture
Hap, I'm proud of you
for keeping your phone out of reach and for knowing you're especially vulnerable right now! You have come such a LONG LONG WAY!!!! That is great work. Also, the 'hit' is just temporary. Like with all hard-core drugs, the crash is way, way worse and much more prolonged. Good work, Happy. I know it's hard (I'm having an incredibly, surprising hard time after almost 5 months NC) but I'm determined to move past it. Sending you the good vibes. sincerely (still trying to stop) spinning

spinning

Happy1
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spinning
Thanks! I felt my phone was too big of a temptation today. It's amazing after 4 months how the triggers can come and smack us in the face like this. I have been doing okay and today breaking down at work. I am glad I have you guys for the support. Thank you!
Hunter
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Happy
I think you should go get the phone and watch little baby get his wrist set! Remember that was your fault? I hope he jumps in Lake Michigan this summer and becomes fish food! :)
helldweller
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Ideal
I told Happy last year that I'd be glad to buy him a case of vodka, triple wax the deck of his boat and put motor oil on his shoes . . . but only if he takes my narc with him.
Happy1
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helldweller
We can always dream! haha! 8-)
Happy1
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idealk
That's too funny! I do need to watch the video again. It will make me feel a little better I think. Thanks for the reminder of what a HUGE jerk he was that night. I hope he is fish food this year too!
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture
Happy
I forgot that you had that video! LMAO! Watch the video and laugh! I'm sure that will make you feel better. I'd give a million dollars if I had a video like that! I hope he's fish food too and I hope you feel better soon! He's a PIG and he is NOT worth your 2 minutes of your time. You are beautiful, funny and you have a huge heart Happy and you deserve so much better.
Happy1
Happy1's picture
Thank you so much sara-smile!
I forgot I had the video myself and thank Idealk for reminding me! haha! I do need to watch it to remind me what a complete and utter jerk he really is! I really appreciate your support today! I hope this is just PMS for me today and it's over in a flash. I do have a lot of good days now. He is a huge PIG! I needed to hear that! Big Hugs! Happy1
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture
Happy
If I ever get the chance to come to Chicago and visit you and Idealk I want to see the video! LOL! (How sick and twisted is that?) We should get some wine and popcorn and that would be some great entertainment! Maybe it is PMS or just a crappy day! Either way you are doing better and you'll continue to do better. Maybe if you are lucky he'll end up fish-food this summer! :)
Happy1
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sara-smile
Great idea! This movie is worth popcorn and wine! 8-) I am hoping it's just PMS today. This too shall pass! Thank you!!
Goldie
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lol Ideal
I used to have fantacy's about pushing Happy's narc off his boat into the water and driving away on his boat, just leaving him in the middle of the water. I love the fish food part. Goldie
Happy1
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Goldie
I like those fantasies! I'm giving my narc all my bad energy today and keeping the good for myself. The fish wouldn't even like my narc. haha!
helldweller
helldweller's picture
Happy
If fish ate my narc they would die of alchol poisoning. Or boredom.
Happy1
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helldweller
The problem is, fish don't eat shit.
Hunter
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Happy
Ok that was funny! Is there such a thing as a fresh water shark??? Oh wait.. There is it's called a NARC! Ideal
dudette
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hugs to you Happy!
Happy - I am sorry that you arwe having such a tough time... It is so very hard, I know, I posted somewhere else that I am having a set back too.... When we apply this magical thinking thing, we imagine all sort so of nice things that they get up to with OWs Yesterday was mother's day in the UK. My EX N will have taken his son to vist OW for the week-end.... his son could have been my step son in another life... And so may be they had a nice time and may be they did not... but in all cases we know it is only an act, don't we? We all get discarded in the end. Just a matter of time. Hugs to you Happy. It will pass soon x stay NC honey x
Happy1
Happy1's picture
dudette
I'm sorry you had a trigger as well. Goldie said the first year is the hardest and to make new memories this year. It's something I will definitely try to do this year as I will do ANYTHING to get over my narc. Hugs to you! Happy
ewa
ewa's picture
I am feeling the same Happy.
I am feeling the same Happy. I have the feeling that i need to talk to him for last 2 days, it feels like a drug addiction. I know if i contacted him this feeling would go away for aprox 2 weeks. But I do not want to do it, it would help me only for short period of time and then the cycle would start again. I really do not want to break NC this time :(. Please stay strong! Hugs
Happy1
Happy1's picture
ewa
We will push through this day together then. It's not easy by any means. I know you are so right about the cycle starting again in we break NC. It will and we will be devistated all over again. We don't need that! Yuck! Hugs to you!
Redhead1
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Keep NC up! You are doing
Keep NC up! You are doing great! He ain't gonna change, and you deserve so much more. You have outgrown him!
Susan32
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Outgrowing in more ways than one....
That was a motif with the ex-Psych prof. He'd talk about children outgrowing their parents, students outgrowing their teachers. I think the latter showed he saw students as Primary NS (I was secondary NS, despite not being a spouse or lover/girlfriend) A motif in the final D&D, ironically, was that I'd outgrow him. He'd say that staying with him would like being stuck in childhood/school forever. He had seen me maturing, changing (my volunteering&writing in the college newsletter were sore spots)... and he was stuck in the current developmental stage my year old nephew is in. He couldn't bear the fact that one day I wouldn't see him as an authority figure or mentor anymore... that I'd see him as an ordinary Joe (no offense to Joes), with the same flaws as anybody else. If I can be patient with a professor who acts like a toddler, I can DEFINITELY be patient with a toddler! He was just the test run. And since he was so robotic, beta mode.
Happy1
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Susan32
Very good point! We do outgrow our narcs eventually! Thank you!
Happy1
Happy1's picture
Redhead1
Thanks so much for the Encouragement. I feel I'm mourning him again thinking of his birthday tomorrow and us celebrating it last year. You're right though. I have outgrown him. Thank you! I guess I need to suffer now so I appreciate the good things. Happy
Hunter
Hunter's picture
Happy
Please. How was that Birthday celebration really? Im sure you planned something fabulous and he criticized something or everything. I bet he even returned the well thought out gift you got him. Do tell us how that special occasion went? :) He's an snaggletooth asshole. Idealk
Happy1
Happy1's picture
Idealk
He did complain about what I bought him. I bought him a really nice stained glass AU lamp and he said when he took it to work that it wasn't working. Nothing I ever bought him worked or he didn't like it. I never could do anything right. Good times!
Susan32
Susan32's picture
Unappreciated gifts
I think there is a Tibetan Buddhist goddess who rides a white elephant, and I'm her ;) I gave a "trinity spice mix" to my senior thesis advisor, and those on my committee-and that included the ex-Psych prof. Since it was after the final D&D, when he complained... my response was a shrug and eye roll. I asked him if he wanted to return it... or give it back to me. He was backed into a corner. I made an incredibly sarcastic comment and walked off about how he couldn't appreciate anything. He complained that it was too spicy;he didn't like spices because he had something like IBS (it seems to be common among Narcs because emotional repression is often connected with it, my Narc grandmother also has it) I'm an Expert on What He Dislikes--namely, everything.
sara-smile
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Idealk
Snaggletooth? Does Happy's Narc need a Orthodontist too? Maybe we could get them a group discount!!
Happy1
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sara-smile and ideal
You made me smile! He is a snaggletooth and in need of an orthodontist. 8-)
Hunter
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Sara
I think it may be something to look out for in the future. No men with bad teeth. :) Idealk