Just went to court on Friday. My N told my lawyer that i never allowed him to see his child (he's such a liar!) An hour after court, i realized this was his scheduled weekend so i called him to ask if he getting our daughter & he said, "no, i can't this weekend". What a loser! I don't want to accommodate him in any way. If court order says he needs to pick up child by 6:00, how long do you actually give them? Does anyone have advice on what works for them as far as pick up & drop off of child?
do the pick ups and drop offs at the local police station.
NEVER EVER YOUR HOME!!!
Give them an hour. Document and tell your attorney if they don't show. TELL attorney this person is constantly breaking the rules and TELL THAT ATTORNEY NEVER TO TELL THE N HE HAS EXTRA TIME TO PAY OR SHOW UP AS HE IS A USER!!!! This is unstable for your child. If the attorney gives you a hard time FIRE HIM (in fact I'd start looking for a new TOUGH one on Monday and when you find one fire the other one immediately)
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"As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
I'm still sort of where you guys are... except mine does try to contact me... too much actually. But the sameness is in that underlying desire of mine for it to keep happening so that I could ignore hime, make him wait, whatever it was... but as time goes on... I want it less and I care less. I'm not where Dcrutche is quite yet... but I can see it coming. The reason you guys really don't want him to contact you, and I know you think you do, but the reason you really don't is because you WILL get caught up in it. If yours are anything like mine, it would just become a toxic tug of war... he's really nice and then you miss him and talk to him.. then WHAM he's mean again and blaming. And it goes back and forth and back and forth... until there's no choice but to drop the rope.
I finally went to the YMCA gym I belong to tonight for the first time 5 months. He was on the membership that I was paying for. I walked right in and got him removed... that felt darn good, so then I thought might as well work out. Did a light workout since I haven't been doing ANYTHING lately...and then I signed up for the Pilates class that starts next week. This tells me I'm getting there, because I'm finally wanting to do something. Everything I do still seems like an effort... but at least something is better than nothing.
I guess the point of this post is to tell you really that I completely understand how you feel. I still look at my phone several times a day too...
That is the dangerous part about contact. I so agree with finallydone on this - it is toxic and you risk getting caught up with it again. All he is going to do is discard all over he just using you. I hate it. It really hurts. So many times he would be SO full on with me then discard me for 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks I would say "ok no more!" I would even draft up text messages that were cold and aloof to tell him I wasn't interested etc and to discard him.
It never happened! I would see his name and melt and my heart would filled with joy! So even if I was a little aloof it would be to turn him on and make him chase me, not to discard him. And then of course it started again and I would be totally fallen and would be excited to see him.
Even though the cycle happened over and over again my toxic delusional hope that he would fall in love with me and change and want to be with me would overtake my common sense and brains.
I used to check my phone all the time too, and I wondered why he didn't come after me. It hurt, and I kept saying that I needed closure. My divorce was just final two weeks ago today and I think that it really helped me finally admit that it is over. I even felt sort of relieved, like I no longer have to deal with him. It is really hard to talk to people who don't get Narcissists. They think that you should be friends, whatever. I don't want to be his friend. I wouldn't ever pick someone like him as a friend. He isn't a quality person. It just takes time, lots of time and lots of grieving. Let yourselves grieve the end of the relationship, then end of your fantasy. You really will be okay.
I call it the dance. We want him when he is nice but want to toss him when he is mean and nasty. In my case, most of the time I wanted to toss him. Hmmmm They are well aware of what they are doing to us. I hate him. I"m so glad I found this site. I read what everyone is saying and remember why I need NC. If it wasn't for this site, I would have caved by now. Thanks so much. Pretty soon, we will be discussing our "New lives." :)
Just went to court on
NanC
Dcrutche is right
Agree with finallydone
Thanks Finally Done
"Dancing with the Devil"
break NC - and see what happens!