Still rambling...

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#1 Oct 13 - 4PM
highlander
highlander's picture

Still rambling...

I feel like I have to write some of my feelings today. I am so full of so many mixed emotions about her and how this has all gone down. This just may be my cross to bear. I really, really hope not! You guy's perspectives on all of this have been so helpful, and I thank you.

My best friend asks what number the gut ache is. For he and I, the "gut ache" is that horrible feeling of rejection, loss, disbelief and pain from the loss of someone you love. A 10 is where your in a fetal position, not eating or functional, smoking millions of cigarettes and sobbing. A 1 is where you still occasionally think about it, but with very little pain. I think I've been at a 2 - 4 for quite a while now. It just remains there, sometimes 2, sometimes 3 or 4. It's like I got over pneumonia, but a low-grade fever persists and just won't go away. I will be go glad to reach the point of where some of you are, of indifference and gratitude to have dodged the silver bullet.

I do feel, however, as my film projects progress into reality, it just may push me over the edge into serenity and acceptance. I'm still struggling with the idea of her sleeping with someone else, I admit it, but the more positive things that happen for my brother and I, the more validation I feel. The thing is, without her, I would not be here. She so inspired me to pursue this dream, and was a partner in our production company. My biggest cheerleader. It has just taken so long, as ALL films do, she lost faith. Why was I in LA if nothing was happening? I can go skiing and have sex with this guy in the office, so I'm done. I'm paraphrasing, of course, but you get the point.

Last night, my partners and I had a meeting with a very well respected, studio approved writer who was referred to us by the director of acquisitions of one of the largest talent agencies in LA, who wants to do the script re-write and take it to his friends at several major studios. He is extremely high on the story and thinks it's a winner. This is major for us. It takes our little French film, triples the budget and gets it done by a major player. That's huge. Yesterday, our production company was approached by another film maker to handle the production of a movie that he wants to do AND he already has the money! After the meeting, there was an email from him with the script attached (which was excellent!), asking our opinions! How about that!!

I feel like, when one of these things finally break, I will have some serious validation. Obviously, she is no longer involved, and I'm feeling some smug satisfaction that once she finds out, which she definitely will, she will throw up! The ship sails without her. That's good, and I'll love it. She was wrong about me and my vision and dreams, and she will have to live with it. But beyond that, this is very validating for me as a person, and I think that soon, this will all be a distant memory. Lets face it, I will be meeting some very cool people, traveling all over the world, and my income will go up tenfold, and it will all be without her! She is still in my heart, but not my life.

I just can't wait for this damned fever to break. It just can't be soon enough!!

Thank you all...

B

Oct 13 - 7PM
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Bramst or Caliboy (haha) this is magnificent

news! You must be over the moon! Perhaps this will be just the thing to propel you to that final place of indifference and serenity. I'm glad to hear that you're down to a 2-4 "gut ache." I remember the 10 days I had, and they're awful. I called it the "broken heart feeling." What do you think of the warm Cali weather in October? I'm in SD. Btw, I have a friend who is also a screenwriter and actor who goes up to LA often. He knows directors, a couple on his FB, and I wouldn't be surprised if you all know the same industry people. What a small, small world! I was going to reply to your last reply about crying. It is harder for men to cry, bc of the societal stigma I suppose (not being a man I wouldn't know, lol), though I have known men who did freely (my father for one), but now it doesn't seem like you'll be crying anytime soon!! :) Though if you ever feel the need, the shower makes a great place. Even if discovered, no one can tell. Lol. I also wanted to say your grandma sounded like a smart lady. What she said, I experienced first hand, and it is wise and the absolute truth! Good luck with the film project! I will say a prayer. P.S. You should celebrate in a special way, even alone, you deserve it!!
Oct 13 - 7PM (Reply to #13)
highlander
highlander's picture

Hi Caligirl, Thanks for

Hi Caligirl, Thanks for getting back to me on that. My friend really boo hoos at times, and says he always feels better afterwards. I guess I just stifle my emotions too much to do that. Unfortunately, the one time that I really broke down, when I saw that she had blocked me from FB (actually, a good thing she did), my step-son, her son, was spending a few days with me on my boat in MDR. He must have told her when he got home. A couple of days after he left, I got a BS email from her. I think it was her feeble attempt at remorse. Not only BS, but she said " I'm not having massive sex like you must thing, and it's only physical anyway, and it's my prerogative". That was 10 days after she dumped me, and a couple weeks later, her status was changed to "in a relationship". It's been pretty brutal. NC has prevented me from knowing anything else, but my imagination tells me plenty! Actually, I'm in the Pacific Northwest for a bit. I'm cold!! B
Oct 13 - 6PM
ally2375
ally2375's picture

Bramst

Oh my gosh, this is HUGE!!! Is the film officially optioned? Do you have a commitment from the production company? It sounds like you are at the point of an incredible break. This is like winning the lottery man! (if winning the lottery involved YEARS of hard work) You should be so proud of yourself, seriously! I'm sorry you're still struggling with visions of the ex. Picturing mine with someone else was the last bit of the haunting to fade. But it will. You won't have a fever forever. In the meantime, it sounds like you have WAY more exciting stuff to focus on. I'm so excited for you!!!
Oct 13 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
highlander
highlander's picture

Hi Ally, Nothing is written

Hi Ally, Nothing is written in stone yet, but things are moving in such a positive way, and faster and faster, BUT I never count my chickens, well, you know. Yeah, this has been 3 1/2 years of hard work. It has been a labor of love, and has pretty much cost me everything, including you-know-who. The idea of failure just doesn't exist for me. Not now, not ever. I really wish that wasn't the last haunting to fade. It's still a horribly vivid picture in my mind that I can't shake
Oct 14 - 12PM (Reply to #10)
ally2375
ally2375's picture

bramst

The idea of failure just doesn't exist for me. Not now, not ever. I LOVE this. That's the kind of tenacity it will take to get where you're trying to go, too. But, I believe you will. 3 1/2 years of pouring everything into something you believe in is an incredible commitment. I am hoping for you that it pans out (I will curb my enthusiasm this time...unhatched chickens and all that. But I'm still excited for you ;) As far as what it cost you, I'm sure the price was high. But, I've read your story. Your ex has serious problems and that isn't about you or how you've spent your time these past few years. She displayed a remarkable lack of character and inflicted a lot of pain. That's on HER. We're so conditioned to think that all problems between a couple are relationship problems. With Cluster Bs, this is simply not so. The vivid pictures you mention are torment. I remember. What I used to do whenever my mind would go there was picture a big red stop sign that blotted out everything else. It's not a perfect process, but eventually the stop sign just appears. You retrain your brain.
Oct 14 - 1PM (Reply to #11)
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

ally

have you been asked to be a mod yet? If so, I hope you accept. If not, I hope so soon. Your responses to whatever post just always seem to be right on for everyone. You speak from your heart.
Oct 13 - 6PM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Hi Bramst

You are definitely out of the Liszt period. Period. Go forth and be ultra successful. She never deserved you as is so evidence. Please just go for it, what an exciting future you have in front of you and you will in time meet someone so more worthwhile of your time and love. Leave the fantasy behind you - because that's all it was. I know it is not easy but you know it makes sense - you were just in love with the dream. You sound such a wonderful guy with so much promise and talent of a really bright future. I would love to know what your real name is so that when I see it in big, neon lights I will know that it is you. Don't worry any more about her because if you are really honest with yourself - does she worry about you? Wishing you huge success and future happiness. Dee x
Oct 13 - 4PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Bramst

This is all positive!! I'm looking forward to this completed project, wow how exciting , Maybe Narc was in your life for many reasons.. Look at the half full positives!! Wow.. A movie.. Fun.. I can't wait to see the finished project.. The plot, the characters , the scenery!! Something for all to look forward too!! Cheers to your success Hunter
Oct 13 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
highlander
highlander's picture

I hope so, Hunter! I never

I hope so, Hunter! I never lost my focus throughout all of this nightmare. I stayed away from booze and focused on the positive. I still miss her like hell, but my life is getting really good. I'm a guy who did a shit job for a long time because it payed and I had little mouths to feed. They are on their own and it's my time now, even alone...
Oct 13 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Bramst

Alone, is not a bad thing!!! Hunter
Oct 13 - 4PM
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Well, when you do have your

Well, when you do have your big success (congratulations, by the way!), just be prepared for her to be back, with all her winning charm, ready to suck you back into her web. Other than that, I don't know what else to tell you, except that you sound as though you're doing very well in your healing process -- I only wish I were at a 2 and not a 9! hugs, D.
Oct 13 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
highlander
highlander's picture

You mean the "I'm so sorry,

You mean the "I'm so sorry, hon, I made a huge mistake and want you to come home to me, oh, and congratulations on winning the lottery" email? I've been warned about that! I was a 9 for a long time. I was a constant 6 until I discovered this support group. It's helped a lot. You'll go from 9 to 6 to 3 before you know it, Dulcy! I really don't miss her less, but I for sure don't miss the shit she put me through, either, and I'm seeing that a lot clearer. Her new guy, poor bastard, gets to experience that. I think that maybe there is a sweet, emotionally healthy gal out there for me. I hope I'm still somewhat of a catch. I'm just now going to be hyper-vigilant of red flags!!!
Oct 13 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
spinning
spinning's picture

Great ending, Bramst!

I like your last two sentences. Where you focus your thoughts becomes your reality. Focus on what you'd like with a sweet, emotionally healty gal and focus on your good qualities and you will get that right back at you! This is the truth. This is how it works. I'm living proof. Keep pressing ahead, Bramst. I am so glad you are finding help here and working to move past the pain. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT!

spinning