Emergency Temporary Supervised Visits?

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#1 Dec 11 - 10PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Emergency Temporary Supervised Visits?

Does anyone know what the process is or how long it takes for this to be in place? I have the $ to pay the lawyer now, but I missed her today. I'm anxious to know how long it takes for this to happen. I know, I know, I am eventually going to have to share my child with the Narc BUT I don't want to hand her over without certain stipulations. N called today and asked if he could get her tomorrow so he could take her with him to cut down a Christmas tree. I know its none of my business and shouldn't have "gone there" but yes, "I went there", I asked, "Where are you putting the tree, on top of your car?" He said, "I have a house". I asked him for an address and he said he didn't know it yet but would give it to me as soon as he got it. I asked him if he finally convinced his gf to let him move in and he said no, "she has her own house that's paid for". (Whoop toodoo!)I told him this wasn't his weekend and he couldn't take her. He said he was a good father and I asked him exactly how did he come up with that conclusion. He said he's never stopped loving her! (Sorry buddy, but I think it takes a little bit more than that to make a good father!). I'll never forget the "no show" or no presents he pulled last xmas to be with his new gf. I called him later to tell him that I wasn't keeping her from him but that I wasn't going to accommodate him in any way. He'd been crying...oh brother, he acts like he's the freakin' victim here! He is sooo pathetic! I'm sure he had already called his gf and cried to her on how a horrible person I am but I don't care...

Dec 13 - 1PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

Some cities have hotlines to

Some cities have hotlines to get some emergency legal advice call the Bar Association and see if there is one in your area. If you know a paralegal they know a lot and are often happy to help. there are also some on-line legal advice websites. Some are free some are run by paralegals with supervising lawyers and they do charge. The courts have holiday schedules and that makes things more complicated. If your ex won't give you his address how can you let your child go with him. you don't know where it is or who lives there and that is irresponsible. You need to contact him with proof in writting that these are your concerns and that if you would permit this it could be thought of as child neglect. Ask him to arrange to see her in her home and bring her gifts, open them, and celebrate in a safe environment. Offer to leave while they have their Christmas party. Dollars to donuts if he was a no-show last year he will no-show this year and document everything. He can't force you to answer the door, turn over a child to him when he won't tell you where the child is going, and with whom. Offer to go cut the tree with them. If it is a normal event he will lose interest. then in january you can have the lawyer do some custodial visit guidelines based on his past performance and his lack of information. he has to have an address of where he lives or how could he find his way there! He would have a rental contract with the adddress, he would have to know it to put in a phone, turn on water, put on the electricity. Basically how can you place your child in the hands of a man who doesn't know where he lives. Send an e-mail to the lawyer about the no-show history and the fact that he won't tell you where he lives. then don't answer the phone or the door or go to a friend's house or with family for a few days.You can always tell the court that there were a lot of holiday functions, visits to Santa Claus, and Christmas shopping and you never got a message from him except for the one where he didn't know where he lived.
Dec 13 - 11PM (Reply to #13)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Carolyn

Good idea! "Lots of parties to go to!" thanks for your input! I'm surprised people still rent to this guy! He has no stability & no previous landlords that would vouch for him. He does all his exlandlords wrong & never fullfills not even a six month contract. He is every landlord's worst nightmare....
Dec 12 - 6AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

His Address

TexN, One thing I know for certain, you do NOT have to hand your child over to her non-custodial father, especially without having his actual complete address and phone number...you don't have to give your daughter to someone...and let them take her somewhere that you have no idea where she is at or how to reach her father in case of emergency. If he has been abusive to you in any way, and you have some proof of this (pics & police reports) or does NOT have shared equal joint custody with you...things are in your favor. Your daughter is very young, IF her father is to see her and spend time with her, it is absolutely important to know where she is (his address)...insist on this small amount of info. It is your legal right to know where your child is and who she is with...especially while she is a minor. And don't give in to his 'crying' manipulation. That's all it is, manipulation. I'm sure you know that. They always try the sympathy card when nothing else works...it is hallmark of their NPD. My N BF abused his 2 sons terribly this last summer, and has abused them verbally and physically evidently much of their lives (he hid this from me for a very long time, I NEVER knew or saw signs of it, he always acted like a good father, although I always wondered why his ex-wife had sole custody and he only got every other weekend visitation)... Well this year, someone finally called CPS on him. It was this summer when he was beating his sons outside in the back yard after he felt they were making too much noise in the pool. The boys were not allowed to be with him alone without supervision from then on. The process took about a month to get him before law enforcement and the court for his evaluation, but there was an immediate order that his boys be soley in the care of their mother, or his parents for visits...and he may have them on weekends now...only if I am there to supervise as I was deemed by the court to be a good role model for them, that they trusted and had a close bond with me and felt protected by me...I even put myself really 'out there' for him and also went through an evaluation/background check that I never had to do...just so I could be one of his 'supervisors' so he may see his boys outside of social services direct supervision. He has a case worker in Child Protective Services with whom he has regular appointments, and with whom I keep in close touch as they call me to ask about his visits with the boys and his behaviorIf I were not there for him, he would have to see his boys only in a social services setting for at least the next year. The CPS has more authority than even the police department with the courts. It is a very powerful dept. of law enforcement. Perhaps you can also ask for information about your rights and for their help directly. Ask you attorney about this too. Sometimes there are some small justices with these Narcissist abusive jerks. However, inspite of everything, my N boyfriend still 'pretends' he is a model father and that it was the fault of the person who called CPS on him 'wrongly'...and the police/courts/CPS/social services/etc. that 'got him into trouble'! It is amazing how he still thinks he didn't do anything to his boys that other fathers would'nt do. (yeah right all fathers beat their children with their fists until they are black and blue for making 'noise' during play in the swimming pool) Yeah THAT makes him virtually Father of The Year...in HIS mind. OMG Fortunately there are now all sorts of court documents about him...and just what a 'wonderfuful' father he REALLY is! (sarcasm)...and lucky for ME I have copies of everything (he has no idea)...especially I value the copy of the official letter from the Minister of Justice which deems him to be a "danger to the health and welfare of his children, with a potential risk to 'others' in society"...and that he has an unstable and aggressive/violent personality. He had a HUGE narcissist injury crisis for about a week after receiving this letter directly from the Minister's Office. But now he has talked himself back into his being 'such a great guy' persona...unbelievable! He truly believes he is one of the 'best' fathers 'out there'! Somehow, when he cheats again, and finds his next unknowing innocent prey...I have documented proof of what he REALLY is. I wouldn't give her a copy...but somehow just having it is a small vindication for all the damage he has done to me and anyone else who has dared to love him...or rather love the man he pretended to be. Let him D&D me! Let him say untrue destructive things about me and others when he doesn't get his way!...sometimes I feel like making copies and hanging that letter like a flag all over town... ...make that flag neon RED!!!! HA!
Dec 12 - 8AM (Reply to #11)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

The girlfriend

Good post. Its amazing how, in their twisted mind, they really do think they are good parents!
Dec 11 - 11PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

TexN

You really need to ask the attorney this. It varies tremendously from state to state and within - county to county... also judges exercise some decision-making on a case to case basis... so unfortunately you're going to have to wait to ask her. this might help http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?statelaw_name=Custody&state_code=TX Did you get her a therapist yet????????? ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 11 - 11PM (Reply to #8)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

You said...

You'd give me a couple of days!! (lol!) Actually, I didn't get a chance today. I am struggling, majorly, with my 14 yr. old. He has tourette's, OCD, and ADD, and he is consuming me! I am soo stressed out trying to deal with my dd and trying to get that situation in place and dealing with my son's school from trying to have him kicked out for his behavior (which I just found out this evening, kicking him out would be a discrimination for his disability). Anyway, I have all intentions to find a therapist on Monday. Barbara...I don't want to share my baby...I just don't want to have to! I'm afraid I'm expecting too much of my new lawyer but I just can't phantom the idea of him being in her life! Does it ever get easier? I guess since I've never had to , I can't stand the idea of having to share her after all of this time...
Dec 12 - 1AM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

TexN

hopefully the new lawyer will set so many boundaries and conditions for him to see her; he will just give up and go away. Therapist, ASAP! ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 11 - 11PM (Reply to #2)
4joys4
4joys4's picture

With a narc, once you draw

With a narc, once you draw that line in the sand, you have to defend it.
Dec 11 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

line in the sand

defend it explain it wonder why they don't get it the best thing is to build a concrete wall between you & him and then run in the opposite direction if he climbs over it, "shoot to kill" ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Dec 12 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

Hi

Hello TexN, I am now 4 months no contact and my ExN hasn't seen my daughter since Aug 30th. I dread that i may have to deal with him in future. For now it's quiet and i may be stronger in the future.
Dec 12 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Ellen

For some reason, even if they are not narcs, some men can just walk away from their children & never look back! I know my exN is just trying to get her cos its xmas & he doesn't want gf to think bad about him. Ellen, I know it hurts, but keep strong & remember, everything you do affects your child! Mothers will do whatever it takes to keep their children out of harm's way, even if it means their own father!
Dec 12 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

On that note

Yes on that note, Did you know that mummy hamsters should not be put in the same cage as daddy hamster as he will hurt the babies. Sometimes mummy hamster will even eat the babies to stop the daddy from hurting them. Well i knew a daddy hamster who ate the babies, then the mummy.............i think he was a narc lol!
Dec 12 - 2PM (Reply to #7)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

She obviously

She obviously should have moved out and got a restraining order straight away.