How you will be treated after the breakup, is often about what 'got' to you during the relationship

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#1 May 22 - 1PM
Deidre99
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How you will be treated after the breakup, is often about what 'got' to you during the relationship

I didn't want the title of this thread to be that long. lol

But, I didn't know how to shorten that up, and have it make sense. :)

I started thinking about lately, about why some on here are never hoovered (given ST) and why some are.

Here's my take. I think if you look back through the relationship, what was his/her main method of abuse? Narcs are into establishing control early on. The honeymoon stage is even a controlling phase, actually. He/she is saying I love you quickly, and often, to lure you in to allowing him/her to control you.

Once control has been established...the narc starts exhibiting signs of abuse. Some use the silent treatment to get his/her own way. Some manipulate, with things like...''if you loved me, you wouldn't have questioned me.''

On and on the list goes.

If you think back to how YOU were mainly abused, (there's usually a pattern, and sometimes a blend of things used)...you will probably understand how you are being treated now, after the breakup. If you always reacted to the silent treatment, by begging and pleading...that will be the tactic he/she uses on you after the breakup. If you always reacted to manipulation, that's how you will be treated after the breakup. And so on.

I always reacted to him saying negative things about me. I would be like...'why are you saying this about me?' Ugh, I remember these chats like they happened yesterday. He would then rant, and hang up on me.

Guess how he treated me after the breakup? He went on a smear campaign to our friends, and I would break NC...text and say???? Everyone??? haha ''why are you saying these things about me?''

He would rant and hang up on me.

So...if you are wondering why your ex can seem so cold, and is using the silent treatment, it's because it worked on you. It got a reaction DURING the relationship.

Just something to think about. Hoovering is not flattering. But, this might help you understand his/her 'methods' of hoovering, and how they closely mirror what you went through during the relationship.

So, staying NC flips the script. And stops the madness. Stops the status quo of what you always did, how you always reacted. And eventually, he will go mess with someone else.

Just thought I'd share. What are your thoughts to this?

May 23 - 9AM
Deidre99
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Just an observation...

May 23 - 11AM (Reply to #43)
Wallace
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Deirdre99

May 23 - 7AM
onwithmylife
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mine

May 23 - 2PM (Reply to #38)
deadenddreamer
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onwithmylife

May 24 - 7AM (Reply to #41)
beautifulmess
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Same here dead end dreamer!

May 23 - 3PM (Reply to #40)
onwithmylife
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deadenddreamer

May 23 - 2PM (Reply to #39)
Deidre99
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argh...my ex said RELAX.

May 23 - 5AM
lavendar19
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I second (and third and

May 23 - 3AM
eyeswideopen35
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Deidre99, I love your post

May 23 - 9AM (Reply to #35)
Deidre99
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I mentioned something in this

May 23 - 5AM (Reply to #34)
lavendar19
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My exN was silent for 4

May 22 - 6PM
BtrflyGrl
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ST

May 22 - 6PM
neverlookback
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I think

May 22 - 6PM
neverlookback
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I guess but

May 22 - 6PM
Deidre99
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And regarding the new

May 22 - 6PM
TruthbeginsToday
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This seems to be true

May 22 - 7PM (Reply to #25)
RustyGal
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TruthbeignsToday-for what it

May 23 - 12AM (Reply to #26)
tootsgee
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The ex did this... he had no

May 23 - 7AM (Reply to #27)
beautifulmess
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My exN had no personal items

May 23 - 9AM (Reply to #28)
Deidre99
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what a deep guy <>they don't

May 22 - 4PM
mystwoman
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This a very insightful

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

May 22 - 6PM (Reply to #23)
Deidre99
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ha! i looove it! good for

May 22 - 4PM (Reply to #21)
lessonlearned
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good for you!

May 22 - 4PM (Reply to #22)
mystwoman
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Good for you! Great

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

May 22 - 4PM
Canada
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Wow!

May 22 - 2PM
sweetpeasarah
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I agree

May 22 - 2PM (Reply to #18)
Deidre99
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thank you, you are sweet.

May 22 - 1PM
Lucky Escape
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You are on a roll lady!!

May 22 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
red
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I was only with my N for 18

May 23 - 4AM (Reply to #16)
eyeswideopen35
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OMG red my exNh said pretty