How you will be treated after the breakup, is often about what 'got' to you during the relationship

I didn't want the title of this thread to be that long. lol

But, I didn't know how to shorten that up, and have it make sense. :)

I started thinking about lately, about why some on here are never hoovered (given ST) and why some are.

Here's my take. I think if you look back through the relationship, what was his/her main method of abuse? Narcs are into establishing control early on. The honeymoon stage is even a controlling phase, actually. He/she is saying I love you quickly, and often, to lure you in to allowing him/her to control you.

Once control has been established...the narc starts exhibiting signs of abuse. Some use the silent treatment to get his/her own way. Some manipulate, with things like...''if you loved me, you wouldn't have questioned me.''

On and on the list goes.

If you think back to how YOU were mainly abused, (there's usually a pattern, and sometimes a blend of things used)...you will probably understand how you are being treated now, after the breakup. If you always reacted to the silent treatment, by begging and pleading...that will be the tactic he/she uses on you after the breakup. If you always reacted to manipulation, that's how you will be treated after the breakup. And so on.

I always reacted to him saying negative things about me. I would be like...'why are you saying this about me?' Ugh, I remember these chats like they happened yesterday. He would then rant, and hang up on me.

Guess how he treated me after the breakup? He went on a smear campaign to our friends, and I would break NC...text and say???? Everyone??? haha ''why are you saying these things about me?''

He would rant and hang up on me.

So...if you are wondering why your ex can seem so cold, and is using the silent treatment, it's because it worked on you. It got a reaction DURING the relationship.

Just something to think about. Hoovering is not flattering. But, this might help you understand his/her 'methods' of hoovering, and how they closely mirror what you went through during the relationship.

So, staying NC flips the script. And stops the madness. Stops the status quo of what you always did, how you always reacted. And eventually, he will go mess with someone else.

Just thought I'd share. What are your thoughts to this?