Why do we fall for the act?
Why do we fall for the act?
What I want to get into is why do we fall for the act?
I know there is talk abotu red flags and alarm bells which I can see now.
Barbera also mentined the chemical thing that they use, oxytocin and others.. to pull you into there mind set..
(I recently presented a study on oxytocin to my breastfeeding group, its very intersting to think that evil people who must have been starved of oxytocin and love hormones at birth and beyond, that they know how to tap into that for evil means... thats mad right??... I guess they crave it, being starved off it and then they know early relationships, dating and first sex is how they can get it.. and get the person high too) BUT Why do they not want to feel loved and give love???
Anyway. I just am baffled that I didn't see it here this time..
I saw it before because my relationships that went wrong and wrong quickly were always with men who lacked compassion and empathy.. I knew it nearly from the outset though. I could see it, feel it and almost trip over it with those guys...they just didn't have the capacity for intimacy and were often outwardly aggressive.. It was no surprise...
SO imagine how shocked I feel that I got tricked into thinking Narc husband was someone real and open?!!!???
I set out to find myself a fully feeling intimate kind and loving man..
(Probably should have set out to find the relationship with myself first, I see that now)
And then I met my husband... My Narc husband used every word, compliment.. One morning he woke up next to me in bed and said 'Vix, you are exquisitely beautiful" OMG I fell for it too.. he said all the right things at the right time and touched me in all the right ways.. He seemed intimate and soft. He was gentle, (sexually too to begin with) he listened to everything I said, lsitened to my poetry, he hung on my words and almost read my mind. He laughed at my jokes and told me he thought my job and other key stuff about me was great..
I thought at last. this is the one... he is real and open and honest... yeay... I was so smitten.. I let him do what he wanted and slowly followed into a pit of abuse..
What I dont get is.. How can they do this and then switch it off. I saw and knew first hand, what narc men who were NOT capable of intimacy and being real were like and it ended pretty quick.. BUT If they are not capable of intimacy, which we know true NARCS are not, then how come some of them can 'act' intimate, 'pretend' to be close and personal and show you affection etc.. how come some NARCS can be that..
That is devient manipulation to the max isnt it???
Its when you start to see how they use the infoamtion they have gleaned out of your long intimate chats to use on you and to hurt. When they know your deepest fear and insecurities and they use that knowledge to shame you and ridicule you..
Then it gets sacry right??
But why do we not see through it. I saw through others more quickly and move on pretty quick too. Guess they just werent his calibre..
I have tried to be intimate like we use to be on occasions and what happned is its always about sex..
I tried to get him to listen to me once like he used to but he barked at me to stop banging on about my problems and insecuruies. He said "Well I have heard it before" you dont need to re-hash that stuff"
I tried to touch his face once and he flinched and pulled away..
I guess I jst dont get how you can switch it on and off when you feel like it.
If they hate it that much, they do a good job of hiding that dont they at the beggining.
Its just somethign that I thought was well odd...
In the past week or so i
Vix
It is odd, isn't it? and
Vix
SAme story..
omg!!
smileyfacepr
vix
enoughalready
girlfriday
Nevergoback
they tell you who they are
enoughalready
_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
Armchair psychoanalyst
for sure.. You are right..
The predators seeking their prey
your story is so dark
Out of the darkness... into the light