Dumped for the 4th (Continued...)
Dumped for the 4th (Continued...)
Ok, so I'm not exactly proud of what I'm about to say, but it is what it is. When my N got home from his weekend Vegas getaway, I hopped right in my car and drove to his house. He hadn't slept in almost 2 days, so he was a dud to say the least. He was too tired to get off the sofa, so I went and got us dinner. I woke him up in time for us to go see fireworks, and then we went straight to bed.
Monday, we got up and watched Good Will Hunting. During all the scenes that involved Matt Damon fighting it out with his psychologist or his love interest, my N had tears rolling down his face. I thought that was interesting. Anyways, so then we headed out to have lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant. I was asking him questions about his trip, how it went, etc., and he told me that he is going to start going there more often... possibly once a month. Now, mind you, he already goes to Shreveport, LA once a month to gamble. I'm not a gambler, and I really would prefer that he not gamble, but I understand it's something he enjoys doing. I just think it's more of a compulsive-addictive thing for him, which is what worries me. Anyways, after saying "So... you're going to be leaving for gambling trips "twice" a month now?," he got defensive, and said (rather loudly)... "Hey, I like gambling just as much as you like McDonald's." I just sat there with my jaw dropped. Then he says (remember my weight post? this is a touchy subject with me)... "I mean, what are you going to do? Get as big as a house?" "And, I have a big problem with you... when I ask you to step on the scale and you refuse... that pisses me off. If you want to be with ME, you need to understand that when I ask to weigh you, you better get on that scale. I need to know if you're maintaining or growing at exponential speed." At that moment, the waiter brought our order to the table. Perfect timing. There was no way in hell I was going to eat after those comments. So my N goes, "are you going to eat or just sit there?" When I told him I didn't want to eat, he called for our check and we walked out.
Now here's the part I AM proud of... On the way home, we didn't speak. When we got to his house, he plopped down on the couch and I marched straight to the bedroom to get my overnight bags. When I walked in the living room he said, "what are you doing?" I said, "I can't take this anymore... I can't do it. I'm leaving." After I got all my stuff in my car, I walked back in and proceeded to tell him for 30 minutes exactly what I thought about all the shit he's done to me. He actually looked a little stunned. We argued for a bit, and then he got up to hug me. When I started to walk out the door, I said, "your key and garage remote are on the kitchen counter." He gazed over there and again, had a stunned look on his face. I got in my car and drove away. That was that.
When I got home, I freaked out. I thought, "Oh my God, WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I can't go back! What if I want to go back?!" All these crazy thoughts were running through my head and I think I pretty much had a panic attack. I couldn't breathe. This morning, I just feel sick to my stomach. Why do I feel so badly about this? I know I did the right thing. But part of me just wants to call him and apologize and try to work things out. But I know that's crazy talk. I just can't stop the thoughts!!!!
Your comments would be GREATLY appreciated... I feel lost :(
The Letter...
Here It Is...
Great letter!
This letter is awesome!!
http://bink-think.livejournal.com
Freakin awesome, Rhiannon!!
Rhiannon
Excellent!
I didn't cry writing this...
I'm so proud of you!!
Thanks, Ninja :) I won't
Wow! I am so proud of you!
_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
Rhiannon
Awesome
I just wana say! He sounds
Getting Nervous...
Ok
Thanks for your response,
Yes the weight thing
_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
WEIGHT
Perfect
Awesome!
OK, good
rhiannon
Rhiannon please please do
When i am reading what you
Stay strong! You did the right thing...
The step you took was long
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
I sent what you wrote to my best friend
It does make me feel better,
rhiannon "youd think i would