Triggered last night

These gals aren't particularly empathetic. Instead of listening to you and at least "entertaining" what you say, they toss you off. They may be friends but they aren't the most supportive ones a person could have. With friends like this, who needs Narcs? While it is TRUE that "outsiders" can't have the empathy for each other we all have, they don't have to be jerks about it, either. That's an important distinction, I think.

Something that is important to think about when having contact with the "outsiders" (i have to refer to them as such), It really is not their fault directly for being unsupportive of us. Because of the lack of awareness of Narcissism and the impact and damage it has on its victims, they are just clueless. This is the very reason we are here today. This is the reason that Lisa has devoted her life to building this awareness so the victim can have a voice that will not only be heard but also validate. This is why i have joined in helping as well. I was forced to suffer in silence. My family and friends didnt understand my condition. They did not understand the spell and the brainwashing and the obsessive thoughts. They could never understand it. You can not understand this unless you have lived it. I had to come to terms with this so i could understand them. It took some time and i have work out anger issues with a lot of them. I still have one cousin i am very angry at that i am working things out with today. WE are here. WE understand. WE have lived it... Your in the right place.. xoxoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Sometimes there is another side to this when it comes to friends. I was one of the sort of people that was always there to support anyone at anytime. I was always dependable. When it came my turn to fall, some people looked at me in confusion and had absolutely no idea how to deal with me. There was always two or three people that got it, and as it turned out, that was enough. Sometimes people cannot stand to see the stronger ones fall. It shakes their own foundations. Just a different perspective on how friends can react.

Thanks for posting this. I lost a lot of "friends" after my last breakup - but a lot of that was my decision. I just received validation from my therapist a few weeks ago. She said that when you are going through a life change, sometimes, it is necessary to distance yourself from people who are holding you back. You have been through an experience they cannot relate to - or if they can, they may have their own coping mechanisms keeping them from realizing all the things you have learned. They may even resent you for bringing it up and their nastiness is really them being defensive. You are strong and it is completely normal for them to have made you feel weak at that moment, reinforcing your feelings of shame. I go through moments all the time where I start to feel like I'm the one at fault - - It's not my fault - it was never my fault - - - it was never your fault. Please remember this. You did not deserve that treatment and your emotions are completely normal. I let go of a lot of friends this year. I have recognized that not only were N's guys I have dated, but I had a quite a few friends who were users and manipulators as well. It's been very lonely for me needless to say. It sucks. However, I am not about to give up. There are good people in this world. I have friends I have made through this experience who I KNOW are good genuine people because I can tell the difference. I am also more in control of myself and how I react to different situations because of acceptance. I don't believe N's to be "bad" people anymore. I think they are misunderstood. (Sociopaths - - EVIL - they are completely bad . . .) I don't know to this day if my last breakup was with a sociopath or an N. I believe he was an N. It's possible that my ex made a concerted effort to hurt me the way he did, in which case I would believe he was a sociopath, but I will never really know. It's also possible that he really was enjoying all the time we were together and that when he realized he was forming an attachment, he really did just freak out and D&D me. I don't think my parents have a clue the damage they have done to me and to my brothers. I don't think they get it. They are all overgrown little 5 year old's. I just got off the phone with my mom an hour ago. I had to try to educate her about boundaries because her neighbor just had a baby and my mom thinks she is entitled to just invite herself whenever she want to see the new baby. She completely D&D'd her neighbor to me on the phone when I asked her to think about how her neighbor might be feeling at the moment. I swear . . . One day man . .. One day . . . I am writing a book about being raised by narcissists.

Hi Strong, I have received a similar message from certain friends and it is tough to take in especially if we do not feel on top of our game on a particular day. Which I have not the past week. I have had NC for 2.5 months aside from seeing him in court that one day which was brutal and there was this one friend oh man oh man, talk about pushing my buttons. She is the one who knows everything. Now mind you this is the first guy in my life who ever went to jail over something he did to me, however, I am very familar with the penal system. Work and volunteer related ect... Anyway she starts off with how her prison bf sent her better gifts than did my N/P. I was not even answering his letters at that point as I was NC. She is boasting that he was a great artist and she knew just how I felt. Come to find out she never even met this guy and she was comparing a prison pen pal to an actual bf situation. I ignored all this. Well the next time I see her, she starts egging me on about how all men in prison have prison bf's. I'm like no, not all of them do, some of them do. I had a family member in there and he did not have a prison bf. She say's yes he did and so does your N/P. I said look, just because you had a prison pen pal does not make you the authority on male sexual habit in prison. She smirked at me and I was so pissed I told her to f off and told her that I was terminating our friendship at that moment. Had this all happened when I was not having a bad week I may not have reacted so strongly. Don't know. I have enough on my plate right now just recovering from this thing without the added stress of now having to picture all the guys in prison going at it. Not where I choose to go right now. Just another example of how insensitive people can be. Back to you, I have been told by everyone my entire life how bloody strong I am and this is your name. Wondering if that has been your role as well? It is totally understandable that you would be "emotional God forbid)" when you are not getting your needs met. I wish we all lived closer and could go out together and have some fun and put these asses behind us. The truth of the matter is, we don't always have to be so strong for everyone else. I think us strong girls ought to take this time to heal, take care of our own selves for a change, and allow our true beautiful woman persona's a chance to come out or reconnect with them. Find out what we like to do what is important to us and let the other's fend for themselves for awhile. What do you think? You are in my thoughts and prayers. This healing process is not easy but from what others say well worth the effort. God bless, Goldie

I have a very very dear friend who's husband is one of my ex Ns best friend..The N & I actually were their best man and maid of honor in their wedding last year. I know everyone says to give up all contact w/anyone associated w/him but I can't do that w/her. We have had an amazing friendship for soo many years I can't imagine her not being in my life. she has been sooo supportive of me and has told me I sound better than I have in years and that I deserve soo much better than him. He makes her sick to her stomach too. Here's the hard part for me. Her husband stays out of everyones business and doesn't judge anyone. He has said I will always be welcome at their home & if the N doesn't like it tough shit! BUT she doesn't have much of a backbone and to keep peace w/her husband stays uninvolved..except when her & I talk. Her husband is the kind of man who does what he pleases & F everyone else...including her. So I feel she needs me there for her too. The XN is in their life and yes I do talk to her about what he's done and I know she doesn't judge me. But I also feel like she thinks I should just move on cuz she knows he's such a loser. I have a couple other friends who also know him & have been a great support system for me cuz they saw what he was loong before I did. And I have those other friends & family who can't understand why it's been soo hard to let go at times. You know what I tell them. Look up narcissist. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship(and then I worry they'll judge me for that) but fact was we were. I know I've rambled...sorry. But this website has helped me sooo much! It is helping me be stronger every day. And bringing back the belief in myself....no matter what anyone else may think. Unless they've been thru it they have NO idea. We are all friends here w/no judgement!

Glad you shared... Going through a breakup like this affects so many parts of your life, including friendships. When you go through a trauma, or you go through a crisis, your friends really show their true colors... some will surprise you in amazingly great ways, while others will disappoint you. When I went through my nasty break-up with the ExN, I realized that some of my friend were truly toxic for me. My best friends and would-have-been maid of honor didn't know how to be there for me. I would call her in tears and she wouldn't answer the phone because she was low on cell phone minutes. I realized not only did I make bad choices in men, I was also making bad choices in friends. It was time to clean house. I have developed some really healthy friendships and the contrast is so striking. On the flip side, you will have friends that just don't get it because they have never been through anything quite so painful. My friend went through a breakup with a narc, and I felt no empathy for her at all. Oh, you broke up? Dude, that sucks! I later apologized to her for being such a bad friend, but at the time I truly did not understand. So, it sounds like either these are not great friends... or maybe they just don't know how to be there for you. I dunno. Find the ones you can talk to and cherish them. That's what's so great about having this Forum. There are people on this site that DO understand. Me and My ExN broke up over 2 years ago, and I still cry... I still feel pain. I'm done letting someone else decide if that's normal. You are not alone!! :)

It's tough when your friends can't understand the twisted situation you were in, I've had the same thing. As you change and grow and stop tolerating crap, you may find that you upset the balance with some friends too. The ones who liked the quiet, she-doesn't-make-waves you. The new you who asserts herself and speaks up on her own behalf may not work with them, and if so that's fine. You need friends who've got your back and love you for all you are. Some friendships will survive, others won't...the ones that do will be all the more precious.