Charity Starts at Home

39 posts / 0 new

#1 Mar 12 - 9AM

Hunter

Charity Starts at Home

Hello Everyone,

Ok, Im sick of hearing about these disturbed creatures and how they have abused us. We have established what and who they are, PDI!

They have all caused each and everyone of us PSTD. Awesome!

We keep stressing on re direction. I'd like to know what each of you are doing to move forward? Sitting and staring at the walls obsessing just isn't helpful.

Ill start, Today I went and worked out,got my nails done and took my Babies for a nice walk in the fresh air, I have been NC for I guess 7 months. I stopped counting. I still think about him, but I think more of who i am and what I can do for myself.

I have been focusing on my job and that seems to be moving in a positive direction as well.

As you all know I am married and I have learned what a wonderful husband I have and I realize that he isn't always staring in the mirror. He does normal guy things and tells me Im pretty. I also realized I screwed up and Im working on loving him as I should.

That's my Ideal healing plan, how about all of you?

Idealk

#2 Mar 22 - 7PM

ifinallygotit

good things

I took up an old sport that brings me great pleasure and requires full mental focus (no Narc thoughts or you could get injured). I did this during my lunch today and i am working on doubling a summer scholarship program for low income kids. But wish I had my nails done like some of you! My new (old) sport wrecks my nail polish!

#3 Mar 22 - 6PM

Hunter

Everyone

Gets you head out of Narcs ass and do something for yourself. Im moving this up. There are a lot of Newbies and I hate hearing Narc did this Narc Did that. I like hearing progress, and what you all do for you. Today I went to work, I went to Pilates and then tanning. Trying to lose the Narc Pounds. Rock On! Idealk

#4 Mar 14 - 5AM

mystwoman

I'm working out at a local

I'm working out at a local studio with a trainer twice a week to help with health problems, and I walk my dogs after work/weekends as much as I possibly can. In addition, I've started drawing again, I read a lot, and I've been visiting my elderly parents more often that I did when I was with xnh (he always made life so chaotic that it was hard to go visit with them). At the end of this month, I'm planning a trip with my sister to go out of state to see my nephew's new baby, and really looking forward to it. After I get back from the trip, I have tickets to go to a Shakespeare play with a bunch of friends at a local theater. It's refreshing to me to be doing things that I've always enjoyed, but xnh always seemed to make impossible with his constant chaos and drama. Now I'm enjoying the activities that *I* choose again...not him. :)

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#5 Mar 14 - 5AM (Reply to #36)

Hunter

Mystwoman

It's amazing how we allowed them to control us! Rock On! For all at the beginning stages of NC, stay the Course, Happy Times are coming! Idealk

#6 Mar 13 - 5PM

gettinbetter

Well since you asked....

I went to Tiffany's and bought myself a fabulous necklace,got a cute shirt from bebe and got my nails done.

#7 Mar 14 - 8AM (Reply to #33)

nancyh

SOI

Ha! This sounds exactly like something I would do. Good for you! Nan

Nan

#8 Mar 14 - 1PM (Reply to #34)

gettinbetter

Nan

Well I dont shop at tiffanys everyday or anything like that but it felt good! I highly recommend it!

#9 Mar 13 - 5PM (Reply to #28)

Hunter

SOI

Now we're Talking!!! Nice job! Its all about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Idealk

#10 Mar 13 - 5PM (Reply to #29)

gettinbetter

well I must also say

Im personally finding it disturbing that you are now focusing on your job! I mean really who will I text with all day long! LOL!

#11 Mar 13 - 5PM (Reply to #30)

Hunter

LOL!!!

#12 Mar 13 - 5PM (Reply to #31)

gettinbetter

OMG! Im getting Narcier by

OMG! Im getting Narcier by the second. I mean really I feel that you are there to respond to my every text!

#13 Mar 13 - 5PM (Reply to #32)

Hunter

SOI

And I will continue to do so! OXOXOX ME

#14 Mar 13 - 3AM

justicejones

Ideal

The N used to take up about 99 percent of my head...now maybe only three percent...mainly when I get on these boards to read and discuss and educate myself on Narcs. What I do for redirection is focus on my relationship with my children and the most absolutely wonderful man that could ever exist. We have been together for three years, about one and a half years after the N left. He has stuck by my side through all my obsessing and healing. I honestly don't know what he saw in me, with obviously most of my focus not being on him, but the ex husband N. Now I realize what I have with him, and am loving him like he deserves. I am so grateful with what God has given me, as well as a second chance at happiness. I also find just being grateful and thankful for everything and anything, changes my perspective. I can even say that I am thankful for what I what I have learned from being in a relationship with a disordered personality individual. I am wiser now. I wish that I didn't have to gain my wisdom in such a harsh way, but that is what it took.

#15 Mar 13 - 4PM (Reply to #26)

Hunter

JJ

This is great New! Stay Happy you deserve it. Its Ideal

#16 Mar 13 - 4AM (Reply to #24)

onwithmylife

Justice Jones

I am so happy for you to have found a decent and wonderful man, am curious to know how you met him? I have been 2 years out and so many of the men I have met on internet dating sites have been terrible, it is so discouraging as i would love to have one more good healthy relationship in my life, I have very little family left and am older and tired of struggling by myself.I also do things i like to do but have still to meet someone and have not been looking, as they say. Ah well just trying to live my life.Maybe I will catch the bouquet someday!

#17 Mar 14 - 1PM (Reply to #25)

justicejones

On With My Life...

I actually met the new guy through my sister. It had been a year and a half since the ex husband D&D'd us and I was still zombie-ing around the house like a hermit. My sister told me to come over to her house and to dress decent and put on some makeup. When I got there, she told me that she had someone for me to meet at her neighbors house. I was like, "NO WAY!" She pulled me over there to the neighbors. When I met him...I was totally not attracted to him. This is because he was totally 100% the opposite of my ex husband Narc. At that time I didn't know anything about Narcissism. My ex was still my "model man"...attractive, charming, etc. I wanted someone like him to replace him. Sick, right? This new guy was a nerd. He was quiet and wore glasses. My sister gave him my number. He was too shy to call for about a month. Then he invited me to a ballet. I accepted just cause I thought it would be good for me. He paid for everything and was really sweet. I still had no feelings for him. We kept doing things together. Eventually I saw his inner beauty and it radiated to his outer appearance too. He loves me and my children. He wants to adopt them. What he can't understand is how long it took me to get over my ex husband Narc. If you haven't been in the situation, you can't understand. He doesn't understand why I would stay in a relationship where I was mistreated so badly. I try to explain, but to no avail. He has been very patient and has just come to accept it about me. I am very blessed to have found someone. Now it's his turn to get the full attention he deserves from me.

#18 Mar 12 - 9PM

ImStrong

I have been focusing on my

I have been focusing on my diet and determine to shed these winter pounds for the summer..im out of my depression so theres no more excuses!

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

#19 Mar 13 - 4PM (Reply to #22)

Hunter

Im Strong

Im working on that too! Good Luck! Its so easy to put in on, and hell getting rid of it. (I'm speaking of the Weight). However getting rid of the Narc is equally as difficult. Idealk

#20 Mar 12 - 2PM

Steph

Great post!

Prior to breaking NC, I started doing things for myself that I always wanted to do. I started a dance class, and started volunteering at an animal shelter. Since breaking NC, I am still doing those same things for myself:) And now I have started going to gym more too and have started cooking - something I never thought I'd enjoy so much.

#21 Mar 13 - 4PM (Reply to #20)

Hunter

SS79

Work that body!! Its Ideal!

#22 Mar 12 - 1PM

fooled no longer

I put myself first every day

I put myself first every day now, I dont feel guilty to ask for what I need.

#23 Mar 12 - 1PM (Reply to #18)

Hunter

FNL

WAHOOOOOOOOO!

#24 Mar 12 - 11AM

Trulybroken

LOL! Hilarious!

#25 Mar 12 - 12PM (Reply to #16)

Happy1

Trulybroken

That's good too! Laughter is a form of healing

#26 Mar 12 - 10AM

WiserNow30

I've been NC for 8 days. I

I've been NC for 8 days. I ended our engagement 11 days ago. I've been spending time with my family, working out, cleaning, staying close to the messageboard, reading my Bible, going to church and praying for God to heal me and take away the pain and obsessive thoughts.

#27 Mar 12 - 10AM (Reply to #14)

Hunter

Wiser

stay the course, You are at an early stage, It will be a real rollercoaster ride.Be Strong. Think to the future, a Narc free future, Idealk

#28 Mar 12 - 9AM

Bitter-sweet

Moving forward

I have been NC for 14 months. I still struggle with the urge to contact him but I've taken action. I threw myself into my work, did an intensive coure and managed the top grade! My work involves helping other people and I try to focus on that and the times when someone tells me how much better they feel. Also, I keep a dream diary as I still can't escape some of the trauma- but recording what I dream about seems to be helping me stay in control. I'm determined to win through with some dignity.

#29 Mar 12 - 9AM (Reply to #12)

Hunter

Bitter Sweet

A dream diary, I like that. Make your dreams a reality. I does feel good helping others, It makes you realize our lives are not that bad. Idealk

#30 Mar 12 - 9AM

sara-smile

Idealk

I went to a spa party last night and was more relaxed than I've been in years! Today I went running and got in the tanning bed to knock some of this pasty white off of me! I want to be healthy again! The horrible truth is the last week I did everything completely backwards and have been totally self destructive. You just wouldn't believe it. I finally made an appointment with a therapist. I've been in denial about that for awhile but I have an appt Tuesday. Maybe he'll lock me up and medicate me for awhile! Heeeeeeeeee! It would be a vacation!

#31 Mar 12 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

JRB123

Good luck with therapy

Hi there, I think we are in similar situations, both being married and both have a similar NC period (6-7 months). I just emailed a counsellor last week and might take up her offer of a session. I've never done it before so am a little nervous. Would love to know how you get on and wishing you kind thoughts that it goes well and helps you.

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