Cognitive Dissonance

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Steph
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Cognitive Dissonance

K. So I think I have a pretty good understanding of WHAT CD is and WHY we get it with pathological relationships.....but how do you cope with it? What type of therapy helps the obsessive thoughts. Although I don't cry as often and I am able to go out more now and be at work.....I still constantly replay details of the relationship in my mind....fluctuating b/w he's really bad because he's done/said mean things to maybe he's not that bad because he's done nice things too.
This constant battle ( that I logically know is pointless ) is keeping me stuck.
I see Sandra Brown has a book and CD's for intrusive thoughts and how to control them and be mindful. Has anyone used these and found them helpful? Any other advice?

Barbara (not verified)
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useful
Brown's CD was intensly useful for me - others have also gone to her retreats. Her books help a great deal too - keep you honest and reality based. Cognitive Behavioral therapy too - but remember IT TAKES AT LEAST 18 MONTHS FOR THE DEPROGRAMMING I wish there was a quicker way - there isn't. My suggestion, if you need medication short term - use it. The price your body pays otherwise is too high, IMHO ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
betty2020
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Just wondering why it takes
Just wondering why it takes at least 18 months? Not trying to rush it along. Just wondered why? Is there a blog on this and what to expect in the next 18 months? Thanks Barbara...

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Barbara (not verified)
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betty20
this is something I learned from my therapist, Sandra Brown, MA and two very good psychiatrists I am friends with where I live... ...the time period was taken from psychiatrists, psychologists & counselors who work with cult followers after leaving a cult (could be a month in or 10 years in - turns out it all the same). That the standard time for the deprogramming to really start easing up was 18 months. Could be less, could be more. Expect to rollercoaster a lot. This is why having a trauma counselor on board for you is crucial. There are some wonderful articles online and books by Margaret Singer, PhD on cults. Dr. Singer's work as a researcher, educator and clinical psychologist laid the foundation for specifically understanding cult mind control. Being with a pathological is no different from being in a cult. Same techniques are used. ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
betty2020
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Thank you Barbara, I will
Thank you Barbara, I will certainly check out these source for more information and research the subject. And yes this is definitely a roller coaster ride from hell. I will be very glad to be deprogrammed

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Steph
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Thanks Barbara. I will order
Thanks Barbara. I will order that CD. I am on antidepressants - since january - and they definately helped. I guess i'm only a third of the way into healing so i will keep going on and be patient:)
Qing Yuan
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This resonates with me
"fluctuating b/w he's really bad because he's done/said mean things to maybe he's not that bad because he's done nice things too. This constant battle ( that I logically know is pointless ) is keeping me stuck." I just called my N tonight to check what time he would bring back out son. He is speakily quietly because out son is in the background asleep. I wan to cry my eyes out till they bleed out of my sockets becasue I never thought I would end up in this situation. On the phone I catch myself thinking he sounds nice and calm and gentle. He sounds kind and mellow and he is being polite like you wish he was all the time.... Its the usual jeckle and hyde sh8t tho. I am strating to learn it, albeit, slowly and painfully.. I wonder if we can really think we are in love with these freaks. I mean I really fell for something about him!!! I am not sure what these days but there is some part of him that I still crave. I know its not bloody real and that the person, the part, I love, is fake, hoodwinking character that he made up especially to make me fall for him, but it never helps to knwoe the logics of it.. Tell mu heart to be logical! I know what its like to have bouncing thoughts, twoing and throwing about a in limbo land in your mind. I feel that pretty much all the time. Its crazy making.. x
Barbara (not verified)
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Vix
http://www.lisaescott.com/2010/03/11/can-you-love-narcissist ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller