forgiveness

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Oct 17 - 7PM (Reply to #20)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

michelle

is my forgiving him supply? i swear, i really am trying to just 'let go'. i hoped it would just bring some peace for myself, and maybe i could show him by example how to be kind and decent. ok, pipe dream? but i swear, i'm not looking for validation this time AT ALL. i'm also not trying to give him supply. i never thought that would give him any, since i'm in essence saying 'i release you'... that's how i meant it anyway.
Oct 17 - 8PM (Reply to #21)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Of course you should release him

In your mind...AND that will take time. To utter words of forgiveness that haven't been truly owned yet is just uttering words. You don't need to think about forgiveness HEAL...the releasing of him will happen no need to orchestrate it - let time take it's course... He needs to be out of your life completely before that can happen. You still have a way to go as we all do.
Oct 17 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Well, you SHOULD avoid

Well, you SHOULD avoid getting within arms reach of that little fellow until he's mature enough to BE sorry :D My grandson has discovered the amazing world of BITING. He is twenty months old. He thoroughly enjoys biting people, and seems fascinated that he can make an adult yell in pain. I can just see his little cogs turning. "I can make a big giant person like my Gramma jump and make lots of noise! WOWWW I am SO POWERFUL!!" :D Narcs never outgrow this.
Oct 17 - 3PM (Reply to #11)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

thats something...

hmmmmm. not very cute at all. LOL but should i be angry at him?
Oct 18 - 3AM (Reply to #17)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Are you?? LOL :D I just feel

Are you?? LOL :D I just feel angry, or sad or horny or bored. I don't get to choose how I SHOULD feel, I just do feel :D If kids weren't so physically cute the human race would have died out sixty thousand years ago. That is their only redeeming grace at certain developmental periods. Cuteness. You can feel really angry at that little brat if you want to :) It won't make you a bad person. What would make you a bad person is if you hit him back, or called him mean names or locked him in a closet for hitting you. One thing that really hit home this time around is that I am a valuable individual no matter what I FEEL. I can't control my feelings, they are spontaneous phenomena. They come out of my limbic brain and just happen. My value as a person is very much dependent upon how I BEHAVE myself, though. Adults separate their feelings and their behavior. They don't allow a feeling to dictate their behavior all the time, just sometimes, and with discernment.
Oct 18 - 5AM (Reply to #18)
darkspark
darkspark's picture

Wow

You nailed it Briseis. This concept should be printed on a flyer and be mandatory reading for every human being on the face of the earth.
Oct 18 - 3AM (Reply to #16)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Are you?? LOL :D I just feel

Are you?? LOL :D I just feel angry, or sad or horny or bored. I don't get to choose how I SHOULD feel, I just do feel :D If kids weren't so physically cute the human race would have died out sixty thousand years ago. That is their only redeeming grace at certain developmental periods. Cuteness. You can feel really angry at that little brat if you want to :) It won't make you a bad person. What would make you a bad person is if you hit him back, or called him mean names or locked him in a closet for hitting you. One thing that really hit home this time around is that I am a valuable individual no matter what I FEEL. I can't control my feelings, they are spontaneous phenomena. They come out of my limbic brain and just happen. My value as a person is very much dependent upon how I BEHAVE myself, though. Adults separate their feelings and their behavior. They don't allow a feeling to dictate their behavior all the time, just sometimes, and with discernment.
Oct 18 - 3AM (Reply to #15)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Are you?? LOL :D I just feel

Are you?? LOL :D I just feel angry, or sad or horny or bored. I don't get to choose how I SHOULD feel, I just do feel :D If kids weren't so physically cute the human race would have died out sixty thousand years ago. That is their only redeeming grace at certain developmental periods. Cuteness. You can feel really angry at that little brat if you want to :) It won't make you a bad person. What would make you a bad person is if you hit him back, or called him mean names or locked him in a closet for hitting you. One thing that really hit home this time around is that I am a valuable individual no matter what I FEEL. I can't control my feelings, they are spontaneous phenomena. They come out of my limbic brain and just happen. My value as a person is very much dependent upon how I BEHAVE myself, though. Adults separate their feelings and their behavior. They don't allow a feeling to dictate their behavior all the time, just sometimes, and with discernment.
Oct 18 - 3AM (Reply to #14)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Are you?? LOL :D I just feel

Are you?? LOL :D I just feel angry, or sad or horny or bored. I don't get to choose how I SHOULD feel, I just do feel :D If kids weren't so physically cute the human race would have died out sixty thousand years ago. That is their only redeeming grace at certain developmental periods. Cuteness. You can feel really angry at that little brat if you want to :) It won't make you a bad person. What would make you a bad person is if you hit him back, or called him mean names or locked him in a closet for hitting you. One thing that really hit home this time around is that I am a valuable individual no matter what I FEEL. I can't control my feelings, they are spontaneous phenomena. They come out of my limbic brain and just happen. My value as a person is very much dependent upon how I BEHAVE myself, though. Adults separate their feelings and their behavior. They don't allow a feeling to dictate their behavior all the time, just sometimes, and with discernment.
Oct 17 - 6PM (Reply to #12)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

You Should

Feel whatever you feel. All feelings good bad and ugly are normal, they are your feelings and not to be judged by others. It's about you now. If you're angry, feel it learn from it and heal. There are no rules or timetables It's a process - don't try to rush it.
Oct 18 - 3PM (Reply to #13)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

i really have to tell yall

i don't feel angry. i feel pitty. i feel a huge weight lifted off me.
Oct 17 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Used
Used's picture

5

but he is not 5 he is a grown man..just b/c they act like 5year olds, it doesnt mean they are 5... i dont know any 5 year olds, addicted to sex, women ,porn, drink ,drugs....they know excactly what they are doing...i have always believed this and always will.
Oct 17 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

rofl

that is a really good point! i would find it much harder to forgive my nephew is he looked at porn!!! LOL ok.... but seriously, what is the HARM in forgiving them? does it enable them somewhow?
Oct 17 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

It doesn't do a thing for

It doesn't do a thing for them. They don't notice that kind of stuff, except to exploit it. It does damage to you. It short circuits your healing process. You have not yet realized what he DID to you, Fierflie. No matter what you say, I can tell it hasn't hit you yet. The full on tragedy and outrage of what he did to you is yet to come. You would write different things on this forum if you really "got it". When you really get it, having open flame anywhere near you is gonna be tricky, you might want to warn your friends who smoke :D
Oct 17 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

but for months i had the

but for months i had the rage. i mean sickening rage that i took out on a voodoo doll remember the doll? lol!! he found it and gave it back to me!!! i was furious. its going to happen again???
Oct 17 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
Nothanx
Nothanx's picture

Peace

I don't think it matters if you forgive him or not. What you really seem to want is peace! I think in many ways indifference and truly not caring one way or the other is where the real peace lies! I think we all want to get to a place that we really don't care if they are forgiven or not...a place where we don't put thought into what it means to forgive...a place where we live our own life without putting thought into the narc or his miserable life! If you really feel forgiveness in your heart...then forgive, but don't ever forget! They will hurt again and again; they are like the scorpion, it is in their nature to sting!
Oct 17 - 6PM (Reply to #9)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Nothanx

Thank you!...exactly!