help emergency

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#1 May 13 - 9PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

help emergency

He texted me and invited me to a party tomorrow. He never invites me anywhere. Every time he does, the hopeful thing kicks in. I haven't seen his friends in a year because I started screaming at him in front of them. I think, if I go, we'll reconnect and it will be okay again. If I see his friends again, all the old stuff will be gone, all his weird compartmentalization about us. I haven't responded, and I'm dying. Help!

May 22 - 12AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Numb

His boss, the chief judge, granted him five minutes to call me today to arrange whatever practicals we needed to. He said, "How could you do this to me? Do you realize the position you put me in?" I said, "Hmm. Do you realize the position you put ME in? That I had to decide to press charges or not, knowing if I did my children and I would be humiliated in front of the entire city--and that if I didn't you might end up killing another woman or your foster child and it would be on my conscience?" He actually said nothing. I would like to think it was a revelation, but I know better. Just pretending to have a soul. Just pretending to give a crap. I could almost hear him thinking about something else while I was talking; could almost hear him wondering how much time he needed to give me to talk to satisfy me and make me think he cared. I went to work tonight and gave a great tour. I'm exhausted but I did a great job and it wasn't awful. It was me, and that helps. When I came home, he was just parking, too. 11pm, walking his five-year-old up to his house, obviously drunk. Obviously learned a lesson--NOT. Jesus.
May 23 - 9AM (Reply to #48)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

this all sounds familiar........

mine tried to MURDER me.....and i'm sure i wouldn't be alive if one of my neighbors hadn't heard my screams and called the police....who did not arrest HIM...but took me instead..... even after him trying to murder me.....all he had to say was how i had EMBARRASSED him!!...i had EMBARRASSED him by daring to scream for help while he was MURDERING ME!... they have ZERO conscience.....ZERO shame......not even entertain the thought that he cares about what he did to you....other than how it might affect HIM...and he's not even too worried about that, i promise you..... this one needs to got on the wishing them dead list......... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog
May 23 - 2PM (Reply to #50)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

I Don't Want Mine Dead

He always said he wanted to live to 125. And I want for him too. If . . . no band wants to have anything to do with him, no woman will put up with him, his kids and friends abandon him, and he is ALONE!!! Then I want him to live a long, miserable, lonely life.
May 23 - 10AM (Reply to #49)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

When mine went for me and

When mine went for me and brused me all up all he could say was "you know if i really wanted to hurt you i could " ... open mouth .... it was him kind of saying "i was only playing ".. twat ... Oh and guess what i got an email from him today about his meeting he is organising and he has changed his name when it comes through ... he is now calling him self "partisan" like he is this big hero in the french resistance or somthing ... what a utter penis ...See he is all for helping the great unwashed but when it comes to helping out his girlfriend the day i found out my mum was dieing he couldnt get me out of his house quick enough .. Knob .. Scoop x
May 22 - 1PM (Reply to #47)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

My heart goes out to you ,

My heart goes out to you , this guy should be shot . Scoop x
May 22 - 2AM (Reply to #44)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

helldweller

why would you be humiliated by filing charges on a violent predator? at least get a Restraining Order - NOW ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 22 - 10AM (Reply to #45)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Barbara

Yes, I got the order of protection--and sent him and his family photos of the bruises and other injuries. The morning after, he didn't even remember it had happened.
May 22 - 2PM (Reply to #46)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

selective amnesia

selective memory - classic pathology http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/06/09/strange-narcissistic-psychopathic-behaviors ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 17 - 7PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

God so miserable

The pain--physical and hearbreak--is really starting to settle in now. All the bruises, aches and pains: I am in so much pain. I turned in my book manuscript today and I just cried all over it before I sent it: no one to celebrate with, not that he would have cared. But we would have sat on my couch late tonight and drunk champagne and pretended to be a couple. Believe it or not, knowing I will never just sit quietly with him again a few times a week--the only relationship we had--is devastating. I have not spoken to him now in three days. Never so long before. He has been ordered by his supervisors to have no contact with me (ironic, huh?). He lives two doors down and I've watched him go down the street to the park with his foster child, watched them go out yesterday afternoon dressed up and come home at eleven, watched them go out together again tonight. I ache. I wonder, does he care? Does he miss me? Is he sorry? Does he love me? Or is he with his buddies, drinking and talking politics as usual, or with a new girl, cuddling on the couch while "our" son plays nearby? Why can't he even give a message to one of his brothers to tell me what's going through his head? Why do I want him to? Why am I crying?
May 16 - 10PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

even after a police report the plans to humiliate me

So after our brawl on the front lawn Friday night and his supervisors calling him in at the courthouse, I go to Mass this morning and I'm leading the singing up at the lectern. It's "Welcome Sunday" where we welcome all the new parishioners for the month. Guess whose name is announced? MY N! This was after three years of him never setting foot in a church, never coming to hear me sing, blowing off my concerns about having his foster child baptized. Two days ago we were "fine" and it turns out he registered to be a parishoner long before to get his child baptized and never told me. Everyone knew he was my boyfriend and they all looked at me like, 'Huh?' WTF? Like I wouldn't find out? Of course he wasn't there--the new parishoners are required to come to a designated Mass to be welcomed, and I'm sure after the brawl he blew it off. I'm sure he planned to just show up with his kid and probably his brother--his "family"--and laugh at me because he hoodwinked me again on my own turf. Turns out he didn't even mention to the priest that he and I were together. Said he had no family and didn't know anyone at the church. Did he think he was going to pick up women at church or something? Do they think that their bizarro imaginary world goes with them everywhere? I SING for all the baptisms! He would have had his child baptized without telling me and I would be up at the lectern, horrified, stupified, mortified, in shock, having to lead the singing and see his "family" and "friends" out there!
May 16 - 11PM (Reply to #41)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Yep, they will stalk you,

Yep, they will stalk you, make friends with your friends and basically invest themselves in every aspect of your life. He would have taken great pleasure in your discomfort at church. My exes, ex moved everywhere that we moved, came into my house the night we moved, even though we didn't tell her where we moved. She had custody that night and MADE her daughter tell her where we lived. She showed up wherever she knew we would be...They will make your life a living HELL! That's why everybody here is suggesting that you move and change your number. They will NOT stop until they are invested in another relationship and often times, not even then. If I had had this site or truly knew what I was getting into with my situation, I would have left a LOT sooner. You can NEVER win with these people. They are indefatigable and relentless.
May 16 - 11PM (Reply to #40)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

helldweller

time for a talk with the priest & parishoners involved... tell them right out you have PTSD and they need to respect that you and he can't be in the same room or within 1000 feet of each other. be sure to include he's a violent stalker who has attacked you if they tell you to forgive him... if they tell you God will heal you both... TIME TO FIND A NEW CHURCH and NOT TELL ANYONE. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 16 - 2PM
Janet
Janet's picture

Good for you for being so

Good for you for being so strong. Good thoughts to you. Peace. J

Peace. J

May 16 - 12PM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Woohoo!!!

We are all sooo proud of you!!! It would have been easier to just let it go, like we all have done so many times before! It takes alot of guts but I think we've all had enough of these assholes! I know, I for one, will never do anything or any favors for my exN again... He'll get all that he deserves... No mercy!
May 16 - 1PM (Reply to #37)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

TextN

Thank you! It's only because of you guys that I new what a cookie cutter freak he is and how my helping is not gonna help
May 16 - 6AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Sorry but I love watching him scared

So, I'm bruised all over and can barely move or walk, I was up until five un Friday with the evidence technician photographing my body, for God's sake, I worked all day yesterday and had a hundred phone calls from my family yelling "I told you so" at me, but I feel great. The N's brother--who called me crazy for two years and ignored all of my calls and emails about the violent, wacko N--called me yesterday morning saying, "Hi, hon, how are you doing?" trying to get me to not press charges. Puh-lease. I told him I'd be better when his sociopathic brother was locked up and all of his girlfriends read about it on the front page. Then he said the N really wants to talk to me but isn't allowed to until the whole thing is over. Gosh. Sniff. Maybe he still loves me--NOT!
May 16 - 10AM (Reply to #33)
sanctuary
sanctuary's picture

helldweller...I read what

helldweller...I read what happened and this is my first chance to write. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's amazing what we find our selves going through because of their mind f--king games!! I once found myself standing in the driveway in a short little nightie at 3:00 am screaming at the N BF as he drove away after of course starting a fight. Wouldn't talk to me face to face. Then calls me a few minutes later gets mad at me and hangs up. I was so frustrated, mad, and hurt, I threw my phone against the wall until it shattered. My daughter was inside the house the whole time. I think she actually thankfully slept through it. The Psycho Judge should be scared. Hopefully they throw the book at him. Keep records of your own of everything!! Don't stop now. Journal his texts or calls, even that his brother called you....all of it. Take care of yourself too, and of course the girls. I can't remember if you mentioned it but I hope you're getting an order of protection too. Keep us updated on what's happening.
May 16 - 10PM (Reply to #35)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

sanctuary

Just wanted to tell you thank you and I'm so sorry you went through that. The shattered phone thing hit an old nerve. Three years of his god damned phone going off all hours of the day and night, dirty text messages from other women, etc etc. A few months ago I absolutely broke it off and started seeing another, really genuinely nice man. Then the N told me he had cancer and so I broke it off with the new guy because the N told me he couldn't go through the cancer with out me (the whole thing was made up, of course). Well the day after I broke it off, the N was over and a text came in on my phone from the new guy that said, "Missing you." He looked at my phone, which I didn't try to hide, and tears came to my N's eyes and he said, "I can't trust you. You don't love me." I was so sick of the phone bs I threw it in the fireplace. A $300 new phone, to prove to him how much I loved him. Of course, he still stormed out, with HIS filthy phone intact.
May 16 - 1PM (Reply to #34)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

sanctuary

I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank God your daughter slept through it, and thank God my babies were at Grandmas. Can't take away the neighbors, though: a number of them called the police as well, and the Judge is stuck in his two million dollar house on a crowded urban street with the watchers forever more.
May 15 - 3PM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Helldweller

What a jerk! Doesn't "The Judge" care what the town folks think of him? That bastard thinks he's above the law! I hope the girls didn't see it...That is something else how they act like nothing ever happened the very next day! Helldweller, do you have to stay in that town? I would put my house for sale & get as far away from that SOB as I could...
May 15 - 9AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

in shock

So I didn't go to the party with him last night and he showed up at my door afterwards. I shouldn't have talked to him--NC-- but was exhausted, on edge with a writing deadline, and stressed out from him, and I opened the door. He cried and apologized, said he couldn't live without me, blah blah blah. I didn't say anything, just stared at him. The entire time he was talking, about five minutes, his text alert kept going off. He must have gotten ten texts in that time. I started looking at his pocket where his phone was and finally I just grabbed for it, and he knocked me over. Long story short, we ended up in a knock-down, drag out brawl in front of my house. I'm so ashamed. I don't know what came over me. Just the years of that god damned phone ringing night after night, day after day, all night long, and him keep me away from it at all costs. The hours and days and weeks that were ruined and wasted because of that phone ringing and all those girls calling. I grabbed onto his shirt and would not let go. I was determined to see that stupid phone. He pushed me into the bushes, grabbed my hair and pushed my face into the ground, pushed me over the garden fencing, dragged me down the sidewalk. I ended up pulling off his shirt and he was still there--the upstanding judge--shirtless, holding his phone over his head, with me holding onto his belt groveling on the ground, dirt all over my feet and legs, scratches and bruises everywhere. Several neighbors came out and told him to go home, told me to come in. My poor upstairs neighbors--I looked at their faces, and they'd seen it so many times, and finally I just let go. He said, "No more chances for you!" and went into to his house next door. I debated long and hard and then called the police. What happened last night was totally my fault; though what he did to me was horrible I should not have done what I did. I filed a police report, and the cop told me, "He's a dirty SOB but this isn't going to fly in court." I said I knew it but just wanted a record of it. My body was such a wreck he sent an evidence technician to take pictures. Today, I can barely move. I am covered with bruises, scratches and welts. This morning, the N texted me, "Hi baby." Then "You broke my finger." Then "Can I see you tonight?" Un F*CKING BELIEVEABLE. I'm a mess and have to go to work in two hours. I can't even walk.
May 15 - 5PM (Reply to #30)
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

awful

This is awful, something similiar happened to me once and it does feel shocking. Hope that wipes any fantasy from your mind.
May 15 - 4PM (Reply to #29)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

helldweller

How are you feeling hon?? I feel so badly for you...please keep us posted....
May 15 - 10AM (Reply to #28)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

holy hell!

Girl, I am sooo sorry about this. What a F*CKING A-HOLE!!!!! No more contact, he's deranged and dangerous!!! NO, this is NOT your fault!!! You asked to be assaulted?? NOPE! I am so glad you called the cops. Don't listen to what the cop says, some of them are disordered themselves. You also have witnesses. Get their statements too if the cop already has not. Take you own pics of your bruises and scratches now before they start to fade. Get to the hospital for treatment, forget work...call in sick if you have to, you have been assaulted. Call the local shelter for advice as well. Get some legal counseling first thing Monday. I would prosecute this monster to the fullest extent. Again, I am so sorry you are in such pain, omg, I am so horrified by this. Now that you know he's capable of potentially killing you, it's time to protect yourself to the best of your ability. BLOCK HIM, NO MORE CONTACT!!! Keep that text too, it speaks volumes.
May 15 - 10AM (Reply to #26)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

OMG!!....

i can just see this happening.....the psychonarc tried to MURDER me....then just dismissed it...i'll never forget it...'what's the big deal?...you drove me to it!..why can't you just let bygones and bygones and MOVE FORWARD?'... ANYTHING they do to us.......EVERYTHING they do to us....is NO BIG DEAL....this is how they can commit crimes and pass lie detector tests....because it's NO BIG DEAL.... don't blame yourself......it's THEM that drive US to this type of thing....EVERYONE has a breaking point.....everyone HUMAN, that is..... this jerk needs to be added to the wishing them dead list..
May 15 - 1PM (Reply to #27)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Protect yourself!

They don't understand what it's like to be human. Give 'em a taste of their own medicine. As the Pope has said,"Forgiveness doesn't substitute for justice." Go for the justice, because forgiveness means NOTHING to a Narc. Forgiveness does NOTHING.
May 15 - 10AM (Reply to #24)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Helldweller

First, I would post this as a seperate topic. This is SERIOUS and it needs to be treated in that manner. Put Barbara's name after the topic.... I am so sorry, helldweller. I can't believe that you had to go through this.
May 15 - 12PM (Reply to #25)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

helldweller

you did NOTHING wrong NOTHING he ASSAULTED you he came to YOUR house file that report... no matter what ask the police to help you get a RESTRAINING ORDER BLOCK HIS NUMBER BLOCK HIS TEXTS, HIS EMAILS if he shows up again - do not open the door, just call the police AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL SO THEY CAN DOCUMENT THE BRUISES, etc. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 13 - 10PM
sanctuary
sanctuary's picture

This guys a piece of

This guys a piece of work....and a piece of s--t!!! I read your story earlier this evening. Next time that SOB touched you...in any way tell him you don't want it and next time you'll call the police. Carry one of those digital recorders Barbara mentioned and/or a camera with you all the time. That's just for starters...As one mother to another, I remember one of the things that helped me break away was thought of the example I was setting for my kids. Some times its hard for us to do it because of the brainwashing. Keep in mind all the hurt he's caused your innocent girls. Going into "Mama Bear" mode can help. You did great tonight....keep it up!!! BTW...I'd bet anything he's molesting that poor little boy in some way!!
May 14 - 12PM (Reply to #22)
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

I bet too

Yes I bet he is molesting that boy too. I sensed it when I read the story..........what go to a party with that! no thankyou!......hope that gets things in perspective for you!