I need help, it is getting violent. Advise please

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#1 Sep 22 - 1PM

blueeyes

I need help, it is getting violent. Advise please

I am leaving him very soon, it's all mapped out. Now, his intuition can smell my ratness! So things have been violent bruises on my arm and neck from him throwing me outback (by my neck) and shutting the door on my arm. He locked me out while the baby and the girls were inside. I had no keys no purse, nothing. He said he needed to get me out of his fae because the way I was ATTACKING him, he would have killed me. I am doing my best to take all of your advise and STAY COOL and indifferent but I gotta say it's rough. Big old fight last night, AGAIN. Instead of punching me, he actually punched himself in the face. What's that about? He hate himself so much he punched himself? Whatever I liked it! hehe. Anyway he is like this today. I am not answering the way he would like and he is flipped out. If I don't answer will violence come back? Please advise? I am Jenna He is HIS TEXT

HIS TEXT: I don't blame you for leaving me, I wouldn't be with me either if I could help it. I use to feel so proud and confident. I lost it somewhere in the last cpl yrs. So I don't ever want to be nasty to you, you have my I guess my only fear in this world was that someday you would let it go. The thing is I'm not afraid to tell you and when I might say something that hurts you, I'm just hurting inside and I'm truly sorry for that. I mean that with all my heart.

HIS TEXT: I meant to say "u have my HEART"

Jenna: really? You don't blame me? Is that why you CONSTANTLY BLAME ME? I am working.

HIS TEXT: No I don't blame you, we disagree at times on what one or the other should do or not do. But when 2 ppl have as much LOVE and PASSION as we do it s like 2 Bulls going head to head. All I know is I was up all night thinking and then this movie called 61 came on and to make a long story short this guy missed his wife and they played this song that reminds me of you and I lost it for like 20min. The point is that through all the fighting and cussing we forget about the pain we inflict on the ones we LOVE. I don't regret one min with you and I have never seen a person look more Beautiful Bride on her wedding day. That all needed to be said, sorry if I bored u I didn't mean to.
The song is by Lyle Lovett, "Nobody knows me like my baby"

Jenna: Is that the baseball movie?

HIS TEXT: You got it, its with Barry Pepper the guy you like. He plays Roger Maris, Billy Crystal did for his Dad.

Jenna: I want u to take care of your mind. Why? Because that's the only way you can be YOU. That's the only way to be a father and husband. That is all.

HIS TEXT:I just hold so much pain and anger inside that as a young man it made me a great athlete and Soldier. But as I get older the demon inside of me doesn't what to do when I starting becoming a husband and father. And the reason why I got mad yesterday was it was eating me up and the only person I wanted and needed was u. I guess I just wanted a hug and for you to tell that we are in it for the long run. I didn't get any reinsurance and that's what broke the camels back. That's all.

Jenna: Rewind to yesterday, if u would have told me that, it would have went down differently. Getting MARRIED was me telling you I was in it for the long run. The damage got BAD for me and I didn't want it anymore and I am sorry. Back to work.

HIS TEXT: I truly never mean you disrespect, but the things u say HURT worst than anyone I have ever heard from. But now I understand what you have needed from me also, so that's why I don't blame u for wanting out. But true Love it doesn't just end, you taught me when Love is real its forever. So I truly mean it when I say that you will always have my heart and no matter what the good times override the bad.

#2 Sep 23 - 12PM

Briseis

It sounds like staying till

It sounds like staying till Oct 27 is the top priority. And all else follows, which means the personal safety of you and your children comes second :( It's probably pretty hard to just come out and SAY that this is where you are at right now. If you are living with him, neither you or your children are as safe as you deserve to be. As you ought to be. It is delusional to rely upon HIM controlling himself, and equally delusion for you to rely on "hiding" your plans from him to keep you and your children safe. I think every single one of us who've escaped a voilent Narc relationship have been delusional. We thought we were in control of the situation. Here we are writing to you, "out" for ever how long. We made it. But were we in control? NO. Just damn lucky. When I look back on my own refusal to leave my farm (I was gonna get HIM out), I am horrified, even ashamed of how crazy I was. At the time, I felt perfectly sane, and would have defended my decision to stay just like you. You are not thinking clearly about this . . . and I can say this to you out of respect, having done exactly the same thing. So at least be willing to admit you realistically have other options but you are choosing THIS one. Not to beat yourself up, but to achieve clarity and self honesty.

#3 Sep 23 - 1PM (Reply to #32)

blueeyes

Self Honesty

I am not sane at all. I am so insane that I can't see straight. I have definatly lost it. I have all the work, responsibilities, debt, kids and an ESCAPE while BRAINWASHED??? Honey, I am nowhere in control and sane. Oct 27th is not more important than my children. I am going crazy! I lost my mind!

#4 Sep 23 - 4PM (Reply to #51)

Klarity Belle

You can do it Blue Eyes

You are sane enough, you are strong enough - stronger than him - you will get the strength to get out, put those little ones first and do what you have to do to get away from this sick man as soon as you possibly can, October 27 is so long away and these psycho guys are mind readers especially when we start to pull away from them emotionally. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran "That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran

"That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung

http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

#5 Sep 23 - 3PM (Reply to #33)

michele115 (not verified)

We've All Lost our MInds...seriously

Some more than others...before more damage is done Get Out! It sounds like the quiet before the storm.

#6 Sep 23 - 4PM (Reply to #34)

blueeyes

I am literally F'in up!

I'm so brainwashed that I am catatonic. I am in the parking lot of my therapist's office and I'm in tears. He is on his way in a mercedes I pay for, clothes he stole w my infant son. All I see doing is grabbing my baby and running. But here I sit crying my eyes out? I can't even get out of my car? What did he do to me? Please? Someone, wtf is happening. I gtg. Here is the pimp mobile. I'm not being funny, I'm crying and so confused. I'm not sad? What is happening. If u know, email me. I need a lot of help. Maybe I need to read the stages?

#7 Sep 23 - 5PM (Reply to #50)

michele115 (not verified)

BLUEEYES

I haven't gotten your e-mail yet; however, you have to do something. I don't care if it's psych emergency in your town. Go to the Police, do something. You still have the bruises they can SEE. I know that the system doesn't do anything. Do you have money to get out?...What is holding you up? You have to do something. You can have the nervous breakdown later. I've been there, but there is a part of you inside that is still a fighter, that is still strong. Don't let the fear paralize you. This is possibly a battle between life and death. Do you realize that?...This is the pivotal moement where you have to take drastic measures. Take the bull by the horns, It takes one phone call to the police, one call to a family member or a good friend. SOMETHING...you have to be strong for you and your kids or you've got nothing. Stay close to the board, keep us posted. We're here.

#8 Sep 23 - 5PM (Reply to #35)

better off

Baby, he has traumatized

Baby, he has traumatized you. You are in trauma. Your feelings should be expected. And we're all pounding you to GET OUT GET OUT, and you are losing the ability to act because it's all so traumatic. But we see your house on fire, you know, so we're pounding on the door. You simply MUST tell this therapist the truth about what he did, the violence. Maybe don't tell her in front of him. He shouldn't be in therapy appts WITH you. Therapy makes abusers worse. Does your therapist take abuse seriously? Does she know her shit? You DO NOT HAVE to talk to the therapist with him present. You DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO. After that, you need to drive to a DV crisis center and talk to them. They are used to people in your state of mind who are losing it and don't know what to do. Go to them. They will help you. You can do it. You can go to a DV center. Just do that and don't try to figure everything out. I think you're so overwhelmed and frightened it's paralzying you.

#9 Sep 24 - 5AM (Reply to #36)

blueeyes

Tramatized?

Better off and Michelle, I am tramatizied to the point that I need to educate myself TODAY more on that topic. I have no enery not eating or sleeping. I'm barely breathing and I have a very important job everyday where it's exhausting to pretend I am wonderful. Let me reasearch the stages and where I am at this point I have no clue. I'm still not as strong as when u all 1st met me. I was even funny again for a while! Now THIS? Let me find out. Thaks for the tramatzed suggestion. Btw, he and his mommy were not spying on the boards and they are not looking. I have key logger and spyware on his phone. I hold all accounts and I know their every move. So I was wondering if they would stumble upon this site just as I did. PS- If you are reading this my dear old husband, be ashamed that you are who you are, someone who can't be a normal adult. A big fat nothing!

#10 Sep 24 - 7PM (Reply to #37)

michele115 (not verified)

Blueeyes

I hope today is finding you a little centered. Knowing you need to research the steps and what have you is a very positive sign. Ups and downs and all arounds are a part of this. Stay strong but keep in mind what we've said, any scent of escalation, ACT. We are here for you...try to stay centered. Remember, you and the kids are the most important things in this...especially your children who cannot defend themselves. All the best...

#11 Sep 25 - 5PM (Reply to #38)

blueeyes

thanks Michelle

I need help w the stages today. I feel lost and nuts. He and I are in seperate rooms day and night since thursdays therapy session. See, I told therapist I wished he would go back to his Ex gf. He has been ignoring me ever since. I am ignoring back. I fell to keep peace I should be somewhat nice to him? I'm also trying to speed up my plans. I'm in bad shape physically ill! Passed out earlier from not eating. Just a clusterfuck life. Be nice? When I wanna punch him?

#12 Sep 25 - 6PM (Reply to #39)

michele115 (not verified)

Blue...

I know the not eating all too well; however, you have to try to keep your strength up. I could hardly keep anything down but listen hun...you need some nutrition. I ain't the best dietician; however, I would eat small things like a boiled egg, can of soup, toast, and juices, liqids. They sell this thing ensure, not sure where you live but when I was preggers I couldn't eat a DARN thing, and I was so afraid my baby was gonna be emaciated...he fed off of me well enough and although on a diet of basically ensure...we both turned out okay - so don't try to down a sirloin steak or big plate of pasts, that is unrealistic, but give yourself a few healthy noshes whatever you can get down to keep your strength up. You don't want your suger dropping or to get deficient, that will really mess you up and get you too weak to function. all the best.

#13 Sep 25 - 7PM (Reply to #40)

blueeyes

michelle

I just had a slice of pizza. My H is out of his "poor me" phase and he is being arrogant. He is trying to get to me by tellinfg me he is a good man and this is my fault. I tune it out. I know the truth but he's almost giddy. Walking around singing? Wtf? He acts like I'm the Narc!

#14 Sep 27 - 9AM (Reply to #45)

Used

blue eyes

when my exnh sang , for no reason ,it would mean he was nervous... just saying... and the good man bit he is trying to convince you, and trying to turn it on you, to think is it me? no it is not you.

#15 Sep 27 - 11AM (Reply to #46)

blueeyes

used?

Singing a nervous sign? I never knew that! He is whistling and acting CREEPY! I don't get it. I always could see his moods, this is throwing me. Can you explain this giddiness?

#16 Sep 27 - 12PM (Reply to #48)

Used

blueyes

myexh whistled or sung.... he said it stopped him thinking... he was afraid to think... it always pissed him off that i was a deep thinker and he would say... you think too much... yeah well i had plenty to think about, but when i saw your post it bought back memories..... after i told him to go, i gave him time to find a place,,, he sung on the top of his voice for 3 sodding weeks... i said you will have to go now..... i will never forget the look of fear in his eyes. i suppose he thought the longer he was there ,more chance of me changing my mind... no chance at all... he knows something is a miss with you. he is afraid to ask you what it is cos he is afraid of the answer...

#17 Sep 27 - 1PM (Reply to #49)

blueeyes

Giddy and singing?

I find that odd..Used, I am a deep thinker and he always tells me I think too much. UGh, his isnging isnt engaging me at all. I find it creepy.

#18 Sep 27 - 11AM (Reply to #47)

kiwi10

he's giddie either because

he's giddie either because he's trying to upset you or because he's nuts. dis-engage hun

#19 Sep 26 - 3PM (Reply to #41)

michele115 (not verified)

Blue...

Please excuse my spelling, I don't know what the heck is going on with me...geesh... Anyhow, keep tuning him out, we know who the NARC is here right? I got to thinking....they mirror and make us crazy...that is why I think that we start acting like NARCS ourselves temporarily because those of us who have the fight response start to really resent and get really pissed and decide to give them their shit right back. Their shit starts to rub off on us, we start acting insane like them...this is part of what these fuckers do to us. You are not crazy...he may have driven you there temporarily, and you are fighting it as best you can. I know things were brought out in me that I'd never imagine I'd be capable of. This is why this NARC shit is so dangerous. Then, somehow, once they have you in the web of "insanity" by proxy...they get to justify their bad treatment of you and get to talking about why they had to leave you blah, blah, blah, blah because "you're crazy" and "he tried everything he could" "even went to counseling to no avail" they believe their own bullshit. Bunker down, stay on this board, day or night get centered. You and I both know that in time, the joke will be on him. Don't try to spite hurt or harm...have an emergency plan in case you can't get to Oct 27th. He's singing...we now know he's a sadistic Mofo...and it will be a matter of time until you are free. You will get through this.... All the best...and take your vitamins...our best weapon in this war is education, knowledge and support. You have all three. Hang in there. Hugs.

#20 Sep 26 - 8PM (Reply to #42)

blueeyes

michelle

You are right! Get my email asap! Thanks

#21 Sep 26 - 8PM (Reply to #43)

michele115 (not verified)

I will reach out to betty blueyes

it may take her a bit, but she's great with follow-up

#22 Sep 27 - 9AM (Reply to #44)

blueeyes

I know she will.

She answered me that she is working on it :)

#23 Sep 23 - 8AM

Klarity Belle

Blue Eyes

You have a plan you say - I just hope he doesn't have a plan too - a desperate one. Like Briesis says you read about it in the papers every day, madmen murdering their families - except to them it isn't 'family' just extensions of themselves and if they are done then the 'extensions' get wiped too. I don't want to scaremonger you but really, just get yourself and your kids out of there to a shelter if necessary. Let him self destruct himeself. Oct 27th is a long way off. Your children's safety is paramount here. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran "That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran

"That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung

http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

#24 Sep 22 - 8PM

agnesmurphy17

Bruises?

Hello? Why didn't you dial 911? Get a restraining order. This is what they are for. Even if it's his house, not your's, he will have to stay away until you & the kids find a good place. The lady below is right, social services does get involved if they find out there is DV & the mother does not react. These men get very "fragmented & disorganized" when the woman leaves. Leaving is the MOST DANGEROUS time in an abusive situation. And they do detect that they are losing control. Whatever is happening on Oct. 27, you better take everything of value, everything you want, do it FAST with great, big, huge men. And vanish. Anything you leave may be broken or destroyed or lost. And take out an RO so he doesn't follow you wherever you are going. For those of us who have been through this, these e-mails, texts written here. . . we've all read them from our own Ns. Almost the same words. All these guys are alike. Be very, very careful. I hear shades of my former N in your N's words. I never would have believed him capable of doing what he did when I left. Once you are no longer useful, once they have lost control over you . . . the mask of sanity is ripped off & they go for the kill. And you have little children to protect.

#25 Sep 23 - 8AM (Reply to #29)

blueeyes

agnesmurphy17

I know and agree. I am working on it. Thank you all, I will get thru this. I promise, I am protecting my children. I have the law involved. It's not easy. It's not his house, it's mine, everything is mine. I am closing accounts and getting my duck in a row, I cant get out today. I can very soon. This date is significant because he will not be able to see me EVER again.

#26 Sep 22 - 10PM (Reply to #28)

almostlydia

I'm with agnesmurphy, here.

I'm with agnesmurphy, here. You have been programed into accepting the unacceptable. This is unacceptable behavior. This is abuse. Make your exit plan and get the police involved. You have children to protect. I'm so so sorry. I know how it leaves us dazed. But we get out of that daze when there are little people to protect. That is what we Mother's do. Do it now. For all of you. almostlydia

almostlydia

#27 Sep 22 - 5PM

ShaynasMommy

blue eyes

"But when 2 ppl have as much LOVE and PASSION as we do it s like 2 Bulls going head to head." Are you freakin kidding me? What an old tired line that is! In other words, love that's worth anything HAS to be painful and dramatic and that's just the way it is sweetie!! Correction: there isn't a lot of love goin' on there, but there's passion alright...as in CRIME OF PASSION when he put his hands on you and left marks. You should document those bruises and make a report. its not too late for that.

#28 Sep 22 - 5PM

hooklineandsinker

Before I ever heard the word narcissism....

....I had read a lot about domestic violence and the one thing that is an absolute truth about it is that IT ALWAYS ESCALATES. The time to leave is the FIRST time it happens because any subsequent times will be way worse. What is so special about Oct 27th? Please get out NOW.

#29 Sep 22 - 5PM

Alibi_10

Blue Eyes

This is really worrying, do you think you can keep up the act - it seems ages away? I would have to say agree with the others, I think you need to bring the plan forward x

#30 Sep 22 - 5PM (Reply to #24)

blueeyes

oct 27 is not a grand exit

I can't say until it happens but the law enforcement is involved. I have to be oscar worthy. That night I will post it!

#31 Sep 22 - 3PM

anonymous

Tough Love Day

Guess this is my day for some tough love.... Jenna - your heading for this thread is a plea for advice. Almost every single woman who replied said to get out. They are concerned for you. They know what these psychopaths are capable of. Yet you discounted all of their advice for the sake of your big October 27th plan. It was like you made a plea and then you pulled back and are concerned about his reaction if you ignore him some more. How about some concern for yourself? So what, exactly, kind of advice were you seeking? For all of us to say, good idea - stick around for another 6 weeks so he can slam your arm into the sliding glass door some more? If you have a safe place to stay on October 27th, you should have a safe place to stay now. And your home, with that psycho, is simply not safe. Sorry to be harsh but someone has to do it.

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