Low self-esteem, or . . . ?
Low self-esteem, or . . . ?
I know I had it. But did the low self esteem have anything to do with why I fell for the Narc?
I'm trying to pinpoint a specific TIME in the beginning of the relationship when a person's self esteem level may or may not have been crucial.
The low self esteem that naturally happens as the relationship deepens is not what I'm talking about here.
And I'm wondering if pre-existing low self esteem (for whatever reason) is even "crucial" for the development of a bond with a Narc. I think a discussion on this would be important. Not so that everyone will end up in a Kumbaya moment LOL but I see obvious truth in what seem (to me) to be conflicting ideas. I'm wondering what other folks think :)
In my mind and heart, there is no "judgment" I have about having psychological flaws, mine or anyone elses. I don't personally feel "put down" by labels, but I recognize that other people feel differently.
Having "issues" does not diminish a person's value, or capabilities, it's not a sentence. It is merely recognition of something that is off kilter or not producing the results you would like.
In my very personal opinion, I think all human beings suffer a form of low self esteem, and that would essentially make it "normal" to be a little unsure of yourself, for instance. I believe it comes from expectations of society and culture, with which we never quite measure up. Being bombarded with what we should look like, what we should care about, what should be important has it's effect on you, even if you reject it outright.
We are social creatures, our need for acceptance and approval in the "herd" is based upon survival needs. It can't get much more basic than that.
When our "fitness" for belonging is questionable, even if we are beloved and our parents were Ward and June Cleaver, we still have the greater culture to "answer to".
I suspect that creates an insidious kind of low self esteem that is operating below awareness. This is only MY personal opinion. And this insidious low self esteem, which feels just like every day normal life (my butt is too big, my tooth is crooked, I should XXXXX more/less/better than I do) exerts an EFFECT, and creates a vulnerability to exploitation.
In this idea, ALL people alive (unless they are transcended Masters or maybe Narc relationship veterans :D ) are vulnerable to Narcs, through no fault of their own, because of years of negative messages we barely even notice because they are so ubiquitous.
It follows that it is necessary to examine yourself if you have gotten hooked in by a Narc. If you want to avoid it happening again!
No matter where you start out -- believing it was your low self esteem, or simply falling victim to a predator -- the end result of what we must do is the same. Expanding self awareness, questioning deeply held beliefs about ourselves, and then rebuilding stronger than ever.
What is it that we rebuild that (hopefully) prevents further victimization?
Self esteem. Self value.
This is a logic issue, to me. The result of recovery equals what was missing before the recovery was needed.
That's where I get "low self esteem" as a baseline vulnerability to predators.
What you y'all think?