Not every man is a Narc

17 posts / 0 new

#1 Oct 17 - 5PM

coffeeaddict66

Not every man is a Narc

Wow! I just learned this today. I met a really nice
guy and considered dating. We had a lot in common, although he was not a mirror image of me.

After several quite enjoyable conversations and several invitations to dinner, he finally told me that he felt we probably weren't going anywhere with this and he was really interested in moving forward and wanted to know how I felt.

I liked him a lot, but I stalled at every turn....why? Because I was waiting for the narc to show up. I listened to every word waiting for arrogance, braging or an insult to slip out. I waited for him to talk bad about his ex-wife and talk all about himself. Guess what...none of that happened.

As disappointed as I am that I probably lost a really great guy, I'm really happy because I broke through that barrier. I truely believed that all men my age were narcs.
That isn't true and it is a great relief because I don't have to look at every man waiting for that aha moment to prove he is a narc too.

I will still keep my guard up, but it feels good to have actually seen a real nice guy and know that they really do exist. Thanks for the vent guys!

Coffee

#2 Oct 18 - 11PM

Trulybroken

My ex was awesome when I met

My ex was awesome when I met him. First two years, I had no idea he was a crack pot. I mean, sure there was signs and red flags of something wrong, but not narcish! Well turns out, he was the most evil kind! No, not all men are narcs, but sometimes they hide it so well, you cannot detect it for years. Scary!

#3 Oct 17 - 10PM

Done sourcing

I have some ideas of how to

I have some ideas of how to take care of myself now, tools that I have picked up along the way. Soulmate talk, adoration, too much attention, a sense of impending drama... All flags that will make me run. I don't need someone to complete me, as I am already good to go. I spend quality time out amoingst folks and also spend quiet time alone, which I now so cherish compared to the constant eggshelling syndrome that I lived under for so long. I like my freedom, and will enjoy my single life for as long as it makes sense for me. Comfortable in my own skin is my test, and will never sacrifice that feeling for a woman. Slow and steady, onward towards peace! Ds

#4 Oct 17 - 11PM (Reply to #14)

Sea

I am enjoying peace and time

I am enjoying peace and time alone as well. No need to fight for attention of narcky with his zillions of ow and walking on eggshells. Not ready to date probably for a long while. Too afraid somehow, very skeptical of men. I still receive alot of attention from men who likes my looks, my personality etc but somehow none feels real. I prefer to be alone or hang out with friends, family or do my volunteer work. Zero desire to seek any relationship.

#5 Oct 18 - 1PM (Reply to #15)

Done sourcing

I get what you're saying. I

I get what you're saying. I have little to give yet to another human being in an imtimate way. I know that I can love again, but it will be different and much much better...don't know what it will look like...but I will when I see it! ds

#6 Oct 17 - 9PM

onwithmylife

Coffeeaddict

I went out on 7 dates witha guy who was narklike, lived with his 8o year old mom, very self absorbed, asked very little about me, fresh out of a divorce and never spent any time looking within himself and what part he played with its demise , had a real hard time when I asked him to turn down the really loud music in the car, I ended it and am proud of myself for standing up as iwas developing feelings for the man and I guess I was going to be another notch on his belt, never happened, thank God.........it takes time to get back into the swing of things but this time i asked a lot of questions about HIM and really listened to what he said.

#7 Oct 17 - 6PM

Syren66 (not verified)

I don't think they are all

I don't think they are all narcs either...but I definitely can spot one at 20 paces at this point and won't waste a second of my time more than it takes to blurt out "see ya" when I do encounter one. My guard is not really up, I just no longer ignore the "something's not right" feeling. It's at a decibel level way too loud to ignore from this point forward!

#8 Oct 17 - 6PM (Reply to #2)

coffeeaddict66

Not Ready

I think what has been holding me back was the fear that I would get caught up in a relationship with a narc and not know it or I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. The truth of the matter is I think it was also because I wasn't ready. Feeling like I can see the difference now, has really boosted my self-esteem. I lost trust in my own judgement and today I got a little bit back ...feels good.

#9 Oct 17 - 7PM (Reply to #3)

Syren66 (not verified)

That "knot" in the pit of

That "knot" in the pit of your stomach when you were with the xN? That was your subconscious screaming "NARC!!!"...you knew it then, you just weren't AWARE of it. The good news is, you will never not be aware of it again! Tell me that now you can't see one coming from half way around the globe after all you've learnt! Awesome progress! You should be so proud!

#10 Oct 17 - 8PM (Reply to #4)

coffeeaddict66

Not quite that good yet!!

Lol!! Thanks! Not sure I can spot 'em at 20 paces yet, but hopefully I'll get there!! Thanks for the encouragement, btw I got your wifebeater t-shirt beat....how bout tobacco spit in a used water bottle because he was trying to quit smoking!! Yuck, Yuck, Yuck...yeah, I was too invested when the knot in my stomach showed up. Then I trained myself to ignore it and tell myself I was wrong...thus the loss of self-esteem. Come to find out...I was right all along..it's good to be back!!:)

#11 Oct 18 - 4AM (Reply to #11)

Syren66 (not verified)

It gets better,

It gets better, Coffee...you're getting to know yourself on a whole new level now and you'll never let another one of these snakes sneak in under your radar again! :)

#12 Oct 17 - 8PM (Reply to #5)

Syren66 (not verified)

Yep, that beats the

Yep, that beats the wife-beater hands down! God that is a nasty, vile habit...blech!

#13 Oct 17 - 11PM (Reply to #10)

Caligirl

Both, ugg:(

Mine wore wife-beaters and used plastic water bottles for spittoons. He left the full bottles all over the house, & I was always throwing them away. He dipped a lot!!! He gave up the wife-beaters. One day I called his shirt a wife beater while doing laundry. He goes, "What's that?" I said, "Ur shirt. It's called a wife-beater." He said, "Really?" Later, he threw them in the trash.

#14 Oct 17 - 11PM (Reply to #6)

rosedewittbukater

wifebeater shirt?

I think I missed something

#15 Oct 18 - 4AM (Reply to #7)

Syren66 (not verified)

wife-beater is a t-shirt that

wife-beater is a t-shirt that you usually see stereotypical Italian-Americans wearing...straps instead of sleeves...it's called a wife beater, because for some odd reason, the type of guy to beat his wife tends to favor that kind of t-shirt.

#16 Oct 18 - 6PM (Reply to #8)

rosedewittbukater

wifebeater

Ahh yes, thank you Syren. For some reason I could not see Caligirl's post until today (?). Funny mine wasn't a dude but she wore these too. I'm sure she enjoyed the connotation. I referred to them as same and made a few passing comments about them when she was wearing them. lol

#17 Oct 18 - 6PM (Reply to #9)

Syren66 (not verified)

I generally find that

I generally find that stereotypes are rooted in truth. My ex wanted me to wear his...I'm sorry, but I need a doublte-wide trailer and a can of Chef Boyardee ravioli to complete the costume!

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews