nycsurvivor's story

I understand how you feel but I made it 3.5 years and two babies . He left me numerous times during my first pregnancy and left for good during my second one. I was the dumb one who put up with such horrible behavior. I remember mentioning abortion to him and he would beg me not to . He wanted a chance to be a wonderful father ! Except when I was at home taking care of his baby he wanted he was at work hitting on women and going to the bar with women. I even told him if he had spent half as much time being a father to our daughter as he had flirting with women he wouldn't have had time to fall for someone else. He totally agreed with me . Be relieved you no longer have a tie to him and stay away from him . Trust me I had numerous times to get away from mine I remember when he and I were engaged I was driving 120 miles twice a week to finish my degree and working full time. He dumped me during this tough time in my life. Six weeks later he called wanted to go to lunch ... At lunch I remember thinking this guy is completely nuts I do not want to spend my life with him . But for whatever reason I slept with him and got pregnant that day . I should have been strong enough that day to walk away . It sucks now but once you're out of it for awhile a sense of relief starts to come over you and you realize you have dodged a bullet.

We all ponder over and over the painful question of "How the hell can they do the terrible things they do?" There simply is no concrete answer other than they are not really human. Their brains are weird. We shall never really comprehend. Nor would we want to walk a mile in their evil shoes in order to gain a better understanding. Anyways, I am terribly sorry for all your suffering and pain you have endured. I wish you all the best and hope you will try to read and learn a little everyday to become wiser, stronger, less vulnerable, and more and more at peace. Ultimately peace is an intangible that is worth more than all the money in the world. I wish this for you. God bless you.

get into therapy with a TRAUMA COUNSELOR IMMEDIATELY - call a DV Center if you need to get an advocate ASAP to get this man completely out of your life - NOW - PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. - PLEASE read the stories of others on SHARE YOUR STORY. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do! Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. It will also help you see the pattern of their INCURABLE PATHOLOGY. Your story is very very common. - PLEASE read through our WHOLE blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - chock full of articles about Ns and healing Please read all the Rules prior to posting, as well - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going as SOON as possible for whatever level of PTSD he's left you with!! BLOCK HIS EMAILS, IMs and TEXTS change your phone & cell numbers don't ALLOW him to contact you again... not pray for it! DO NOT ALLOW IT! NO CONTACT! Get to a PTSD/ trauma counselor ASAP... Healing takes a MINIMUM of 18 months (with TOTAL NC) and you will need support & help from a professional. Please get it ASAP. Do not date before 18 months has passed! I have had almost exclusively narc or sociopath men in my life. I had to endure 2 abortions alone - by 2 different narc men. Even when I ran into them years later and told them they felt SO WHAT? It affected me even more because I went through 12 years of serious invasive infertility treatments with my exNH and got no compassion from him then. Just know you did the right thing. KEEP THIS SOUL SUCKING, NON HUMAN PREDATOR OUT OF YOUR LIFE. (I'm in NYC myself btw) ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is such a damaging condition (to those in their lives). They have no capacity to love, appreciate, value, or feel anything. They are blamers, projectors, liars, cheaters, etc. They are filled with hate; they abuse; they discard and recycle people continuously. You will quickly see that it seems like all of us are dating the same man. Those with NPD tend to behave in similar ways. When you lack empathy and are severely emotionally stunted at approximately three years old you will see an extremely offensive, abusive, cold, being. He will fake and pretend when he is trying to lure you in. However, that nice guy is not the real him. Believe me... when mine finally took off his maske he let me know that it pissed him off that he had to fake for soooo long. He told me, "I can't believe you actually thought someone could be that nice!" I know the pain you must be in. I was there too 8 months ago. I was a mess and nearly lived on this board asking questions and trying to work through the pain. It's tough when you are betrayed by these monsters. I'm soooo sorry about the pregnancy. It must have been a very difficult decision. Please hang in there. My ex and I are in our late 30's too. Mine dumped me the day after I told him my pregnancy test was negative... we were purposely trying to have a baby and he had me convinced that he would be there for me and wanted it as much as I did. It was our first month trying, so i was really excited bc I was trying to get a handle on figuring out ovulation dates. Little did I know my narc was getting his attention fix from a new girl. He was cheating on me the whole time.... one of the girls was his ex-girlfriend who he is back with now. The day after I informed him of my negative pregnancy test he dumped me via email and has not spoken to me since. As though it were ME who did something wrong. He never gave an apology or explanation. No closure of course. He just moved on with his new supply and back up supply sources of girls who are always there. In his email he informed me he had to dump me bc I scrutinize him too much. All I was doing was telling him to stop abusing me! It was simply a cover story so he could make a clean break from me to be with his new girl. NYCsurvivor, they are horrible monsters and hurting you means NOTHING to them. They experience no hurt or anything! It is hard to imagine (because we have emotions past a 3 yr old) to simply walk away from someone we were in a relationship with. Someone we were trying to make a baby with OR in your case actually was a pregnancy. However, without a developed emotional system there is no guilt, shame, regret, remorse, love, happiness, shame... etc (fill in the emotion). I am sorry you are going through this. Continue to post, read, and learn all that you can. Jess