Physical Symptoms??

I do think am I needier than others from not having a mature or available mother to bond with - there is just a hole, like I never got the nurturing I needed which makes me over bond with men. Well I agree there is a middle ground for needy...but I think that situations and circumstances will dictate those fluctuations...measuring ourselves against others in terms of need I think is tricky...I think we need to identify first what are our needs, then try to become aware if we are "overly" needy or "normal" needy or are feeling low on the needy scale - but who determines what's a normal level of needy?hmmm - I don't know either. I think that when we are feeling vulnerable, we especially have to be aware of the circumstances that are triggering any perceived "high state" of neediness - is there something else going on? AGAIN, I think what is helpful, but you have to be really keen because there is so much brainwashing even in the media...but trying to educate ourselves on what is a healthy relationship - and I say that is tricky simply because we are learning that society is becomming more and more narcissistic as a whole, so that will color how those in the capacity to "dissemninate" information will be influcenced by what they write and hence how "our minds" are molded. I presume this is why it's always helpful to also have some spritual foundation in place simply because regardless of belief or ritual, they all try to get one centered and they all in different ways try to lead us to a place of love and peace. AND that is something we need to do for ourselves first before we can look outside. AND equally the one we are involved with should pretty much share the same principals, one who is really motivated to stay in the light. I too have a similar background and found myself caught up in the vortex of getting my validation from others. BUT through this experience, I have slowly learned how to get more centered. I am in a way in "isolation" at this time. I'm on the board, I am in recovery. Initially it was a "forced" isolation because of circumstances, but over time, I elected to stay this course in order to get into my own head and my own soul. Of course, I have friends and they call from time to time, and I have family and I even had to set boundaries with my mom and we're working on some things, but for me - in order to find my true authentic self, I chose instead to stay a bit isolated because I wanted to drown out those outside influcences, those messages and seek MY truth. I guess I admired his self sufficiiency because he had nerves of steel and rarely asked anyone for help. What other choice would the emotionally unavailable have other than to have nerves of steel - if they are not emotionally detached - what on earth could rattle their cage? AND in this case, it sounds like while the TWO main emotions of a narc are FEAR and RAGE...you have the overt and the covert so covertly, when he was fearful, his RAGE came out covertly in passive aggression and/or gaslighting, the intermittent reinforcement etc.... Yes he probably was detached from me - but in important matters, I know he respected my thoughts though he rarely included me in his life decisions - he operated as a solo person the whole time - there was no "we" - He only referred us to as "we" to show off in front of his male friends - in private no "we". Because in his world, it was ONLY HIM. We were the onnaments, the decorations, the "Image" enhancers to make them look "normal" like they could have a relationship? I remember being startled how he acted like we were close in front of his friends, esp on phone calls - I guess he was showing off that he had a woman calling him?? I don't get these guys... They're disordered...but continue to get it out. Part of healing is understanding it, but the bigger part, is understanding YOU and your truth... Hugs!