please help urgent advice needed

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#1 Dec 29 - 6PM

sadanddown

please help urgent advice needed

hi
I've been with my narcissist for 3 and half years we've broken up 8 times him doing this he's lied cheated on me raged yet stupidly I still love him
Things were ok for a while, we his family and mine meant to all went out for Xmas day (I was paying) I've been paying his rent too he's up to his eyes in debt
But anyway 3 weeks before Xmas he dumped me said Xmas is off and he says I'm just a friend to him he knows I'm looking for more he's not he said he doesn't love me nor is attracted to me and I've just been a friend in 3 and half years said not my fault I read too much into things !
I've been very very good to him and put up with alot I've always been there he says he doesn't want me to pay his rent he's moving back home at age of 40 said can't handle this!
Nightly he's on facebook chasing a harem of women,feel lost and devastated I'm a mess can't function I still love him!
He came round to my house on dec 21st and gave me Xmas present on 21st and a card to a special friend he stayed 25 min moaned about poor him and left he left I cried my eyes out then Xmas day I get merry Xmas text I phone and text him seen he's off and ask if he would like to come over for dinner and to chat he ignores me 2 days and texts 27th saying listen I'm busy til January and thanks for the offer but sorry we aren't going down that road and I'm definitely moving home last thing I want to do is take money off you then he said listen will speak to you in January and let you know when I'm free!!
He had a bank card here I've text him past 2 days regarding it and he's totally ignored me what now anyone got any advice what's he playing at ? Why did he cancel Xmas and now not want money yet see me before Xmas and why now is he ignoring me? Does anyone offer me any advice do you think will hear or see him again I know he's bad news but I can't help loving him as pathetic as this sounds hope someone understands as can offer me advice and why he's doing this? I'm heartbroken,he's spending every night on internet talking to women one of them asked him if he's got a girlfriend he said I prefer to have lots of women friends so he always has someone to go out with-WTF ? Please help

#2 Dec 31 - 8PM

sadanddown

happy new year to everyone

happy new year to everyone x My heart is breaking he didn't even send me one lousy text to wish me a happy new year after his rotten one yesterday,I'm really heartbroken after all I've done for him stood by him supported him he can't even text me at new years Is that to hurt me further cause it's worked I'm devastated why does he hate me? Is that him done with me won't I hear from him again ? Please someone reply great start to new year crying again I'm hugely disappointed I did want him to text x

#3 Jan 1 - 12PM (Reply to #64)

Goldie

I have moved your other posts to the ALL about HIM forum

This section is for your share your story and the other forums are for your day to day posts. YOu will get a better response there to your posts. God bless, Goldie

#4 Dec 30 - 7PM

Im_always_fine

I don't understand. Are you

I don't understand. Are you asking for advice on how to keep him? Or leave him? Or are you just trying to understand so you can make an informed decision? If you are trying to understand...you are asking the wrong questions. You are asking questions that there aren't any SANE answers to. HE IS SICK....UNWELL...NOT NORMAL...TWISTED...MENTALLY ILL Your mind can NOT process his motives and games because YOU are rational. You are sane. And if you want to stay that way. LISTEN to the wisdom offered here by SURVIVORS. He's CRACKING you. You can make it stop. PLEASE shhhhhh. And listen to Goldie and Hunter and Spinning. THEY can and will help you. They won't help you continue in pain. They WILL help you survive and heal! If that's what you want.

#5 Dec 30 - 7PM (Reply to #61)

sadanddown

he left me again and that

he left me again and that text raging at me through me off guard I know logically he's no good but I don't hate him I still love and crave him and I'm scared it's just me he hates and will meet someone new and have a happy life when I'm devastated I've been in relationships before and when it's done it's done this is different feel I need him don't want anyone just him! Plus he looks normal acts normal he can be loving caring nice and feel we've really connected and share thoughts he doesn't share with people how the hell can that be an act I don't suffer fools gladly how did he suck me in? His emotions looked genuine how can you put an act on like that?? Plus to his family he's the great son and uncle life and soul of party it's only me he treats like crap like he hates me and why when I've treated him the best why not treat his family and friends like that ?? Would love him to come back and want me and the old him to come back I know pipesdream! Why does he put kisses on all his other female'friends texts and on facebook but doesn't putting kisses on mine saying I will read into things what the hell is that about we have sex know and love all his family helped him out like you wouldn't believe to be told I'm just a friend!! Just as I say everything gone wrong my dad is dieing every area of my life awful nothing positive to look forward to and takes all my time to force myself out my bed

#6 Dec 30 - 11PM (Reply to #62)

Im_always_fine

Your dad is dying. I lost my

Your dad is dying. I lost my mother to cancer. I was ravenous for every second I had left with her still in the world. She was the best friend I ever had. I took care of her. Nothing was left unsaid or undone. No regrets. IF you spend your fathers last days obsessing and focused on this jerk you WILL look back to regret it. Forget this guy while you still have your dad. You are needed else where. You want the old him...but the old him is a fabrication. A fictional character from a book or soap opera. He's not real. Don't waste your love and heart on this guy right now. Go love your dad and the days you have left. Because once he's gone....you can't undo it. The NARC will ALWAYS be around...

#7 Dec 30 - 2PM

Goldie

Sandanddown

Hi, I am Goldie a moderator and Recovery Coach on the site. I have sent you a Private Message. Welcome to the site. Look forward to hearing from you soon. God bless, Goldie

#8 Dec 30 - 2PM

Sparrow

DO NOTHING AS FAR AS

DO NOTHING AS FAR AS CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!! CALL YOUR NEAREST CRISIS CENTER IMMEDIATELY!

#9 Dec 31 - 6AM (Reply to #58)

sadanddown

do you think my ex is a

do you think my ex is a narcissist or he just hates me? Would he be better with another woman and it's just me he hates? Can't get this thought out my head now that's it's me when things were good he would start a fight over nothing break up 8 times rage my story is same as everyone else but he looks so normal makes me think am I just trying to label him to make me feel better and it's just me he can't stand but I've never experienced this with any other man help? Not a good day so sad just want him back hope he texts me to wish happy new year will be devastated if not

#10 Dec 31 - 5AM (Reply to #57)

sadanddown

well it's new years eve I've

well it's new years eve I've woke up yet again feeling shell shocked and numb think that's best way to describe how I'm feeling,still upset and reeling over his angry text last night and of course it's new years eve. He will be spending it with his family having a big party and of course his whole family think he's mr great me on the otherhand will be spending it with just me and my mum both of us crying at midnight at how horrible a year it's been and how lonely and miserable life is I don't relish the new year what's to celebrate another year of feeling lonely missing him struggling with money feeling unloved and having to start my life all over again don't have energy or inclination to start over all again. Everything I try goes wrong anyway,just wish I could sleep and not wake up only feel better when asleep sleep makes you feel better you forget then you open your eyes and remember it all and want to go back to sleep . Everyone here seems stronger I just feel a wreck with no ounce of strength left and of course I will have my phone by my side tonight hoping he will contact me at midnight but knowing he won't and I will be upset all over again.see if I don't text him happy new year would he notice or bother or will he have plenty of other women to message that he won't care I wanted to spend new years eve with him but no chance of that want this day to be over

#11 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #45)

sadanddown

do I not say the champagne

do I not say the champagne was ordered 4 weeks ago and sorry I've annoyed you or is this his rage now and he's looking for a reaction not content in ruining Xmas and my life he's come back to ruin new year please why is he doing this will I hear from him Again what the hell is he playing at ?

#12 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #54)

Sparrow

Was the champagne order? Or

Was the champagne ordered? Or are you resorting to games as well? It is not wise to play games with the disordered. Leave him alone, walk away from all of your lines of communication, take a deep breath, and relax/regroup. Yes!!!!!!! You will hear from him, but each time you respond, you push the date back even further. There, I said it........I am not filling you with false hopes, not my intent at all. The truth is, yes, you will hear from him, without a doubt, and you best be scared, because he is going to destroy you. And it won't take much effort on his part. This saddens me..........you won't seek help. You are only looking for confirmation that he will contact you. Your hanging onto a VERY fine thread and your focus is completely skewed right now.

#13 Dec 30 - 9PM (Reply to #56)

sadanddown

can't sleep my minds racing

can't sleep my minds racing with all these thoughts! Can I ask see when my N said he doesn't find me attractive and is not in love with me and only reason he can have sex with someone he doesn't fancy is because he's a guy! Did he mean this is this true does he not find me attractive he stuck around for 3 and half year if he didn't ! Was it true what he said too he said he's never been in love with me or anyone then said well I might have been in love once but she wanted to get engaged I didn't and she was gorgeous ! So what was so special about her that he said he loved? Was that just to hurt me? He's also said he's a loner and doesn't want anyone there all the time then when I do walk away he says but I still want to be friends,then that text tonight How can a N be a loner as he puts it if he needs supply? My head hurts thinking about this

#14 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #55)

sadanddown

no honestly champagne was

no honestly champagne was ordered it was what we did every year ! he always does this really horrible then back like nothing happened,just don't get why he's so angry with me right now when he was fine 3 days ago

#15 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #47)

Hunter

You need to step back and

You need to step back and start listening.. Get it together.. Your not listening to us and your not listening to him.. He told you stop bothering him.. STOP.. You have it your head how you want it to be ..it's not going to be that way.. You can stand on you head jump up and down .. It's not going to happen ..call a Thearpist.. ASAP..that's who you should be bothering. We are all telling you and most important he's Telling you.. STOP bothering him.. You won't listen.. When you are ready we will help you.. Hunter

#16 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #48)

sadanddown

thought they liked constant

thought they liked constant supply so why is he telling me to not bother him? and why did he not say don't contact me again he said don't contact me for a while which would mean you think he wants to hear from me in a while? Do you think will hear again he's done this before then came back like nothing happened I know it's wrong but I'm that bloody angry sent text saying 4 weeks ago champagne was ordered before you called it off sorry I've annoyed you

#17 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #53)

Used

sadanddown

if he has done all this before, then you know what to expect next... SPINNING suggested you HAVE A ONE 2ONE WITH GOLDIE.... THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD SUGGESTION...

#18 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #50)

Hunter

Again you didn't listen. Why

Again you didn't listen. Why are you here if you know better? What did you gain by sending that text? If you would read then you would understand about supply .. Hunter

#19 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #51)

sadanddown

Didn't want him to think it

Didn't want him to think it was a feeble attempt to get him back that's why I said I ordered it 4 weeks ago cause I'm angry at him still don't get the rage and temper from him

#20 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #52)

Sparrow

You are poking a sleeping

You are poking a sleeping bear..........

#21 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #49)

spinning

Sad, you are causing trouble

for yourself. Stop texting. He has told you to stop. Stop. This can come back to bite you. Just stop. Seek help immediately. You have been stuck in this thought loop for hours. Help is available here and elsewhere. Sincerely (not) spinning

spinning

#22 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #46)

spinning

Sad, to directly answer your question

you DO NOT say anything else. Just stop and turn your phone off. He has asked you not to text. It isn't helping and can be turned against you. You don't have to explain anything. Please go to the About Us Section or to Goldie's Blog and click on the one-on-one and schedule a session. It will help you. Please do not contact him and seek help as soon as possible. Most sincerely, (not) spinning

spinning

#23 Dec 30 - 1PM

Sparrow

Sadanddown.........you are

Sadanddown.........you are too upset right now to even comprehend what is being written to you. That's understandable at times. You must be so devestated right now that your brain is in dead center victim mode, and you are not going to absorb what is being told to you right now. It is a very large pill to swallow, believe me, we have all had to swallow it, yours is no different, except for the fact that you are so deep in denial that it is going to take quite a bit of work to pull you out. Please, I beg of you, call the local crisis hotline, and have them set you up with a therapist pronto! This isn't a joke......when he has crippled you to the point where you are right now, it is no different than being in the midst of a tidal wave, under water, drowning, not knowing where up and down are. Seriously.......this is not to be taken lightly. Stick close to the forum, but please get help immediately. In time, you will be able to read and comprehend what we are explaining to you. But right now, it's next to impossible for you, the wound is very deep for you and the words that you are reading right now, you might as well be staring into a bowl of alphbet soup......you will get through this, I promise, please seek the help you need immediately. Good luck, we are all routing for you!!! xoxoxoxo

#24 Dec 30 - 1PM (Reply to #41)

sadanddown

just had nasty text please help

please someone tell me what to do my N ,just text me a horrible text re. Champagne he said listen got champers don't send me anything else to the house(he's prob raging as it went to his mums house he's prob lied to his mum and said that I called off Xmas he won't tell them truth ) Then said you're doing my head In with texting that's why I'm not responding you're sooo boring,do me a favour just don't contact me for a while eh!!!!!! Why the hell is he so nasty and horrible to me do I reply to that or leave it can't believe he did this before new years eve is this the rage? Was thinking of saying champagne was ordered before you called off Xmas sorry for annoying you please someone help sitting here in tears

#25 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #42)

13Moons13

Please don't reply but

Please don't reply but immediately go block his number from your phone service so he can't call or text you..you can block him online or call your phone service provider. Please save yourself and block him immediately. Complete NC is the only way to start to heal. If you respond all you are doing is feeding his crazy.

#26 Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #43)

sadanddown

I replied so he doesn't think

I replied so he doesn't think I'm chasing him and that I ordered it 4 weeks ago as I'm angry with him yes as sad as it is I hope I hear from him What I can't understand and perhaps someone can answer is why is he raging with me just now when he was ok to text back and forth up until 3 days ago?? Has he not got supply and is looking for a reaction and is it to hurt me further as it's end of year Please can someone answer me

#27 Dec 30 - 10AM

Sparrow

I have read a few of the

I have read a few of the posts, mainly your responses to others responses, because I know the story all too well. What the other memebers are telling you are true. It is what it is, and you need to acknowledge that first before starting on the path to recovery. You need to acknowledge WHAT he is, first and foremost. You are reading into hios actions, looking for answers, the mistake you are making, is you are taking this "personal" and you need to know that it has absolutely NOTHING to do with YOU. You need to realize that so you can once and for all have it click in your head as to what you are dealing with. Let me put it to you in terms you may better understand.......... You know how guys wear out their underwear, won't for the life of them, throw them away? They could be old, dingy, grey, full of holes, with the crotch partially blown out and they just won't throw them away. They fit, they are comfortable, they don't care what they look like, they work for him. He doesn't care either way. Until one day, they get thrown out (by us) and are replaced with new ones. They get over it, they wear the new ones, and they are just as comfortable. Life goes on for them. BECAUSE it wasn't the condition of the underwear that was important to him, it was the fact that he had a pair to begin with. BUT, once replaced, easily moves on. There is no attachment to the underwear, and there is no attachment to you. Or anything or anyone for that matter. Only his prized possessions, his car, his dog, etc.....and even they can be replaced. Because none of them hold emotional value. He holds no emotional value. You have been discarded, like an old pair of underwear, he won't miss you, unless the new pair start to "bind" or be inconvenient.......only then will he begin to dig through the trash looking for his old pair of underwear. And that my friend, will be the ONLY time he returns to you. It's unfortunate, but very true........and never ever take being the target of a disordered man personally. That is your stumbling block, and I suggest you read as much as you can to get over this hump so you can truly start your journey to healing. Good luck, stay strong, and DON'T be available for him in January, or any other time for that matter.........

#28 Dec 29 - 8PM

Hunter

Here u go

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2010/12/22/the-psychopaths-relationship-cycle-idealize-devalue-and-discard/

#29 Dec 29 - 8PM (Reply to #38)

sadanddown

thanks will google it x And

thanks will google it x And thanks to everyone that replied means alot can't talk to friends and family I get pull yourself together move on god I wish it was that simple no one understands me my own mother says I think you're mental really helpful! So thanks good to know can talk to you Please can you answer me from your experience why do you think this time he doesn't want money and is moving home ? That is what's different this time and do you think he will come back in contact in jan is this part of the plan? xx Also just thinking when I put a kiss on this message he said to me I don't put kisses on your textxs as you read too much into things yet rest of women get loads of kisses on messages!! Is it just me will he meet someone settle down and be happy I actually can't stand thought of him being with a women in a relationship

#30 Dec 29 - 7PM

Hunter

Your are looking for answers

Your are looking for answers that your not going to get.. You have been bind sided by a piece of shit psychopath.. psychopath ..Psychopath.. Repeat after me.. PSYCHOPATH.. He has no plans.. You must no longer think of This Psychopath as a human..he does not think, feel or behave as normal does.. He is detached from life.. Damaged goods to the core.. He's not thinking about you. His plans don't include you today.. Maybe tomorrow but not today..probably not even for six months from now. You see he's laughing at your tears.. In fact he's jerking off to them. you ask what are his plans.. Well ...they are to destroy you to your core.. To take you to the depths of Hell.. I've been there.. We all have.. It's fun for a PSYCHOPATH to play games with you mind, your heart and your soul.. Sorry this sounds sick but this is the reality of your situation..you Must read,read,read.he is a Robot..he's not a Man..of that I'm sure.. You are a Beautiful woman, you deserve to love and to be loved..don't you think? He's not the one to give it to you.. Please.. Stop panicking and start healing..Doctor, Read, NC Hunter

#31 Dec 30 - 4AM (Reply to #24)

sadanddown

why is he chasing a single

why is he chasing a single mum with 5 kids (when he doesn't like kids) who smokes(can't stand smoking) who doesn't work nor have a lot of money when my narcissist likes the good things in life don't get the attraction! Really not having a good day today still not out of bed whole life feels pointless x

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