Silent Treatment

sometimes it is to punish a person for violating the rules but i think often it is because they literally do not care or think about the person, even their longterm mate when they get distracted by a higher priority experience (better supply) I do not think they are all psychopaths who enjoy inflicting pain but rather shallow creatures who have not bonded and just depart to have some fun - not thinking for a minute about the pain they cause when mine busted himself with his stupidity on FB he was not the least concerned about me but was very worried that I would out him to the world on FB - they just do not care so its not really a plot to cause harm in my opinion - its almost worse that they just do not give a shit if your heart explodes

You can call it "S.S. NR 86" aka Sparrow Survivor Number 86! Drink one cup for us too! =) It`s funny when I read your post, last night I was doing the same thing, looking on the calendar on my phone, and watching my Narc free time vs the time under his influence. When I was under his "spell" and control, it was like my entire mind was going elsewhere, and days kept counting! I`m much more present now, I just need to focus on me, and resist the little tempations of checking on him.

on more than one occasion. His special version of the "Silent Treatment" was cheerily saying "Good Morning" as if nothing had happened when his intolerable treatment the night before had forced me to spend the night in the guestroom. Every single damned morning, I used to make that bastard tea and breakfast. And on this particular morning, I got up later than he did, and he`d made HIMSELF tea and bought enough bread rolls for HIMSELF (but not for me or my son) plus some kind of disgusting sausage stuff to put on the rolls which my son and I wouldn`t touch with a bargepole, and there he was sitting at the table, and didn`t even offer me tea. Just "Good Morning", as if nothing had happened. I swiped the whole lot into his lap, including a whole pot of tea. It would take a stronger man than he to continue the "Silent Treatment" with severely scalded testicles lol. Of course he thumped me, and I weigh half what he weighs, so I got the worst of it. I still had the bruises 2 weeks later. What shocked me more than the way he behaved was the way I began to behave under his maltreatment. I`m not like that really. Normally I`m gentle and kind and considerate and loyal. What really shocks me is that I`m not sorry I burned his balls, in fact I wish I`d burned them right off. He just had a way of demonstrating to me that I was completely worthless that something in me refused to accept. I am not worthless, and every fight we had was because I refused to accept being treated as if I were.

Dear lord, Just reading this makes me shudder when I think of the silent treatment. It is truly the worst. I would rather have him scream for hours than this form of treatment. Either I cried, which seemed to enrage or fuel the file, or I got mad, which made him happy as he could then justify his silence as deserved for the horrible crazy way I was acting. Good for you - 86 days. I am working on NC myself.

Oh yes the silent treatment. Horrific isn't it. Id rather have had him tell me to fuck off but no he wasn't gonna do that that would end his reign of terror. Silence works great for them they get to adminster the worst punishment and get supply from it at the same time. Highly effective and efficient for them. You know that must think to themselves look I don't have to waste any of my energy on her. I can save it for my new prospects and she will still cry and give me tons of supply. In fact its grade A supply to watch her in so much pain. I am so special! How about sparrow 86 for a name for your wine? Oh geez I could entertain myself coming up names for that wine! Lol

I did a similar thing on the suggestion of a friend way back years ago before I left him for the first time. She said to keep track of all the days in the month that he was nice to me, all day without any abuse. He made it one day the first month and no days the second month. I left the third month.

No whining!! 86 Days great ! Wine is for sharing!! Hunter

Have a glass for me in celebration too. You so deserve it. Yes, the blessed ST - such fun : NOT. What a waste of time and, never again will I tolerate it either. My time is too precious to ME nowadays even if I choose to do nothing. Better to be lonely by myself than lonely in a make believe relationship with him. And they always came back as if nothing had occurred or been said. His recent email to me would lead normal people to think that everything was tickety boo still and that I hadn't written him a message telling him why I was finally walking away from the whole long playing sorry saga. So he must have thought it was just ST on my part when in fact it was full stop and goodbye forever. But he got NC so he could have saved himself the bother. Dee x

That is my exn's weapon of choice. I think it is because he really doesn't/didn't care. If you are dumb enough, and I was, to make the first move to return to the abuse, then sure, why not take you back. I personally think it is just the laziest way to get attention. He was really good at knowing when just the right amount of time had expired and throw in some little piece of attention to make me get all excited that he was still interested in me. How pathetic. I just completely lost reality on what a healthy relationship looked like. I do think ST winds up being their ultimate downfall because eventually the receiver starts to use the time to educate and build up a wall against it and the N/P. Ultimately I don't think they care one bit. I keep myself from making any move to initiate contact by remembering him saying, "Women have left me but they ALWAYS come back." Not this one, lazy azzhole.

Silent Punishment-wow, I hadn't thought of quantifying it. But I know there were vast stretches of time where I suffered that form of abuse. It was always after my N's thoughtlessness pushed me to the brink, and so I would try to discuss my feelings with him. Silence. On occasion my suppressed anger erupted - more silence, and the most malevolent look one could imagine. Finally I became the master of suppression but still I received Lashes of Silence at times. I just finished a "bad" week - sadness, missing the good things and physical closeness, imagining in my head the remorsefulness and apologies and understanding I will never receive. Even as I suffer these, buried memories keep bubbling up - memories of more and more abuses that I had long ago "forgotten."

U have come so far! Time to give yourself a pat on the back n celebrate. I am waiting out my time to heal n really be permanently outa Narc theme park. I dont want to ride his unmerry go round nor his insane rollecoaster. I want back my old life. After this episode with N, i will gain new knowlege n be more careful in future. It is a scar on my heart. I dont want ever to have to deal with a N ever. One N is more than enough for a lifetime!

....thinking about some of the crap I put up with from my abuser........good Lord what the hell was I THINKING??!!! So greatful to have turned the corner.........and so greatful for all of you here, who have been a part of my ongoing recovery and healing. Onward and upward! There is no where to go but UP! : ) love~ Layla