The Stupidest Thing You Did For The N!

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#1 Jan 10 - 4PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

The Stupidest Thing You Did For The N!

I'm sure we've all done things to try to make the N "happy" & now think, "WTF was i thinking??!" Some of the things that come to mind (& I'm not proud of) are: Allowing him to completely ruin my credit by talking me into getting a credit card & running it up to the max (had to hire a lawyer to get me out of that mess!), allowing him to control me to the point that if i didn't hear what he said, i was afraid to ask him to repeat himself cos he would get so furious to have to repeat himself, allowing him to make my then 4 & 6 yr old sons call him "Dad", when they had their father, allowing him to control my life by waiting for him to come home every weekend just so he could call the kids & i at the last minute to say he "had to work" (he already had someone in the town he was working in), having a painful reconstructive surgery thinking the N would enjoy our intimate time together more if i could please him better (little did i kno that i had already been discarded), allowing him to come back soo many times, & the biggest regret ever, wasting so many years of my life on someone so worthless...I don't know about yall but its hard to believe the things that we did & how low we let ourselves go just to try to please these losers! I think when we make our lists, it confirms we made the right choice & are lucky to have them out of our lives. I don't think there is anyone here that can say, "I can't believe he/she did that!" cos we've all been there, done that in some shape or fashion!

Feb 4 - 2PM
Kelly's picture

Unprotected Sex

He convinced me . . . more like wore me down till I gave in.
Feb 4 - 9AM
moving on
moving on's picture


Probably was volunteering to pay for his car insurance and giving him $200 on top of that. I've asked for the money and even contacted his gf but still hasn't shown up. Also helped him pack his apartment when he was moving to Houston. DUMB DUMB DUMB.
Feb 4 - 7AM
AnotherPath's picture

Meet up with him for a

Meet up with him for a second date.

Ending the dance

Feb 4 - 11AM (Reply to #41)
Steph's picture


hahahaha. that's hilarious!
Feb 4 - 7AM
tasha's picture


Took him ingredients to cook dinner for another woman! I did'nt figure out till later on. He never ever cooked me anything except breakfast once!And that becuased I moaned that I was starving!
Feb 4 - 11AM (Reply to #39)
no more
no more's picture


went back again for another round of emotional abuse,lies deceipt and cheating. I think I handled the 2nd time better as I didn't engage in his crazy conversations.Would just sort of not pay attention. He said nothing I'd never heard before. i also didn't fall for his sexual games. I truly was a lot calmer in dealing with him.

I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.

Feb 4 - 7AM
GettingOut's picture

Stupidest thing I ever did

Stupidest thing I ever did was stay married to him.
Jan 17 - 8AM
JuneBug's picture


Jan 13 - 7PM
neveragain's picture

Drove for HOURS Every Single Weekend

I drove to his house every weekend. Getting there could take anywhere from 45 mins (no traffic) to 2 hours. I'd have to make sure that a friend stayed at my house with my dog since he couldn't stand dog hair and hated coming to my house. Once there, I would get a perfunctory greeting and then spend the weekend waiting to see what HE wanted to do and WHEN. Then after the weekend, I'd commute to work on a Monday morning for at LEAST two hours. I did this for almost three years....what a waste of my time. (I'm totally embarrased that I did that) After the Honeymoon Phase, during D&D, I felt like I was such a burden to HIM!!! I feel like I finally WOKE UP and realized what a joke that relationship had become. It took a few trial separations to get free but I made it! It's been 16 months out for me and I'm just now starting to feel like my old self. It was easier to quit smoking than that relationship!!!! neveragain
Jan 12 - 7PM
katiebird's picture

The dumbest thing I ever

The dumbest thing I ever did??? Drive his ass out to the town where his ex lived, watch him get out of my car, watch him stand there, in the middle of the road, completely torn between visiting her and getting back in the car with me. I revved my engine, pulled forward a few feet, and said, "Go ahead, see if she's home." He got the message and got back in the car. Needless to say, I no longer have contact with the loser. I could list stupid things I did for the loser by the 100's. But I'm proud of the smart thing.....dumping his sorry ass.
Jan 12 - 3PM
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

Oh my god that stuff about

Oh my god that stuff about being afraid to ask them to repeat themselves really shook me. Why do they think there frigging bull-crap voice is so important and cant be wasted in repeating themselves. They make you crap yourself, nit picking what you say and then when you try to ask them what they mean they get angry because your not behaving. Its the 'good teddy' paradox. They want you to be the good teddy that knows what is on there mind, you shouldn't need to question them, you should know? and they rage on you if you get it wrong... We run around trying to please them and we just get kicked in the teeth time and time again for it... :(
Jan 12 - 3PM
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

Oh my god that stuff about

Oh my god that stuff about being afraid to ask them to repeat themselves really shook me. Why do they think there frigging bull-crap voice is so important and cant be wasted in repeating themselves. They make you crap yourself, nit picking what you say and then when you try to ask them what they mean they get angry because your not behaving. Its the 'good teddy' paradox. They want you to be the good teddy that knows what is on there mind, you shouldn't need to question them, you should know? and they rage on you if you get it wrong... We run around trying to please them and we just get kicked in the teeth time and time again for it... :(
Jan 12 - 3PM
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

Oh my god that stuff about

Oh my god that stuff about being afraid to ask them to repeat themselves really shook me. Why do they think there frigging bull-crap voice is so important and cant be wasted in repeating themselves. They make you crap yourself, nit picking what you say and then when you try to ask them what they mean they get angry because your not behaving. Its the 'good teddy' paradox. They want you to be the good teddy that knows what is on there mind, you shouldn't need to question them, you should know? and they rage on you if you get it wrong... WE run around trying to please them and we just get kicked in the teeth time and time again for it...
Jan 12 - 3PM
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

oops. I am stupid with

oops. I am stupid with tecnology..
Jan 12 - 2AM
grossot's picture


I don't necissarily blame myself for this bc he had me brainwashed. To this day I don't see this as odd but when I tell people they think its the craziest thing! When we would go to friends' houses or to family functions/ get togethers, he would park the car and I knew not to get out until he lectured me about how many times I was to touch him and where. An example would be as follows: "Now, you know, I would like it if you showed some affection to me in here. Scratch my back, come over to me and put your had (motioning) between my legs, whisper in my ear 2 or 3 times, compliment me, rub my shoulders, and kiss me on the lips 5-6 times" During the function - would do everything he asked, making a mental checklist and praying I did it right. If I did good he would praise me in the car. If I failed, I got the silent treatment. Come to thing of it he never showed me affection like he wanted. I didn't 'need' it as much as he did. Wow! I just realized how stupid this sounds! FREEDOM- here I come! nolongercontrolled
Jan 11 - 11PM
aceonelady's picture

the dumbest was believing this Email

Iwas ready to go to stay with him for 3 months in the USA (i live in Europe) it was the first time we would meet after 2 years daily on Skype for hours hundreds of Pictures we where you could say living apart together.Lots of red falags about his temper too me always finding excuses for him...Then 1 day before i went he did it again..After me asking him something about if he was sure wanting me there (he was irritaded ,vague on the phone)he did say he didnt feel like explaining things that night and did hang on me.Hours later i got this email-You have many things going trough your mind ,you just need to put them to rest.Come here with your heart clear and simply enjoy this moments.Just come and enjoy being with me and stop thinking you always need to look so far ahead.If you do look ahead so are likely to miss all of it.I want you here as much i want you to be here.So come and have a good life with me....And this emailwas sent 12 hours before i went to see him in the USA.When i got there when i arrived at the Airport he was there waiting for me..Talking to avery young cleaning lady he wasnt even lookin at the arrival Gate ,i called his name walked towards him and this girl she said to me very nervous -Ihave nothing with him he works where my cousin does ...and she just runned away! I thought well let it be!In 3 days we had sex twice not sucessfully the first time he couldnt keep it up (erection wouldnt hold up) i dint mind because i was very happy being there with him second time was ok but the whole thing was very fast mechanical and when he was finished he said i am glad went well ithought was going to be one of thoose times i would lose it!And went to smoke a cigarette in the kitchen and i herd him saying Well darling you were worst then a porn Star!You have been around girl...Yeah right i was married for 28 years to the same guy and no sex almost for the last 10 years!The next day before he went to work i was running down with fever he was acting very cold towards me i said that i felt something was wrong he said well i decided i want nothing to do with you anymore ..I was in shock he left for work when he came back i told him can we talk about it he said whatever...He told me i did seduced him and that having sex with me was gross but i diidnt have to live we could still be friends and that we could have a good time!And then the nightmare started...Please read my story if you are interested .Is now a year and 2 months later i had theraopy for a hole year and some and i am not doing better...i did love this man he was everything for me we could talk about everything from pc software to food recipes sex chat i was teaching Dutch but after 6 months ,some red flags but it was due his depressions and mood swings that he told me about when we first started chatting.By the way i met him on a music and videos site the stage 6 not a dating site.i am devasted i left after 2 months of humiliation and withdraw from any afection (except when he felt like it) a few good moments like watching movies together and eating cake i got confused i felt like he was 2 different people.Finally i left after a lot of push and pull ,silent treatment and always telling me if i didnt behave he wouldnt call me never again when i go back to Europe.And so he did .he wont talk to me anymore he says he is dirt and that i mean nothing to him .I did help this men .I loved him .I knew he watched a lot of porn masturbated and he said that he did it because he didnt want to have one night stands.Sometime ago i saw he was using S kype after 9 months not using it because we were using that account together and suddenly i saw he started using it again,so i asked and he said well i am talking now with this woman she is good ppeople she reminds me of you only she isnt crazy as you are! and later he said well maybe i am talking to a man... lately i have been thinking how would be to be with a man! Lately he was telling me horrible things about being gay then not and he was also on asite with a lot of 18 year old people he is 42 ....mijn brain is working overtime i am on medication i am afraid sad and disapointed with myself because i miss him have thoughts about him and pity him! I am aware that i have to look after my seff but he did put a lot of doubts in my head about his life style now ,sexual preferences...He told me he was having Cyber sex then he wasnt then he was gay or by then he asnt then he was skipping with people here and there what that may be.i am a mental wreck and i am also a diabetic so this aint doing me any good! He pursuid me enticed me made me bond with him and then left me for dead as a road kill,My marriage ended because my affair with him he wouldnt even want to be a friend tome!Now i found this site i know what is wrong with him but is too late for me.Thanks for giving me a chance to pour my heart out!


Jan 11 - 1PM
Ellen's picture

The dumbest thing i did

The dumbest thing i did was to tell him i was pregnant and then put his name on the birth certificate of my daughter. The next dumbest thing was to let him be involved with my baby at all.
Jan 11 - 5PM (Reply to #27)
itreallyisabouthim's picture

Yep, I'm with Ellen. The

Yep, I'm with Ellen. The dumbest thing I did was not flee back to where my family was the moment I really knew who he was, so I could have true support.
Jan 11 - 3PM (Reply to #25)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Oh Ellen!

Me too! My husband (that i was separated from & now back with) begged me to go back to him & raise the baby as his own & I didn't take him up on it. Now thats exactly where I'm at but having to deal with the narc! I wished he would have never known about the pregnancy. Now I'm being haunted for making the wrong decision...(one of many!)
Jan 11 - 3PM (Reply to #26)
Ellen's picture


Hi TexN, Of course i'm talking in hindsight............dumb to me now cos i know he is a narc. Was the right thing to do at the time though. I wouldn't let it haunt you cos you weren't to know. It is your daughters right to know who her father is eventually anyway. Your husband is raising her as his own though. Whats in a name at the end of the day. It is good for a child to know their roots and history. Which is what my exN is definately.
Jan 11 - 10AM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

too many to list byt overall...

The dumbest thing I ever did with mine....? Drive 2.5 hours to see a him, driving on the hwy to go see a sociopath, WOW haunts me to this day....
Jan 10 - 8PM
ForeverLearning's picture

Noise Issues and Ridiculous Lies

I can relate to all of the above as far as financial turmoil spending much more of my money at all times than him spending his money, along with....... strange noise issues such as I would always have to: do all things very quietly like wash dishes quietly, open and close cupboard doors quietly, open and close house doors quietly, speak quietly (although he is the biggest loud mouth on the face of the earth, especially when drunk) wait until TV commercials to talk or make noise of any sort (taking wrappers off food packages, etc). And, if I knew he liked the commercial I had to cease the noise during that particular commercial too. Plus I rarely got to watch my shows, only his shows. The arguement over sharing the TV wasnt worth the hassle and there was never any logic involved on his part regarding sharing things. Never getting to watch any TV shows I wanted unless he was done with TV and/or computer. Him changing the radio station when I would find a song I liked (he wouldnt look at me or even think twice about this while driving). Once when I played a music cd in the car he slammed on brakes at 50mph and refused to move on road until I turned off music with cars speeding by and honking screeching tires, near rear end collisions etc. Listening to him boldface lie to people about utterly ridiculous stuff (and knowing if he lied to others he would certainly lie to me) such as pet sitting someone's dog - he never fed the dog for 3 days but said he had taken great loving care of the pet. It was his best friends dog. When I was sick lying on floor couldnt get up to save my life he would step over me totally disregarding me showing no concern. Also left me there to go out partying with friends. He also showed little concern when it was discovered I had cancer and he used my cancer surgery as an opportunity to go party with friends. The weird thing about the noise is I was not to make any, but on a regular basis for 13 years he would blast the stereo almost daily causing noise disturbances with police called by neighbors, etc. Deafening noise was ok if it was his noise. Psychopaths are weird. Sensory issues most definitely come into play with some of them. It is embarassing to have been such a slave to such a loser. And yes I understand having very personal body issues and insecurities but I never went for the surgeries as others did. I find that increasing my own self esteem and being comfortable with my body, has been one of my greatest challenges in life. Finally at age 40, I am learning to take it all with a grain of salt, as far as my physical flaws, and just be thankful for my health and also my sanity. Because many times I thought I might truly go insane. And I am also learning how to develop a sense of humor. No one in my family had a sense of humor to speak of, everyone was very very serious, so learning to laugh at things has been a great help to me, but it never came naturally all that much - but I am loosening up more and more as I learn more in life and find I am not alone in the things I have experienced. Thank you all for sharing your stories. God bless.
Jan 10 - 6PM
alfrebob's picture


This has brought back memories for me. I also had painful reconstructive surgery on an intimate area because of him and the day before he caused an argument on purpose so had to go to hospital on my own and a friend had to pick me up. I then had to explain why I had been in hospital. He did not call me for over a week and even then did not care. We both owned a house and I sold mine, that was mine and my kids and put all the money into a house with him. That was after having paid the legal bills, estate agents costs and a hefty penalty to the mortgage lender. He got me to get rid of all my furniture and put his in the house. 5 weeks later I was living in a refuge with my kids but came back. 6 months later and three court orders down the line he was out. He took everything even the cutlery and kettle.I was pregnant with his child and had to sleep on a mattress on the floor for the first 4 months of my pregnancy. Being horrible to my kids. He would not allow me to take my son to school when he missed the bus. He had an important exam and had to find his own way there having never gone on his own before from our new house. Son ended up running the last of the journey into the exam. I could never disagree with him or he went mad. I regret so much not knowing he was a N. Things would have been so much different for me and my kids. We would not be living in this horrible area now away from all their friends with not much furniture and not even enough money to take them on holiday.
Jan 10 - 9PM (Reply to #21)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


I think our kids went thru similar experiences & I'm embarrassed to have allowed it. Its bizarre to now see it as clear as day now that we are out of it. My N took the mattress in the middle of the nite when i was 8 mths pregnant & it didn't even phase him that i was carrying his child. I had to get a ride home from the hospital after giving birth cos he had to "work". I hope you & your kids are doing okay. Do you have family to help you?
Jan 10 - 8PM (Reply to #20)
ForeverLearning's picture

The Kids Are The Innocent Ones In The Whole Mess

It breaks my heart to hear how your kids have suffered from that man's selfish behaviour. I hate that he wouldn't let you drive your son to school if he missed the bus, and your son had to find his way on his own from the new house to the school on foot. That just breaks my heart to think of it. I am so sorry but I am so glad it is finally over. God bless and all the best to you and those precious kids.
Jan 10 - 6PM
Monica's picture

Stupidist things....

Catered to his every need in order to make his life easier and more enjoyable even though he gave nothing in return. Made him look good and successful. Defended him to those who saw him as a snake from the first time they met him. Made excuses for him, his bad behavior and his belittling of others. And the stupidest thing of all? TRUSTED HIM WITH ME. He was a pathological liar and he lied in order to boost his self esteem and make himself look wealthier, more educated, richer, more important and "connected." If I knew he lied to others, why in the hell would I believe that he wasn't lying to me? STUPID.
Jan 12 - 7PM (Reply to #18)
Amazed's picture

Great point Monica

If he was lying to others, why the hell would I believe that he wasn't lying to me" Truth is,, they dish it up all around. They have no rules about 'who they lie to' and when. They lie for a living. Hard to comprehend, but true,,and once we have been ensnared in all that, we realize the N is taking us for a ride. They lead us to belive we are special, above all that. Wait until you learn of the next level of their facade. They will create their own ruin.
Jan 10 - 5PM
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

stupidist things.. helped

stupidist things.. helped him 24/7 get disability dropped everything to take calls was supportive of him when OW outted him only to be dumped months later. Helped him research our health condition so he could pass the info off to others as his own knowledge take him back after finding out he betrayed me pay half my way most of the time forgetting the HUGE bonus check he received Helping with tax advice Helping with car advice the supidist thing I did however was believing that he wouldnt hurt me and would always be in my life. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Jan 10 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
4joys4's picture

The stupidest (stupidest?

The stupidest (stupidest? LOL) thing I ever did was to help him fix his hair, trim his mustache, find a nice shirt before he went to work, only to find out he went out to cheat on me that day. And I prettied him up for it!!! (3 days after our wedding) ..the asshole actually asked me questions about his looks and could I help him fix up. I felt like a complete idiot. Thats the day my heart broke. I realized that on my wedding day, I had sacrificed myself on that altar in the church. I had to die so my narc could live. And that, my friends is what you learn about these people. You have to bleed for them to survive. My wedding day turned into a day I wish didnt exist on the calendars. I'm mad and I havent been mad in a good long while.
Feb 4 - 4AM (Reply to #16)
girlfriday's picture

grooming them

4joys4- Very disturbing when you find out that you have made them prettier for another woman. (Sorry yours happened after marrying him!) I discovered that both times I gave my N/P/S a great haircut (well, what little hair he has, anyway) he was on vacations/staycations with another woman. Oh, and also while wearing the boxers I bought for him. Yes, they are vampires.