The whole truth and Nothing but the truth

I'm finding it very helpful to tell stories and hear feedback. This is my story - it's long and painful to read so I understand if you just move on from here! It's helpful for me to write it out.

On Nov. 16, 2008 I found a text message on my husband's cell phone. It said, "I need it baby, I gotta have it. Gimme more. I love it. I need it. I want it."

God spoke to me that morning and said, "Get that phone in your hands." I've never snooped in his phone.

I crumbled. My daughter (age 4) was spending the night with a friend. I screamed, "What is this?" He threw back the covers and tore the phone from my hands, "I told you I was going to hurt you!"

I had never heard those word in my life. Things hadn't been good for 4 months prior to this. He was spending every friday evening and all day Saturdays with her, my daughter and her children. (All age 4). I was asked by my husband 4 months before this to work on Saturdays. Now I knew why. First he just started going to preschool functions with them then I found myself coming home to leftover dinner on the table with extra seats placed.

I kept my cool. I told no one. I was embarrassed. It soon turned into my husband making poor choices and taking our daughter to the gym so the sitter there could watch her and he could take his mistress' pilates class. It was all kept from me but 4 year olds tell their mommy everything. I had no idea she was being watched by someone I'd never met.

He began leaving the room when I entered it. Or when I was in a room he came into, he'd turn around and leave. This was so incredibly different than the charming, sensitive man I'd fallen in love with.

He mom told me, "They are using the children to date" NO. I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't accept that. 7 year marriage. 12 year relationship.

I found out about the affair and told no one but my mom who eventually told my dad and brothers. I wanted to work the marriage out. What did I do so wrong? I was having sex with him 5 times/week. When I asked him what I could do to be a better wife, he said, "you could come home from work, strip me down and devour me." He said, "remember when you crossed your arms when I tried to hug you?" This apparently made him feel unloved. Well, I was naked at the time and he had just finished telling me I should not wear a 2 piece swimsuit that summer:(
Time went by. I bought him candy bouquets and sent them to his work; I had every form of abusive sex he could dream up. I agreed to a threesome with another man - a long time fantasy of his.
Nothing was helping. He continued to tell me he didn't love me. He would never love me; he loved HER. He put her children's picture on our fridge and I was expected to keep it there.

Then, it happened; he got in the bath tub with our four year old daughter. He had not done this since she was in diapers. I didn't want to make a scene in front of her so I just sat in the bathroom and watched every move he made. I told no one - now I'm ashamed/embarrassed. He was totally nude and touching himself. Let it go - if you say anything now - you'll just look vengeful.

One week later, it happened again. I tried to leave our driveway so he and our daughter could have bonding time. I put the car in reverse but could not pick up my foot from the brake. "God, what's going on?" NOthing. I put the car in park and was able to get out. 5 minutes after I went in the house - he was preparing to get in the tub with her. I said, "I wish you wouldn't do this, she's too old for this." He said, "This will be the last time" and proceeded to get in anyway.

I started telling people about the divorce. This was his ego injury. He truly thought I would protect him forever. When he found out I had told one of his long time gal pals about it - he called me and threatened to take my daughter from me forever.

Obviously, the law is involved. He has locked me out of my own home, called the sherrif on my mother for coming to help me take some items of mine he had thrown into the garage. My father had called the sherriff on him several weeks prior to this because he was in my face and causing a scene in front of our daugher. My husband stripped down the scriptures from our walls that I had placed up as encouragement for me and proceeded to tell me they were lies, all lies, you are mean and spitefull. This was because I told two people of his inappropriateness with our daughter (there's more that goes with this - my daughter, at age 4, was masturbating to the point of climax and was unable to be redirected.). Also, I told the father of the boys my husband was spending a lot of time with. This father said, "my boys are having odd behavior, I found one of them kissing the other one's testicles in the bathtub and they've recently been thrusting each other from behind - naked"
I had to tell these people - my husband spends a lot of time with other people's children d/t his job. I scares me. My husband said, "What gave you the right to tell him" He was asking me why I told the mistress' husband about the affair and the bath tub incident?
I'm scared. I'm living with my mom and dad during the custody case. My husband wants her 50/50. I want him to go away and never come near us again.
Sound like a N to you?