Narcissist Recovery Blog

Exiting the cage...

I hear a story about a behavioral experiment that was conducted in a lab:

There is a dog in a cage. Scientists rig one side of the cage so that every time the dog goes to that side of the cage she will get an electrical shock.

Soon enough, the dog learns to stay on the other side of the cage.

Within a few weeks, the scientists re-wire the cage so that she’ll get shocked on the side she was conditioned to stay on pain-free. As predicted, the dog learns to lay down on the opposite, formerly electrified side of the cage.

Matt Lauer Helps Peter Cook Prove his Own Narcissism on the Today Show

I am so saddened that Matt Lauer gave Peter Cook an opportunity to interview this morning after he forced Ms. Brinkley to discuss their marriage yesterday when she obviously did not want to and made that very clear to Mr. Lauer at the beginning of the interview.

Despite my disappointment in Matt Lauer, I am very glad this interview was given because it just further proves Peter Cook's raging narcissism.

Ms. Brinkley has not been on a television show for four years and the only reason she chose to go on The Today Show was to discuss her upcoming role in "Chicago," but Matt Lauer did not give her that chance yesterday and instead took it to the gutter to stir the pot for his personal friend, Peter Cook.

Who is the Narcissist...Peter Cook or Christie Brinkley?

For most of my readers, the answer to this question is as obvious as day is light, but for those who may not know a great deal about pathological narcissism, I'd like to explain why Peter Cook is the obvious narcissist here.

For the first time in four years, Christie Brinkley agreed to talk about her divorce from Peter Cook on the Today Show Tuesday morning. Really, she wanted to talk about her upcoming role in "Chicago" the longest running show in Broadway history, but agreed to first briefly discuss the noise her ex-husband, Peter Cook, has been making lately in his crazy attempts to call her a narcissist.

Why the Narcissist Always Turns from Idolizing you to Utter Contempt

Unfortunately, once a Narcissist is victorious and secures your love, the idolization phase of the relationship passes and his true colors emerge. You begin to see the pathology of his personality and realize he merely put on an act in the beginning of the relationship to win and secure your love. He becomes demanding and angry, unaware that you have needs or a separate self at all. He simply finds it impossible to see you as an independent entity.

“Women know intuitively when they are being devalued."
~ Robyn Silverman


After we begin to Understand it; Step 1, we learn what a Narcissist is and how their disorder has affected us over these months or years and we realize that: THEIR behaviors and actions were not our fault and we did nothing to cause this. We learn that they were damaged LONG before we came along and will continue to be damaged LONG after we are gone.

This brings us to STEP 2, GET IT OUT

Once the fog begins to lift and we realize what was done to us and what we allowed to be done to us, due to severe "brainwashing: these repressed feelings need to come out. Writing is a great outlet for the sadness, anger, unrealized dreams, cognitive dissonance, severe loss, and pain.

Understanding the Narcissist's Madonna-Whore Complex

I've written much on this topic in my books and blogs before, but GreenGirl posted an article here that I must share with everyone because I think whenever we can hear different people's intepretations of the same thing, it helps tremendously.

Narcissists have intimacy issues and cannot see their partner in a healthy way. They are unable to see what most men dream of in a woman — someone who is both sweet and sexy at the same time. They cannot help categorizing people into one of two separate categories — saintly or sexy. They find it impossible to see someone as both. To them, someone is one or the other, but never both. This is what psychologists refer to as a Madonna-Whore Complex.

TO "M" AKA The Dog Whisperer

Good Bye Dog Whisperer.. "M"

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful Friend:
you have screwed up my life..
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is, until I met your Mother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty, and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

This Valentine's Day...

This Valentine's Day...

27% of men said their romantic resolution is to have sex with the lights on
80% of people think they will get lucky this Valentine's Day
Less than 50% of people had good luck last year
40% of women want to try something new and kinky this Valentine’s Day
85% of women surveyed own a sex toy
57% of people in a new relationship (less than one year) talk about sex every day
50% of the population is single
54% of women say they are in a relationship, but it is not with their soul mate….WTF?!!

Every year we celebrate Valentine’s Day in our culture, but what is it we are really celebrating?

Retrain Your Brain to Recover from the Narcissist

We had our first support group call last night and the amazing group of ladies in our meeting inspired me to write this blog on how we can and will recover.

In sharing all of our stories last night, one thing I learned is how different and unique all of our stories are, but how similar the pattern. We all fell for our narcissist for different reasons, but what we can all conclude is that we fell in the same way...hard, fast and blindly....and woke up in a similar manner...baffled, dumbfounded and stunned.

Some might say that falling in love blindly means you showed poor judgment, didn’t look at obvious signs or did not think responsibly. I beg to differ. I believe it means that you trusted in the good heart of someone else and decided to believe they were real.

Weekly Support Group Meetings Begin this Week on The Path Forward!!!

In order to heal from any emotional abuse, we must surrender ourselves and be willing to reach out to others for help. I know this has certainly been the case for me. It wasn't until I surrendered that I was able to truly heal.

What did I surrender? My ego. I stopped lying to myself that everything was ok. I dropped all inner resistance and started being honest with myself. I feel a sense of inner peace now that I never knew was possible.

Acceptance helps stop the spin...

“They told me that life could be just what I made it—
Life could be fashioned and worn like a gown;
I, the designer; mine the decision
Whehter to wear it with bonnet or crown...
—Nan Terrel Reed, 1935

When I finally get the guts up to start posting, it springs from a need that is greater than my fear. I’m desperate, searching, drowning, spinning...and I need all the help I can get if I am to survive. Literally. As a sole supporter of myself I must not let the Zombie-me take over. Zombie-me is fighting hard for control, and ‘spinning’ is whirring around on a downward spiral, not a fair match at all.

The Key to Recovering from a Narcissist

The key to recovering from a narcissist is to find ourselves again. We must start having some self-compassion for ourselves for a change. We have an abundance of compassion for others, which is why the narcissist targeted us, but we never share any of it with ourselves!

We can be overly giving of ourselves to a fault. The narcissist knows this, which is why he/she chose us in the first place. Narcissists have an insatiable need to have someone cater to their needs at all times. Therefore, they target those they know have an overwhelming amount of empathy. They feed off of this type of person.

In order to recover, it is important that we understand we are "Empaths" or what is also known as a "Highly Sensitive Person." We are NOT "Codependents" NOR are we needy!!!!