Narcissist Recovery Blog

It's All About Karma on "The Bachelor Pad"

Yes, “The Bachelor Pad” and its series of shows are admittedly a guilty pleasure of mine. I am fascinated by human behavior. I teach Organizational Psychology, write, blog and study human conduct every day.

I watched the “The Bachelor Pad” last night and must say that Erica Rose was downright brilliant in her thoughts and observations. In my opinion, Erica Rose is rose is a rose is a rose!

One thing I’m certain most HR professionals can agree on is that humans are capable of great deception. Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to human behavior. Every time I think I have seen it all, someone does something so deceitful that I come close to losing my faith in humanity as a whole.

Pain and Pleasure on The Path Forward

Goldie and The Path Forward support group will help get you where you really need to be - dealing with the pain. Now, I realize that being in the "midst of pain" does not sound all that appealing, but that's half the problem with our culture.

We have been so conditioned to avoid pain and seek pleasure when the reality is that life is an undeniable combination of BOTH Pain & Pleasure. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we are on our way to finally healing.

Countless songs and poems have been written about how pain does not exist without pleasure and pleasure does not exist without pain so why are we fooled into thinking we can achieve all or nothing in this regard or any regard for that matter.

The vampire and the clock...

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.
--Carl Sandburg

The clock ticks so slowly it’s as if someone poured molasses over it. Time is the dark enemy and it refuses to loosen its grip on your heart. The maddening sound of the silent minutes as they creep by into another day and then dusk and then night make you wonder if you’ll simply go insane.

It’s been a three weeks now. Three weeks that feel like a year. A year of hell in three week’s time that you’ve spent...well, how? Twisted into knots with just one question on your mind: “Will I hear from him again?”

Happy Independence Day!

To all those in the states, Happy Fourth of July! I will always be grateful to the men and women who fight for our freedom and never take it for granted. I hope all who celebrate enjoy a fun, safe and celebratory day today!

To all of us, regardless of where we live, Happy Independence Day!!!!!

The quotes in the link below really remind me how lucky I am to have my independence. I thought I would share with all of you in hopes that you appreciate the same!

Some of my favorites are:

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

“I'd rather die my way than live yours.”
― Lauren Oliver, Delirium

Why is NC so difficult even though I know he is no good for me?

This is the nature of grief, loss, and change

We grieve endings whether they were good or bad, it is still going to be a big change for you, as well as a loss. The loss of what "should" have been, never was, the good and the bad. We grieve the death of the hope, fantasy, and illusion of what we wanted it to be.

We fear the unknown and often get comfortable with that which is familar and venturing into the newness and unknown may be challenging on many levels.

Just because a relationship had many hurtful components does not mean that there were not things about being with that person which brought you comfort. As awful as PD's are, in truth it was not all bad or we would not have been with them in the first place.


WHAT WE TOLERATE or would not tolerate and WHY.

In response to a post regarding different types of narcs. Those who name call and physically abuse vs those who do not.

Those who are sexually deviant and those who are not.

It's real simple with Narcs

They target what they want and who will put up with their particular brand of abuse. All narcs do not physically abuse or name call by any stretch, not sure where that myth originated from.

I was talking with a friend one day, who was also out of a relationship with a Narc, and she said: I WOULD NEVER BE WITH A MAN WHO WAS ON CRACK OR HIT ME!!!

Are Narcissist's bad people?

Why do we struggle with the notion that we were infiltrated in our own homes and hearts by evil? Why is this concept difficult to wrap the brain around? Why would we prefer to live in denial that they are even a PD? When we attempt to warn others they look at US like we are the one's with the problem. Why can't WE move on and stop trying to "cause trouble" for the him and his new supply? We are trained when bad things happen to let it go and move on. People do not want to hear about our unsavory mess. Just forget about it we are told. Get on with your life. You will find someone better.

All righty then.....The PD has you doubting yourself and then others imply that your wanting to warn them is dramatic. No one could be that bad. It takes two to tango.

So you think he is home alone pondering the RELATIONSHIP?

Unless you have a Private Detective tailing them 24/7.......

If they are a Narc, trust me on this, they ARE NOT alone as much as YOU think they are.

They also use porno, drugs, food, random people, TV, games, gambling, the Internet, for supply.

Part of the nature of a Narc is to have a secret world, they get off on the fact that it is SECRET.

They have secret little connections ALL over the place that YOU know nothing about.

They are liars.

Silent Treatment= Other Supply

Narc Speak:

I don't feel well, I am going home to get some sleep.
Going to OW or home to whack off to porn or get some drugs if they are an addict.

I cannot stand that girl.
I am telling you I can't stand her to get YOU off the scent. I will be back to hit on her when YOU are not around.

The Dance of the Narcissist; Delight, Devalue, Degrade, & Discard

The Dance of the Narcissist; Delight, Devalue, Degrade, & Discard

Education, understanding, & acceptance is your POWER and FREEDOM

Once you get who and what they are; YOU then make a CHOICE.

Do I want someone in my life who is USING me and has no LOVE or VALUE for me OR do I want myself and my life back?

They do NOT change, they do NOT care about you and eventually they will destroy ALL that is real, good, and valuable in your life.

They are blood sucking vampires, vultures, maggots, parasites looking for a host.

Do you want to be a host?

This is a choice, either you cut your losses, call it a day, and go NC.


You go a few more rounds and let then take MORE.

They usually come back for more even years later. The HOOVER is NOT a compliement.

How do you get your "HEART" to understand?

Self Forgiveness; Excellent Important Topic
July 5, 2014 - 7:38am — Goldie
Vote up!
How do you get your "HEART" to understand?

This is where I struggled the most.

Says it all for me. This is exactly where I had trouble with acceptance.

I got that he was a PD and highly disturbed.

I got that I was used and sucked into his seedy world of sickness and manipulation.

I got that he would never love me in a way which resembled anything healthy.

I got that I could no longer consider him to be a part of my life on any level and that the relationship had been a farce.

Now what?

I was still left with me.

My heart, my feelings of love.

What I felt was real, regardless to what he felt.