Narcissist Recovery Blog

The scar...

There is a scar on my back in the shape of a butterfly. I never look at it. But if it’s summertime, and depending on what I’m wearing, when I sit down I know others can see the tips of its wings—poised but never taking flight. Stuck. Frozen in time from the moment it was created.

I dread when somebody asks about it. I’ve yet to come up with a truthful explanation. The truth is horrible, ridiculous really...and I don’t want to admit it to anyone. So I gloss it over.

They say butterflies are free, but this one is my captive, my prisoner, a self-inflicted wound that reminds me of my own captivity. A silent testament to my naivete, my weakness, my blindness, my blinding mistake.

All about sex

This is by Guest Blogger Portia:

Yesterday many of us responded to a post from a very confused member, who was worried that she may have misjudged a complete jerk by calling him a N, and she wondered "what if he's not" and she completely excused his vile behavior, and made up excuses to forgive him for all of it because she really liked "being up on that pedastal". This post had it all, Denial, Cognitive Dissonance, Self-blame, Obligatory Sex, thinking a relationship would evolve if sex was provided, unrealistic expectations.

Narcs LOVE to blame and make YOU look bad

Narcs LOVE to blame and make YOU look bad.

IN fact if they have YOU thinking YOU are the crazy one; it's an added bonus to them.

Once the honeymoon faze is over and they can see you "catching" on to them; then it is all about blaming YOU and having OTHERS think you are crazy as well.

Just another day in Narcville.

The details may vary; yet the game and intent is always the same.

Takes the focus off of them and if YOU think it is your fault then my goodness you may just take them back and go a few more rounds.

It's All About Karma on "The Bachelor Pad"

Yes, “The Bachelor Pad” and its series of shows are admittedly a guilty pleasure of mine. I am fascinated by human behavior. I teach Organizational Psychology, write, blog and study human conduct every day.

I watched the “The Bachelor Pad” last night and must say that Erica Rose was downright brilliant in her thoughts and observations. In my opinion, Erica Rose is rose is a rose is a rose!

One thing I’m certain most HR professionals can agree on is that humans are capable of great deception. Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to human behavior. Every time I think I have seen it all, someone does something so deceitful that I come close to losing my faith in humanity as a whole.

Pain and Pleasure on The Path Forward

Goldie and The Path Forward support group will help get you where you really need to be - dealing with the pain. Now, I realize that being in the "midst of pain" does not sound all that appealing, but that's half the problem with our culture.

We have been so conditioned to avoid pain and seek pleasure when the reality is that life is an undeniable combination of BOTH Pain & Pleasure. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we are on our way to finally healing.

Countless songs and poems have been written about how pain does not exist without pleasure and pleasure does not exist without pain so why are we fooled into thinking we can achieve all or nothing in this regard or any regard for that matter.

The vampire and the clock...

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.
--Carl Sandburg

The clock ticks so slowly it’s as if someone poured molasses over it. Time is the dark enemy and it refuses to loosen its grip on your heart. The maddening sound of the silent minutes as they creep by into another day and then dusk and then night make you wonder if you’ll simply go insane.

It’s been a three weeks now. Three weeks that feel like a year. A year of hell in three week’s time that you’ve spent...well, how? Twisted into knots with just one question on your mind: “Will I hear from him again?”

Happy Independence Day!

To all those in the states, Happy Fourth of July! I will always be grateful to the men and women who fight for our freedom and never take it for granted. I hope all who celebrate enjoy a fun, safe and celebratory day today!

To all of us, regardless of where we live, Happy Independence Day!!!!!

The quotes in the link below really remind me how lucky I am to have my independence. I thought I would share with all of you in hopes that you appreciate the same!

Some of my favorites are:

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

“I'd rather die my way than live yours.”
― Lauren Oliver, Delirium

Why is NC so difficult even though I know he is no good for me?

This is the nature of grief, loss, and change

We grieve endings whether they were good or bad, it is still going to be a big change for you, as well as a loss. The loss of what "should" have been, never was, the good and the bad. We grieve the death of the hope, fantasy, and illusion of what we wanted it to be.

We fear the unknown and often get comfortable with that which is familar and venturing into the newness and unknown may be challenging on many levels.

Just because a relationship had many hurtful components does not mean that there were not things about being with that person which brought you comfort. As awful as PD's are, in truth it was not all bad or we would not have been with them in the first place.


WHAT WE TOLERATE or would not tolerate and WHY.

In response to a post regarding different types of narcs. Those who name call and physically abuse vs those who do not.

Those who are sexually deviant and those who are not.

It's real simple with Narcs

They target what they want and who will put up with their particular brand of abuse. All narcs do not physically abuse or name call by any stretch, not sure where that myth originated from.

I was talking with a friend one day, who was also out of a relationship with a Narc, and she said: I WOULD NEVER BE WITH A MAN WHO WAS ON CRACK OR HIT ME!!!

Are Narcissist's bad people?

Why do we struggle with the notion that we were infiltrated in our own homes and hearts by evil? Why is this concept difficult to wrap the brain around? Why would we prefer to live in denial that they are even a PD? When we attempt to warn others they look at US like we are the one's with the problem. Why can't WE move on and stop trying to "cause trouble" for the him and his new supply? We are trained when bad things happen to let it go and move on. People do not want to hear about our unsavory mess. Just forget about it we are told. Get on with your life. You will find someone better.

All righty then.....The PD has you doubting yourself and then others imply that your wanting to warn them is dramatic. No one could be that bad. It takes two to tango.

So you think he is home alone pondering the RELATIONSHIP?

Unless you have a Private Detective tailing them 24/7.......

If they are a Narc, trust me on this, they ARE NOT alone as much as YOU think they are.

They also use porno, drugs, food, random people, TV, games, gambling, the Internet, for supply.

Part of the nature of a Narc is to have a secret world, they get off on the fact that it is SECRET.

They have secret little connections ALL over the place that YOU know nothing about.

They are liars.

Silent Treatment= Other Supply

Narc Speak:

I don't feel well, I am going home to get some sleep.
Going to OW or home to whack off to porn or get some drugs if they are an addict.

I cannot stand that girl.
I am telling you I can't stand her to get YOU off the scent. I will be back to hit on her when YOU are not around.